


Ain't No Sunshine Without You

by deanieweaniewrites



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Cuddling, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Georgia, M/M, Mild Angst, Roommates, Secret Relationship, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:27:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 50,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27371176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deanieweaniewrites/pseuds/deanieweaniewrites
Summary: Castiel is entering his junior year at the University of Georgia in historic Athens. He moves into a house with a random roommate, Dean Winchester. He’s charming, funny, and he has an instant connection with Castiel. Their relationship burns hotter than the Georgia heat, but it has to be a secret. All the while, things are not what they seem with Castiel. His friend, Gabriel, seems to know something about him, and it’s all unraveling as the year progresses.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 35
Kudos: 57
Collections: DCBB 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> All of the art for this fic is done by the lovely [destiel-love-forever ](https://destiel-love-forever.tumblr.com/)! Please go send them some love over on tumblr!

Castiel steps out of his car and looks up at the little one-story house in front of him. The yellow paneling on the outside is stained with dirt, vines are creeping up the sides, and the grass is extremely overgrown. Castiel had already seen the inside of the house, which is perfectly clean and nice. He plans on fixing up the backyard while living here. Maybe his mystery roommate will help.

Moving from the dorms into a house was a massive upgrade. Castiel had stayed in a dorm for his freshman year, was an RA his second year, and now he was living off-campus in a little house. It was a good progression.

There isn’t another car in the driveway, so Castiel assumes his roommate will be arriving later in the day. He carries his suitcase up to the front door and unlocks it with the key that he was given by the owner of the property. He drags his suitcase over the entryway and looks around.

The living room is open concept, leading into the kitchen and a small dining space. There’s a sliding glass door behind the table that leads outside to the backyard, which is equally as overgrown as the front. Castiel walks to the left to find his bedroom and bathroom. Having his own bathroom is an even bigger upgrade than the house itself. No more waiting for showers.

The bedroom looks sparse, but Castiel is excited by the big windows that span across the back wall. He has a few plants, but he plans on expanding his collection. He can already picture shelves in front of the windows filled with dozens of plants.

Castiel brings in a few more armfuls of things from his car. He puts his sheets and comforter on the bed, curtains on the curtain rod, and spreads out his toiletries in the bathroom. He sets out a few of his trinkets on his desk and plugs in his laptop.

After getting his entire room set up, he starts to wonder where his roommate is. He hasn’t met the guy yet. All he knows is that they’re in the same year in school, from what the owner told him. Castiel’s drive was short. Athens, Georgia was only an hour away from his hometown near Atlanta.

Castiel had lived in Georgia his whole life. His parents were from Pontiac, Illinois, so Castiel didn’t end up with a southern accent. He still heard it all around him, so every once in a while, he’d say a word differently than how someone from another part of the country would.

The University of Georgia was Castiel’s number one school. It was where everyone in Georgia wanted to go, but it was extremely difficult to get in. Castiel had a hard time even with his 4.0 GPA and extremely high test scores. A large percentage of the students were actually transfer students from other colleges, since it was so much easier to transfer in. The school was located in Athens, a distinctly college town with a rich history surrounding the university. The town was small other than the college, but the downtown area was full of life every weekend. Sanford Stadium was packed almost every Saturday in the fall for football season.

With nothing better to do, Castiel decides to go buy groceries. He gets back into his car, a little blue Prius, and drives to the grocery store. He stocks up on all the basics, including his favorite snacks. He hopes that his roommate will be there when he gets back, because he’s been anxious to meet him for months now.

Alas, Castiel is still the only tenant when he gets back to the house. He sighs and carries his groceries in. By the time he’s done, it’s dinner time. He makes himself a sandwich and eats it on the couch. There’s a TV in the living room, but it’s not set up with a cable box. Castiel has an Apple TV somewhere in his bags to hook up. He doesn’t bother for now.

At nearly nine o’clock, the door unlocks. Castiel is still on the couch, playing on his phone. He looks up and watches as another man walks in. He’s carrying a large duffel bag, and he looks like he hasn’t slept in three days. He’s solidly built with a strong jawline, sandy brown hair, and freckles scattering his face.

Castiel stands up to introduce himself. “Hello. I’m Castiel.”

The man looks at Castiel and gives a tired wave. “Hey, Casti...Cas. I’d love to stay up and talk, but I really need to sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.” He starts trudging back to the right side bedroom, but pauses.

“I’m Dean, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you, Dean. Sleep well.”

Dean disappears into the bedroom, and Castiel hears a thud, presumably the duffel bag hitting the ground.

Castiel retreats to his own room and starts getting ready for bed. He takes a shower, puts on a t-shirt and some sweatpants, and gets into bed. After about an hour of scrolling through his phone, he falls asleep.

The next morning marks the beginning of the weekend. It’s Saturday, and Castiel’s classes start Monday. He walks outside to get the coffee maker and toaster out of his car, and spots Dean’s car. He couldn’t identify it, but it was definitely an old classic car. The black paint job is spotless, and the car seemed to be in great condition. It sparks Castiel’s interest, and he decides to ask Dean about it later.

Castiel makes a cup of coffee and a bagel for breakfast. The table is nice to sit at. He can see the overgrown backyard and the houses behind it. Birds are chirping, and the sun is beating down on the grass. It was easily eighty degrees outside already. Georgia is known for its peaches and humid heat that drains the very life out of people.

The other bedroom door opens with a soft creak and out comes Dean. He rubs a hand over his face and looks at the coffee maker on the counter. Before he can even say anything, Castiel speaks.

“You can have some.”

Dean points at Castiel. “We’re gonna get along.” He grabs one of Castiel’s many mugs and makes himself a cup of coffee.

Castiel takes a sip from his own mug and watches Dean. “Where are you from?”

Dean hums. “Lawrence, Kansas.”

“Oh, did you drive yesterday?”

Dean nods. “Took fifteen hours with all of my stops. I started at five in the friggin’ morning.” He picks up the mug and takes a long sip.

“What about you? Where are you from?”

Castiel taps his fingers against the side of his mug. “Dunwoody.”

“Huh?”

Castiel sighs. “Atlanta.” He doesn’t even know why he gives a specific city to anyone who isn’t from the Atlanta area. No one outside of that area knows Dunwoody, a city just north of Atlanta.

“You don’t sound like you’re from Atlanta. You don’t have an accent at all.”

“My parents are from Illinois.”

“Ah.” Dean walks over to the table and sits down across from Castiel.

Castiel takes a bite of his bagel and looks out the front windows of the house. “What kind of car do you have?”

“ ‘67 Chevy Impala. She’s my Baby.”

Castiel chuckles. “So you’re really into cars?”

“I’m really into that car, but yeah. I’m an engineering major. You?”

“English.”

“What are you planning on doing with that?”

Castiel smiles, because it’s only the hundredth time he’s gotten that question. “I want to be an English professor, and I want to be an author.”

“Both?”

“Lots of English professors are authors. The professor job provides a steady income while you write.”

Dean nods, raising his eyebrows. “You seem to have it figured out then. You’re a junior too, right?”

“I am.”

“So I’m probably a year older than you.”

“Gap year?” Castiel inquires with a tilt of his head.

“Bingo.” Dean looks at his phone. “I’d stay and talk longer, but I have an orientation today that I have to get ready for. I got a job on campus that starts Monday with my classes.”

“Oh, nice. Well, good luck.”

“Thanks, buddy.” Dean retreats back to his room, leaving Castiel alone again.

Instead of laying around the house, Castiel decides to start on some of the yard work. He makes a trip to the hardware store for supplies, and then gets to work. He starts on the weeds, pulling them all out of the front yard and stuffing them into the large paper bags he got from the store. He’s glad he bought gloves, because some of the weeds are covered in thorns.

Next, he takes the lawnmower out of the shed in the back. He remembered the property owner telling him about it. It’s a tiny lawnmower, but it gets the job done. As he’s mowing the lawn, Dean’s car comes rolling up the small driveway.

“Damn, you beat me to it.”

Castiel looks over at Dean and wipes the sweat from his forehead. It’s in the upper nineties now, so the heat is sweltering. “You were planning on working in the yard?”

Dean nods, closing the car door. “Yeah, it was a mess. I told the property owner that I’d work on it. Here,” he walks over to Castiel, “I’ll take over. You go inside and get some water. The heat here is unreal.”

“Welcome to Georgia.” Castiel hands off the lawnmower to Dean and retreats to the air conditioning. He makes himself a glass of ice water and gulps it down, his throat thanking him for the refreshment.

Castiel returns outside with another glass of ice water, passing it to Dean. “How did your orientation go?”

Dean takes the ice water with a thankful nod. “Pretty good. My hours are awesome. All of my classes are mid-morning and afternoon, so I just go after class and stay until five.”

“Where are you working?”

“In the library. I’m a math tutor.”

Castiel nods with a soft smile. “Right, you’re an engineering major, you have to be good at math.” He sets his glass down on the porch and picks up his clippers to start on the bushes. Castiel chops away at the vines and bushes, trimming them into a proper shape. He tosses the debris into another paper bag.

Dean walks up beside Castiel, watching him work. He doesn’t say anything for a while, which prompts Castiel to raise an eyebrow at him.

“Can I help you?”

Dean blinks out of his stupor. “Uh, you got another set of those so I can help?”

Castiel looks at Dean’s outfit of dark jeans and a collared short sleeve. “I don’t, but if you want to help, I can give you something to do once you change into more appropriate clothes.” Castiel chose to wear a fitted t-shirt and basketball shorts. He didn’t wear shorts often, but they seemed appropriate for being outside in the heat.

“Right, I should change,” Dean says, clapping his hands together. He turns and walks back into the house, carrying Castiel’s empty glass with him.

Castiel continues trimming the bushes while he waits for Dean to return. They aren’t horribly overgrown, but little twigs of leaves are shooting out everywhere, and they will look much better once they are trimmed.

Dean jogs back outside, now in a tank top and jeans. Castiel smiles a bit at him.

“You sure about the jeans?”

“I don’t do shorts.”

“Your funeral,” Castiel teases. He stands up fully. “I don’t have any more hedge clippers, but I haven’t touched the weeds in the backyard yet. The gloves are next to the porch.”

Dean picks up the gloves with a nod. “You got it, chief.”

Castiel wipes more sweat from his brow and continues working. The sun still sits high in the sky, its rays beating down against Castiel’s back. He was smart enough to have put sunscreen on before coming outside, so he’s well protected.

A few hours later, with a lunch break at noon, the bushes are all trimmed and the lawn is looking much nicer. The weeds are gone, and the grass is mowed perfectly. There’s still some work to be done, but the hardest parts are over.

The backyard is now rid of weeds, and the dirt surrounding the back patio has been raked with a hoe to break it up from the dried mass that it once was.

Castiel walks inside with Dean to shower and change clothes, but he stops in his tracks when he sees Dean under the lighting of the house.

“You are extremely sunburnt.”

Dean looks at his arms. “I’m a little pink.”

“You’re red.” Castiel tilts his head. “Did you put on sunscreen?”

“I guess I didn’t. Oh well, I’ll be fine.”

“Good luck in the hot shower.”

Dean sighs. “God, I can’t even think about a hot shower right now. I’m taking a cold one.”

“Alright,” Castiel chuckles as he walks back to his room. His phone buzzes in his pocket, so he pulls it out to check it.

 **Meg**  
Clarence, are you back in town? Can I come see your new place?

 **Castiel**  
I’ll have to ask my roommate if it’s okay, but I’ll let you know

 **Meg**  
Sweet. See ya soon

Castiel sets his phone on the bathroom counter while he hops in the shower. The water starts off lukewarm, but he slowly makes it hotter to relax his tired muscles.

After his shower, he sits out in the living room to wait for Dean. He’s pretty sure Dean will be okay with it, but it’s good roommate etiquette to ask.

Dean emerges from his room a few minutes later. He’s still bright red, and now wearing a lighter pair of jeans and a t-shirt.

“I’m buying sunscreen tomorrow.” Dean walks over to the couch and plops down next to Castiel, leaning back against the cushions.

“It’s a wise investment. Surely you needed it in Kansas too? I’d imagine it still gets hot there.”

“It does, but I don’t usually do a lot of yard work in the sun.”

Castiel nods. “I have a question. My friend, Meg, wants to come see the place. Would it be alright if she came over?”

“Sure, man. Thanks for asking. My roommates at KU never asked before bringing a crap ton of people over,” Dean huffs.

Castiel smiles a bit. “I wouldn’t do that to you. It’s just rude.”

“I appreciate that, Cas.”

Castiel doesn’t mind the nickname, it’s actually kind of nice. He pulls out his phone to let Meg know that she can come over.

 **Castiel**  
My roommate says it’s alright. What time were you thinking about coming?

 **Meg**  
Now, if that’s alright. What’s your address?

Castiel raises his eyebrows, but he sends the address anyway. Meg is one of his closest friends, and he appreciates her company.

Castiel gets up to grab a snack, searching through the two cabinets he had claimed as his own. He pops a few chips into his mouth, leaning against the counters.

Dean looks at the TV. “Do we have to buy a cable box?”

“No, I have an Apple TV with pretty much every streaming service you could want. I’ll set it up tonight.”

“I think I love you.”

Castiel laughs and puts his bag of chips away. Dean is still looking at him when he turns back around. He waves, and Dean waves back.

Suddenly, Dean’s phone buzzes, pulling them out of their apparent staring contest.

Castiel takes his phone out as well, playing a random game he downloaded a week ago while he waits for Meg.

The sound of a car door closing outside signals Meg’s arrival. Castiel opens the door and smiles brightly at her. As she runs, her long brunette hair sways behind her.

Meg throws her arms around Castiel and hugs him tightly. “Finally! It’s been forever!”

“Meg, it’s only been about two weeks.”

“That’s too long. C’mon.” She grabs Castiel’s hand and starts pulling him along.

“My room is the one to the left.”

“Gotcha.”

Castiel met Meg in his residence hall during his freshman year. They lived down the hall from one another and had a math class together. They started talking in a study group for that class, and their friendship took off from there.

Meg sits on Castiel’s bed and proceeds to tell him all about everything that’s been going on with her. She has a wide group of friends and loves to talk about them to Castiel, who knows none of them. He’s a good unbiased third party, so he gives good advice.

Castiel shows Meg the pictures of the house before the yard work, proud of what he’s achieved.

“Is that why your roommate looks like a tomato?”

“Yes, he forgot sunscreen,” Castiel chuckles.

Meg stares at Castiel for a few seconds, searching for something in his face. “Alright.” She looks at the time on her phone. “Let’s go get dinner. I’m starving.”

Castiel nods. “Me too.”

They drive to a local barbeque restaurant and split a big tray of hot wings. Castiel always regrets eating these, but he does it anyway because they’re so delicious.

After dinner, Meg announces that she has to leave to finish setting up her apartment. They part ways in the driveway, and Castiel walks inside alone.

Dean is at the table when Castiel returns, eating a taking burger. He looks at Castiel and waves a bit. “How was it?”

“It was good.”

Dean nods and sets his burger down. “How long have you two been together? Y’know, you could have just said she was your girlfriend, I wouldn’t have cared-”

Castiel laughed. “Oh no, she’s not my girlfriend. I have a pride flag, I’m very homosexual.” He immediately regrets outing himself like that. He has no idea if Dean is accepting or not. He’s usually good about scouting someone out before saying anything, but for some reason, he slipped today.

Dean chuckles. “Alright, sorry. You two just seemed really close.”

Castiel lets out a sigh of relief. “I’m sorry, I usually don’t blurt that out to everyone.”

“It’s okay. If it makes you feel any better, I’m bisexual.”

Castiel smiles a bit. “That helps a little, yeah. Thanks.”

Dean shrugs. “No problem.” He picks up his burger to continue eating. “You’re gonna have to show me all the good places to eat around here.”

“Sure. There’s a bunch of classics.” He sticks his hands in his pocket. “I’m going to go back to my room for the night and look over my syllabi. See you in the morning, Dean.”

“Night, Cas.”

Castiel walks back to his room, his chest feeling lighter. He always got a good feeling when he had a pleasant reaction to his sexuality. This didn’t compare to the relief of coming out to his parents and them being accepting, but it was still nice.

Castiel spends the rest of the night looking over syllabi, watching youtube, and texting his mom to let her know that he’s moved in nicely.

He gets into bed with a good feeling about everything that’s to come.


	2. Chapter 2

Monday comes faster than Castiel expects. It was only one weekend, but he wasn’t doing much, so he expected it to last longer in his mind. 

His classes are pretty close together, so he doesn’t have to go back and forth from the house to campus. He takes his bike out of the trunk of his car and rides it to his first class at 8am. It’s in one of the massive lecture halls, which aren’t his favorite, but he’s willing to tolerate them.

Castiel’s second class comes right after the first, and it’s halfway across campus. He gets on his bike and rides it as fast as he can to the other building. This class is much smaller and focuses on creative writing, which is by far his favorite subject. 

Castiel gets a break until after lunch, and rides to his last class of the day. He bikes home at one forty-five, which doesn’t feel too bad at all. He has tons of time to study and get other things done. 

Castiel rubs the side of his head as he pulls his bike through the door. He’s had tinnitus since he was a kid, and it flared up at random times. The ringing in his ears never lasted for very long, but it was still painful. After about two minutes of sitting still, the ringing stops. Castiel sighs and opens his laptop to look at his upcoming assignments. 

While he sits alone in his room, a thud echoes through the house. Castiel stands up from his desk and listens closely. It’s barely four o’clock, so Dean isn’t due to be home yet. No more noises come, so Castiel sits back down. The house isn’t new, so there are bound to be weird noises coming from it. 

Dean arrives back at the house at five forty-five with armfuls of groceries. Castiel had wondered when he’d go shopping, since he had eaten nothing but take-out all weekend. 

“Hey, Cas.”

“Hello, Dean. You’ve been shopping.”

“Yeah, figured it was time.” Dean sets his bags down on the counter, careful not to bother Castiel’s cooking. 

“How was work?”

“Pretty good. Not a lot of people came in, first day and all. I think it’ll work out great.” Dean starts putting away his groceries, which seemed to include a lot of snacks, but a healthy amount of items for meals as well. 

“I’m glad I don’t have to take any more math. I finished mine freshman year.” Castiel makes a face. “Math is the bane of my existence.”

“Really? Essays are the worst. With math, there’s only one right answer, and several ways to get there. If you know at least one way to get there, you’re right, every time. It builds on itself and there’s always more methods and concepts to learn. With essays, there’s not a right answer. You just blindly guess and hope your professor likes what you threw together.”

Castiel tilts his head to one side as he speaks, “I prefer essays because they’re more open ended. There is no perfect right answer, so you can be creative with your answers. You give your thoughts on something and interpret it in your own way.”

Dean listens and nods. “Okay, I can see that. I’m still not good at essays.”

“Well, if you ever need help, I’m a pretty good proofreader.”

“Thanks, man.” Dean smiled a bit and started making himself a sandwich for dinner. “Do you want to watch a movie tonight?”

“As in going to the movies, or on our TV?”

Dean grins. “Just on our TV. You good with that?”

Castiel nods. “Sure. I guess I don’t really have any homework yet.”

“Sweet.” Dean walks over to the couch and plops himself down, taking a large bite out of his sandwich. 

Castiel joins him a few minutes later with a bowl of pasta. After a few minutes of trying to decide what movie to watch, they settle on Mad Max: Fury Road. 

The movie ends later in the evening, and they separate to go to their own rooms. Castiel gets ready for bed while thinking about how grateful he is that he gets along with his roommate. 

The next day, after his classes, Castiel finds himself in the library. He has an actual assignment now in a literature class, so he wants to get started on the reading. He picks a chair near the big windows that overlook campus and starts reading the assigned story online. 

A few minutes pass, and then someone approaches his table. 

“Is it alright if I sit here?”

Castiel looks up at the other student. He doesn’t look up far, since the guy is a little short. His golden brown hair falls just below his ears, and he has a friendly look on his face. 

“Sure.”

The guy grins and sits down across from Castiel. He sticks his hand out to him. “I’m Gabriel.”

Castiel shakes his hand. “Castiel.”

“Castiel...Can I call you Cassie?”

He makes a face. “Please don’t. That’s what my mother calls me.”

Gabriel nods. “No problem, how about Cas?”

“That’s fine.”

“Awesome.” Gabriel takes a laptop out of the backpack on his shoulder and sets it on the desk. He’s quiet for a few minutes before speaking again. “So, what’s your major, Cas?”

Castiel peers at Gabriel from over his own laptop screen. He usually hates when people try to talk to him while he works, and this is mildly annoying, but in fairness he needs more friends. Meg had been pretty much it until he moved in with Dean. Now he can say with confidence that he has two friends. Maybe having someone else would be nice. “English. You?”

“Marketing. I’m a very convincing guy.”

Castiel chuckles softly. Gabriel seems very sure of himself, something noteworthy to Castiel. 

“So, whatcha working on?” Gabriel pulls a lollipop out of his backpack pocket, tears off the wrapper, and sticks the candy in his mouth.

“Reading assignment for my British literature class.”

“Fun. I won’t distract you anymore then.” Gabriel’s eyes move back to his laptop and he stops talking. 

Castiel finds himself appreciating the company of another person while he works. The work is pretty easy today, just some notes to take on the reading for an in-class discussion and reading quiz. 

After about two hours, Castiel is done with his work for the day. He packs up his things and looks at Gabriel. “Thanks for sitting with me. I appreciated the company.”

“No problem, Cas. I’m in here a lot, so come say hi if you see me. I’ll be sad if you don’t.”

Castiel laughs softly and rolls his eyes. “Alright I will then. Take care.” He slings his backpack over his shoulder and leaves the library to bike back home. 

~~~

The rest of the week passes uneventfully. Castiel starts experimenting to figure out his best schedule for each day. Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays are the same, Tuesday is his lightest day with only one class, and Thursday has one class and a long class that only meets once a week. 

Over the weekend, Castiel doesn’t do much except watch TV with Dean, work on homework, and hang out with Meg. It was relaxing and he felt good about settling into his new schedule for the semester. 

Castiel sits in the library, working on his first essay of the semester. He looks up when someone approaches him. He expects Gabriel, who he had seen a few times in the library before. Instead, it’s Dean. 

“Need some company?”

Castiel smiles softly. “That might be nice.”

Dean sits down across from Castiel. “I haven’t actually studied in here before. I mean, I go to the tutoring center for work every day, but I haven’t come in here between classes before. I’ve mostly just walked around campus and tried to memorize where everything is.”

“It’s a big campus. You’ll get the hang of it. Do you walk to the bus station to get here?”

Dean nods. “Yeah, I do. It’s a pretty nifty service. I’ve noticed that you ride a bike every day. Is that easier?”

Castiel shrugs. “I don’t know if it’s necessarily easier, but I need the exercise, so I do it.”

“Nice. Maybe I should get a bike. I need the exercise without having a gym membership.”

“You could always just work out in the Ramsey. It’s the recreation center on campus. It’s massive, and open to students.”

Dean smiles. “I’m glad I’m rooming with you. You know everything about this place. I’ll check that out.”

Castiel smiles back. “I’m glad I’m rooming with you too.” A silence falls over them, and it makes Castiel’s cheeks turn a little pink. 

Dean takes out a laptop and sighs, running his hands over his face. “My math professor, of all professors, gave us an essay assignment. It’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever had to do. We have to write about our experience with math and how it helps us with our careers. I can’t even figure out how to write the intro paragraph.”

“Don’t write the intro paragraph, then. The intro is the hardest part for a lot of people. Just get into your first body paragraph. Did you make an outline?”

Dean shakes his head. “Nope. I usually just wing it.”

“Hm, some people can do that but you said essays are hard. Make it easier on yourself and make an outline. Make three bullet points for your body paragraph topics, and make a few bullet points under each of those for your arguing points. I know this essay isn’t an argumentative one, but you’re still making points, so find your points and outline them. Once you have that, you have a guideline for exactly what to write. It’ll flow much easier.”

Dean sighed. “You’re right. I should do that.” He smiles. “Thanks, Cas.”

“No problem. I won’t write your essay for you, but I’m happy to look over it for you and give editing pointers if you’d like.” Castiel smiles back. 

“That would be nice.” Dean winks and moves his eyes back to his laptop screen. 

Castiel’s eyes widen slightly, and he feels the blush rising in his face. He looks back at his laptop and swallows. Was Dean flirting with him? He did say he was bisexual so it wasn’t out of the question. Castiel definitely found Dean attractive. His face looked like it could be on the cover of a magazine and his body, underneath all of those layers he liked to wear, was one that Castiel craved to see. 

Castiel hadn’t put much thought into how attractive Dean was, until now. Dean is someone that’s just Castiel’s type. He’s charming, funny, and he looks the part too. His freckles are adorable, and his sandy brown hair is fluffed up perfectly all the time. 

Castiel internally chastises himself for even thinking about Dean like that. Dean is his roommate, and if he’s not interested and Castiel makes a move, the rest of their one-year lease is going to be very awkward. Then again, Dean is being a little flirty, but that could just be his personality. 

Castiel pours his focus back into his work and ignores Dean’s presence. He manages to stay focused until it’s time for him to go to his next class. He starts packing up.

“You heading to class?”

Castiel nods. “Yeah, I have one in ten minutes, and it’s a five minute bike ride to the building that it’s in. I’ll see you back at the house tonight.”

“See ya, Cas.”

“Bye, Dean.” Castiel picks up his back and leaves the library feeling a little awkward. 

After that first day together in the library, Dean and Castiel start running into each other more on campus. They sit in the library together almost every day. Thursdays seem to be the one day where they don’t have the same time off. 

Dean finishes his essay a week after their first meeting. He sits down across from Castiel and passes him the printed out copy. 

“I hope you don’t mind. I just need to know if I’m going to completely fail this assignment.”

Castiel took the sheets of paper with a smile. “Not at all. I like editing.” He pulls a pen out of his backpack and starts reading over what Dean had written. 

A few minutes pass as Castiel reads. He makes it to the end and scans back over it, circling a few things. Then, he hands it back to Dean. “It’s well organized and your sentences are good. You had a few comma errors but nothing big. I doubt your math professor will rip apart your grammar and sentence structure.”

Dean smiles and looks over the papers. “Thank you so much. Your advice actually really helped. I always skipped out on the outline stuff since I thought it was pointless.”

“Everyone has a different approach to writing. My method is pretty much exactly the advice I gave you. I outline everything to see it better,” Castiel explains. 

Dean smiles and looks back at his laptop. “Just in case, I’ll fix those comma errors you circled. I don’t know how much of a stickler this guy is for that kind of stuff. Luckily, this is the only essay I have to write for this class. There’s not another one listed in the syllabus.”

“That’s a relief for you, I’m sure.”

“Thanks to you, I’m pretty sure I nailed it. You’re the best, man.” Dean reaches across the table and grabs Castiel’s hand, squeezing it before letting go. 

Castiel doesn’t resist but he does startle a little. Dean had been getting progressively more flirty as time had gone on. This is the first time he got physical with it. “I’m glad I could help.” 

Castiel knows Dean is bisexual, but part of him still believes that a guy that attractive would never be interested in him. His self confidence was never high, so meeting a guy like Dean and developing a crush on him is scary territory. 

When Castiel goes to bed that night, all he can think about is Dean, his hair, his smile, his laugh, and everything else that makes Castiel feel weak in the chest.


	3. Chapter 3

Before Castiel knows it, September comes. Daily life doesn’t change. Castiel still sees Dean at the library almost every day and enjoys his company back at the house. The flirting has gotten a little more intense. 

Castiel walks out of his shower, a towel low on his waist. He glances at himself in the mirror and starts walking to his bedroom, pausing when he hears a whistle. 

“Damn, I really need to get a bike. You look good, buddy.”

Castiel flushes crimson and chuckles. “Ha, thanks. You’re, um, not so bad yourself.”

Dean laughs softly and winks at Castiel, turning his attention back to the TV. 

Castiel runs into his room and closes the door. That was the first time he actually responded to the flirting, and attempted to flirt back. He isn’t sure how well that went for him. 

It’s nearly dinnertime, and Castiel is hungry. He knows what he’s craving, but he’s not sure if he’s willing to get dressed to go there. After a minute of thinking, he knows his choice. He throws on a t-shirt and jeans, pulls his shoes on, and walks out into the living room. 

“I’m craving WaHo, I’ll be back in a bit.” Castiel grabs his wallet. 

“WaHo?”

“Yeah. Waffle House.”

Dean raises a brow. “Waffle House?”

“What? Do you not like it?”

Dean shrugs. “I don’t know. I’ve never been to a Waffle House.”

Castiel’s eyes widen. “How? Surely you had Waffle House in Kansas, right?”

“We do. I just never went.”

“Come with me, then. I’ll pay for it. You can’t live in Georgia and not eat at Waffle House at least once.”

Dean stands up. “Hey, I won’t argue against free food.”

Castiel leads the way out to his car. 

“Wait, let’s take Baby. I’m not riding in a Prius unless my life depends on it.”

Castiel rolls his eyes. “You don’t even know where the Waffle House is.”

Dean spins his keyring on his finger. “You seem like someone who can give good directions. C’mon, you’re gonna love my car.”

Castiel sighs and gets in, sitting in the passenger seat. He looks around the interior of the car. “It’s nice. It’s really well-kept.”

“Of course she is. I take good care of my Baby.” Dean starts up the engine and grins. “Hear her purring?”

Castiel chuckles. “Yeah, the whole neighborhood can.”

Dean pulls out of the driveway. “Alright, wise guy. Which way?”

“Left.” Castiel leans back in his seat. “Where did you get this car?”

“My dad. She was his, and she was his dad’s before him. I had to fix her up a little after I bought her off my dad, but now she’s in great shape.” Dean came up to a red light. “Straight?”

“Me? No. At this light, yes.”

Dean barks out a laugh. “You and me both, Cas.” He continues straight and drums his fingers against the steering wheel. “So, tell me more about yourself. I feel like you haven’t told me anything juicy.”

Castiel chuckles. “There’s not anything juicy to tell. I was born and raised in Georgia, my parents are from Illinois, I’m an only child...I don’t know, I have tinnitus?”

“What’s that?”

“Ringing in my ears. It comes and goes.” Castiel looks at where they are. “Left at the light.”

Dean nods. “Is that just the fancy name for ringing in your ears, or like a chronic thing?”

“Chronic. I’ve had it ever since I could remember. Nothing in particular happened, which is odd, but the doctors don’t have any other explanation for it. Drummers get tinnitus sometimes from the loud noises.” He pauses. “Right at the next road.”

Dean turns the car and nods. “See, I didn’t know that. Now I’m learning more about you.”

“You don’t tell me anything about yourself either.”

Dean shrugs. “Alright. I’m an aquarius, I was born in Kansas, but I spent most of my life traveling the country with my dad and brother, and I listen to cassette tapes. They’re in the glove compartment in front of you.”

Castiel tilts his head. “Did your dad have a traveling job?”

“Mmhm.”

“So you’re telling me that you travelled the country for most of your life and still never ate at a Waffle House?”

Dean laughs. “You’re really surprised at that, huh?”

“It’s just interesting. Everyone around here worships Waffle House. We call it WaHo for short.”

Dean spots the Waffle House on the left and turns into the parking lot. “Well, I guess I’m finally trying it.”

Castiel gets out of the car and waits for Dean with a smile. They walk up to the door, and Dean holds the door open for Castiel, making him blush and run inside quickly. 

The inside of the restaurant looks like every other Waffle House. The white and black tile walls accentuate the gray booths with red leather cushions. There’s a counter with barstools, where a few patrons are sitting. 

Castiel leads the way to a table and sits down. He picks up the menu from the back of the condiment carrier. “What breakfast foods do you like?”

Dean sits down across from Castiel. “Uh, pancakes, grits, bacon, scrambled eggs?”

“There’s no pancakes here. Only waffles, and you’re getting one.”

Dean chuckles. “Alright, I will. What else should I get?”

“Depends on how hungry you are. Get the waffle, and pick two or three sides. I get a waffle, bacon, and hashbrowns. I highly recommend the hashbrowns.”

“I’ll get the same thing as you, then. I trust your judgement.”

“What do you like on your hashbrowns? Cheese? Onions? Ham?”

“Hm, cheese and onions I guess.” Dean shrugs. 

Castiel smiles. “Same here.” He puts the menu away and smiles politely at the waitress that approaches them. She sets napkins and silverware in front of them.

“What can I get for you?”

Castiel answers for both of them, “We’ll both take a waffle with a side of bacon and hashbrowns, scattered, smothered, and covered. I’ll have water to drink.”

Dean eyes Castiel strangely before looking up at the waitress. “I’ll have water too.”

The waitress smiles and nods. “Alright, I’ll have that right out for you.”

Dean waits until the waitress is gone before looking at Castiel. “What did you say? When you were ordering the hashbrowns?”

“Oh, it’s just the lingo for the restaurant. It’s on the menu.” Castiel picks the menu back up and points out the part about the hashbrowns to Dean. 

Dean squints at the menu and looks over it. “Huh. Interesting.” He sits back and sighs. “This is an interesting little place.”

“Every Waffle House in the country looks exactly like this.” Castiel nods politely to the waitress when she brings their waters. “I should say, I don’t love this place because the food is divine. It is good, but it’s not fancy by any means. It’s cheap, and perfect when you’re super hungry.”

“Sounds like a good place for when you have the munchies.”

Castiel chuckles and nods. “It is. I’ve been here several times with the munchies.”

Dean raises a brow. “Do you mean what I think you mean by that?”

Castiel tilts his head. “What? You don’t think I know what the munchies are?”

“I don’t think I pictured you as someone who smokes weed.”

Castiel laughs softly. “I smoke. Not very often, but I do.”

Dean crossed his arms. “Well, I’ll be damned. I heard it was super illegal here.”

“It is. Is it not in Kansas?”

Dean nods. “Very illegal in Kansas too. You can still find it, though.”

“You can anywhere, I think.” Castiel takes a sip of his water. 

Dean hums. “You’re a funny guy. I was a little nervous before we met that I’d get stuck with someone I didn’t like, but I really like you.”

Castiel smiles. “I like you too. I think we’re good roommates. We don’t get in each other’s business, we get along, we respect one another, and we even study well together.”

Dean sits forward in his seat, leaning his elbows on the table. “Never thought I’d have a first date here.”

Castiel’s eyes widen. “A what?”

Dean grins at Castiel and winks. “I’m messing with you, buddy. I’m kidding.”

Castiel nods a bit, suddenly a little more on edge. Dean’s flirtatious nature was very much welcomed, but that didn’t stop Castiel from getting extremely nervous about it. 

“So, what were you like in high school? What was growing up like for you?”

Castiel relaxes a little at the change in subject. “I was very uncool, not that I’m any cooler now. Growing up? I guess it was alright. My parents are super religious, but they’re really accepting of me. I came out to them a year ago. Of course, I’ve known since I was fourteen, but I didn’t want to come out until I was ready.”

“Is that why your name is Castiel? I googled it, out of curiosity, and saw that it was biblical.”

Castiel nods with a smile. “You trying to find out if I have a shady past?”

“Maybe.” Dean winks.

Castiel rolls his eyes. “Well, I don’t have a shady past. Not at all. My life has been pretty boring. What about you? Do you have a shady past?” Castiel teases. 

“Maybe. Google my name and find out.” Dean sips his water with a grin. 

“How about your life growing up? What were you like in high school?”

Dean shrugs. “Well, I traveled a lot because of my dad’s job, so I went to a bunch of different high schools. I was kind of nerdy, but I had a ton of girlfriends. Probably overcompensating because I realized that I liked dudes too.”

“Did you come out in high school?”

Dean shakes his head. “I came out to my brother...three months ago now. I didn’t have a lot of close friends at KU, so I didn’t ever tell them. You’re the second person who knows.”

Castiel smiles softly. “I’m honored, then. Congrats on coming out. I know from experience how hard it can be.”

“Thanks, man. I appreciate you being so chill about it. I don’t like when people make it a big deal.”

“Me neither.” Castiel hums and runs his fingers along the surface of the table. “What made you decide to be an engineering major?”

“Well, for starters, I love cars. When I was in my senior year of highschool and while I was taking my gap year I helped out a family friend at his body shop. I loved working on the cars but I wanted to do more. I’d probably be pretty happy as a mechanic, but I wanted to give college a try. I ended up really liking my classes and what I was studying, so I want to be a mechanical engineer one day now.”

Castiel smiles. Dean seemed to like talking about his education and he was really cute when he talked like that. He seemed inspired and motivated. 

“So, what about you? What made you pick English?”

Castiel shrugs. “English and reading classes were my favorite all throughout my primary education. They were the only classes I looked forward to. I’ve always known that I’m good at instruction and I’m a very patient person so teaching just feels like the right job for me. I want to be a professor, since I’m not great with kids. I feel like young adults are easier and the content is more fun to teach. I want to write my own books and be an established author too. Writing has always been my escape from reality.”

Dean rests his elbows on the table and his chin in his hands as he watches Castiel. “You’re gonna be a great professor one day. I can already picture you doing it.”

“Thank you. That means a lot to hear.” Castiel pauses because their food is arriving. 

The waitress sets two waffles in front of them, two plates of hashbrowns, and two plates of bacon. She asks if they need anything else, to which the boys politely decline. 

Castiel picks up his fork with a smile. “Enjoy.”

Dean adds some syrup to his waffle and starts eating. “You’re right, this place would be fantastic for the munchies. I’d eat this for a hangover too.”

Castiel starts on his hashbrowns, adding some ketchup to them. “I had a craving for it today. It’s been awhile since I’ve eaten here.” He shovels a forkful of hashbrowns into his mouth. 

“Well, thanks for bringing me along. I appreciate it.”

“In fairness, I kind of dragged you along.”

Dean chuckles. “I know you offered to pay, but I’ll get my own food. Consider it thanks for bringing me here.”

Castiel shakes his head. “I already said I’d pay for you. Besides, this place is cheap. It’s not five star dining.”

Dean swallows his mouthful of food. “I know, but still. You’re lucky I’m only arguing to pay for my own and not yours too.”

“Why would you pay for mine?”

Dean shrugs. “I want to.”

Castiel hums. “Fine, then you can pay for your own. I’d feel terrible if you drove me here and paid for my meal.”

“Consider it part of my gentlemanly nature.”

Castiel raises a brow. “A gentleman, now?”

“I held open the door for you, that was pretty gentlemanly.”

“Fair enough, it was.” Castiel grins and pauses the conversation to keep eating. He never eats this amount of food on a regular basis, but tonight, he has a craving to satisfy. 

Silence falls over the two as they enjoy their meals. Soon, all of the plates are cleared, and Castiel’s craving is satisfied. 

Dean leans back in the booth seat. “That was fantastic. You’re an angel for bringing me here.”

Castiel smiles. “I had to. It’s part of the culture here.” The waitress returns to ask them how the check is split, and Castiel answers that it’s separate. She writes down a few things on her notepad and leaves two yellow slips of paper on the table.

Dean picks up one of the slips and hums. “You’re right, this place is very cheap. I like it.”

Castiel takes his check and pulls his wallet out of his pocket. “We pay up at the counter.”

Dean stands up first and walks over to the counter. Once he arrives, he gestures for Castiel to go in front of him. “Go on.”

Castiel smiles and steps in front of Dean. He pays his bill and moves to the side to let Dean do the same. 

Dean holds an elbow out to Castiel with a grin. “I’ll walk you out.”

Castiel stares at Dean’s arm, raises a brow, then rolls his eyes and links his elbow with Dean’s. “You’re ridiculous.”

Dean leads both of them out of the Waffle House. “I know.” He stops by the passenger side door of the impala.

Castiel unlinks their elbows and turns to face Dean. Suddenly, they are very, very close to one another. Their faces are mere inches apart. Dean glances at Castiel’s lips, pausing as he stares. 

Castiel swallows and meets Dean’s eyes. “So are you going to kiss me or what?”

Dean immediately leans in and kisses Castiel, his hand coming up to cup the other man’s cheek. Castiel wraps his arms around Dean’s waist and pulls him closer, which results in him getting lightly pressed into the side of the car by Dean’s body. 

Dean pulls back and smiles. “You ready to co-pilot me back to the house?”

Castiel nods, breathing a little heavier than before. “I am.”

Dean leaves to get in the driver’s seat, a little more swagger in his step. He seems happy. 

Castiel opens the car door and slides into the passenger seat, buckling himself in. He puts a hand on his chest, willing his heart to stop beating so fast. 

“You okay there, buddy?”

Castiel raises a brow. “You’re going to call me buddy after that?”

Dean shrugs. “It’s just one of my nicknames for you at this point, I don’t mean anything by it. So, are you okay?”

Castiel nods. “I’m okay. Very okay.”

“Good, I’m glad to hear it.” Dean starts up the car and pulls out of the parking lot. 

The only words spoken during the car ride are Castiel’s directions back to the house. Once they arrive, they part ways to go to their separate bedrooms without a word about the kiss. 

Castiel lays in his bed that night, staring at his ceiling and being unable to stop thinking about how his hot roommate just kissed him.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning, Castiel knows he needs to talk to Dean about what happened last night. The kiss was sudden, but it was perfect. Castiel had even dreamt about it. It was so good that Castiel needs to talk to Dean and figure out the state of their friendship. 

Castiel emerges from his room to make breakfast. It’s Saturday, so they’re both home and free. Dean usually slept in on the weekends, but it’s already nine am, so Castiel hopes that Dean will come out in the main space soon. 

Castiel sits down at the table and eats his omelette. He stares out the glass doors at the backyard and wishes he had more time to make it pretty. Just as he finishes eating, Dean’s bedroom door opens. 

“Morning.”

Castiel gives a small wave of his hand. “Good morning. How did you sleep?”

“I slept good.” Dean walks into the kitchen and starts looking through the fridge.

Castiel pauses, trying to find the words. “Could we talk about last night?”

“What about last night?”

Castiel blinks a few times, unsure how Dean could forget. “You know...the kiss.”

“Oh, right. That.” Dean stands there, staring into the fridge. His body is rigid and still like a statue. “I’m sorry about that. It was an accident. It won’t happen again.”

Castiel’s heart drops to his stomach, and he goes quiet for a few seconds. “Oh. Okay.” 

As Castiel cleans up his dishes, rejection fully settles into him. Of course Dean didn’t mean it. He’s way out of Castiel’s league. There’s no way that Dean would want him. Still, it felt unfair. Their chemistry was palpable last night, and everything was great. Suddenly, they were a little awkward, and everything felt weird. 

Instead of staying in the living space to be around Dean, Castiel retreats to his room to hide. He closes the door and lays back down in bed, staring at his phone. He briefly glances at his rainbow flag hanging on his wall. It feels like the flag is mocking him. He had struggled to meet anyone who was LGBTQ, and now that he’s met someone he likes who has the potential to be attracted to him, he gets rejected. 

Rejection does things to a person. It isn’t just a feeling of sadness. Rejection has a way of eating at someone and making them think that everything is their fault. Suddenly, they’re analyzing every single one of their own flaws to find a reason for the rejection. It makes a person look at themselves under a microscope, and not in a good way. 

Castiel had been rejected before. It was back in high school, and he met him at the Gay Straight Alliance club. His name was Balthazar, and he was a little strange, but Castiel liked him. He was good looking and funny, and also gay. That was a big factor. Castiel asked him out after one of the meetings one day, and he got firmly rejected. Somehow, the rejection from Dean feels worse. Maybe it’s because Castiel had been so sure he felt real chemistry between them. Then again, what would he know? He had never been in a relationship before. 

For the rest of the weekend, Castiel spends most of his time hiding away in his room. He goes for a bike ride Sunday evening, which he always enjoys. It’s fun to ride around campus while it is empty. There was an actual breeze instead of the usual still and humid air. 

On Monday, he goes to class as per usual. He starts to wonder if Dean will join him in the library. Part of him hopes that he doesn’t, just out of the fear of it being awkward. 

Sure enough, when Castiel gets set up in his usual spot, Dean appears. He sits down across from him without a word about the tension Castiel was feeling. He starts working on his schoolwork, only giving Castiel a brief glance and a smile. 

Castiel thinks about getting up and moving away, but he stops himself. If Dean doesn’t want things to be awkward, then Castiel should try for him. Maybe they can go back to the way things were before the Waffle House incident, as Castiel had dubbed it. 

Castiel leaves for class about an hour later, waving politely at Dean before walking out of the library. He feels slightly better about their situation. They didn’t say a word to each other, but somehow it feels like they had talked it out and that things have gone back to normal. It’s a comforting feeling that gives Castiel the confidence to actually sit out in the living room that evening. 

He watches the TV and scrolls through his phone while eating a bowl of pasta that he made. It was really nice to have a kitchen and to make his own food instead of going to the dining hall. The house is quiet, and it’s nearly five fifteen, which is the time Dean usually gets home. 

The door opens and Dean walks in. He seems a little startled to see Castiel in the living room, but happy nonetheless. 

“How was work?” Castiel asks around a mouthful of noodles. 

Dean walks over to the couch and plops himself down, setting his backpack aside. “More stressful than usual. Several math classes just had quizzes and have upcoming exams, so people are starting to flood the tutoring center.”

“That must be more fun than just sitting there and waiting for someone, right?”

“It is. I like tutoring math. It makes me better at it and strengthens my basics. It’s just stressful when there’s people waiting and I don’t have the time to sit there one-on-one with everyone.” Dean picks at a stray thread on his jeans. 

Castiel notices Dean’s more quiet and tense demeanor. “Is something wrong?”

Dean sighs and leans back into the couch. “I was a dick.”

“When?”

“With you. Saying the kiss was an accident was a real dick move on my part. I can imagine that it sucked for you. You got all quiet and avoided me all weekend.”

Castiel stares at Dean, then drops his gaze to the floor. “So it wasn’t an accident?”

“No, it wasn’t.” Dean pauses to collect himself. “I’m going to be honest with you, I can’t be in a relationship, at least, not yet. It’s too soon.”

Castiel turns his head to look at Dean, concern in his face. “Did something happen?”

Dean looks into Castiel’s eyes, seemingly searching for something in him. “Yeah. A lot happened.”

“You can talk to me, if you want. I’m a pretty good listener. Of course, you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

Dean takes a deep breath. “I had a girlfriend back at KU, Lisa. We started dating during the first week of classes. We were together almost the whole time I was there. Sophomore year, she told me she was pregnant. I panicked at first, but then I decided I could do it. I considered dropping out and getting a job to support us, but she told me to stay in school. I was fully prepared to be a dad by the time the kid came. Then, much to my surprise, she wanted a paternity test before I signed the birth certificate. She admitted to cheating on me a few times with our mutual friend. The kid was his.”

Castiel listens and frowns. He wants to reach out and hug Dean, but he decides that he should give him space to talk. 

“We considered staying together, even after that. I wanted to be there for Ben. To me, he was still my kid. Eventually, she decided that she wanted to be with Ben’s biological dad, who stepped into the picture and wanted to be a dad. It tore me apart, man. I lost my girlfriend, who I planned on marrying, and my kid at the same time. I was going to still be in his life, but I screwed it all up.” Dean leans forward and buries his face in his hands. 

Castiel reaches out and puts a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “It couldn’t have been your fault. You didn’t do anything.”

“But I did. It was a few weeks after Ben was born, right at the beginning of the spring semester. I went to Lisa’s apartment, and we had a fight. I was angry for no reason. I just blew up and exploded about how much she had hurt me. She told me to get out and to stay away from both of them. I had some other things going on that were making me think of moving, but that convinced me. I had to get as far away from Kansas as possible. I looked up some good schools on the east and west coasts, and I ended up here.” Dean sits up with a sigh. “So there’s my sob story.”

Castiel removes his hand from Dean’s shoulder and looks at his face. “I still don’t see how any of that was your fault. Even if you fought with Lisa, you were just trying to express how you felt. You didn’t start throwing stuff or something, did you?”

Dean shook his head quickly. “No, of course not. I didn’t do anything except yell.”

“Well, the yelling isn’t good, but you were just expressing your anger and sadness. I’m not going to sit here and tell you that everything you did was right but what I can say is that I’m a pretty good judge of character. I don’t think you’re a bad guy, nor do I think you’re bad just for what happened. I can’t imagine what that must have been like for you, so I’m sorry. You’re justified in being very upset with her. It’s awful what happened and you deserve to feel angry.”

Dean looks down at the floor. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, I do like you. I think there’s something between us, but if we tried a relationship now, I’d screw it up. It’s too soon, and I’m not ready. I’d do something dumb and get both of us hurt, and that’s the last thing I want.”

Castiel nods. “As much as I don’t think you’d screw up, I understand that you’re not ready. I’m probably not really ready for a relationship either. I’ve never been in one before, so it’s not my area of expertise.”

Dean turns to Castiel and raises a brow. “Really? You’ve never been in a relationship? You’ve been on dates though, right?”

Castiel shakes his head. “No, nothing.”

Dean’s eyes widen. “Please tell me I didn’t give you your first kiss only to be a complete dick about it.”

Castiel chuckles and shakes his head. “No, I’ve kissed someone before. I was in high school, and it was right when I realized I was one hundred percent gay and not bisexual. A girl told me she had a crush on me and asked me to kiss her. I did, then I told her that I wasn’t interested and ran away. It was embarrassing, to say the least.”

Dean laughs. “No offense, but I can so picture teenage-you doing that.”

Castiel rolls his eyes and sighs. “So, back to friends?”

Dean looks at Castiel and smiles softly. “Yeah. For now.”

Castiel nods and smiles back. “Wanna watch a movie?”

Dean grins. “Only if I can pick.”


	5. Chapter 5

The weather in Georgia is more like a very long summer, a short winter, and then summer again. Spring and Fall are almost nonexistent. As the days move into October, the weather is still hot. It had cooled down to the mid-80’s during the day, but it got chilly at night, dipping down into the 50’s. 

Castiel’s birthday is coming up. It falls on October 20th, and he’s about to turn twenty-one. Meg wants big plans, but Castiel prefers to keep his birthday lowkey. As soon as Gabriel finds out Castiel’s birthday is coming up, it’s all over. He goes on about how he’s going to throw a big party at his place and everyone Castiel knows should come. Of course, that wasn’t very many people.

Through Dean, Castiel had made some new friends. Jo and Ash are old buddies of Dean’s from when he traveled all over the country. Charlie is a new friend Dean made in his computer science class. She took a liking to Castiel upon meeting him, and since then they’ve been pretty close. 

Castiel sits in his room, reading a book. It’s his birthday, a Saturday, and he knows that he’s supposed to be at Gabriel’s apartment soon, but he’s procrastinating a little. He hears a knock on his door and closes his book. “Come in.”

Dean opens the door with a grin on his face. “Hey, Cas. You almost ready?”

Castiel looks down at his outfit. He’s in sweatpants and a t-shirt, which looks a little sad next to Dean’s collared shirt and jeans. “I guess not.”

Dean steps into the room, one hand behind his back. “Before you get ready, I got something for you.”

Castiel sits up and slides out of bed. “Dean, you didn’t have to get me anything.”

“I know. But, I saw this and I knew you’d like it.” Dean pulls the item from behind his back and presents a thick, blue book. “It’s American Gods by Neil Gaiman. You said you wanted to read more by him and I’ve actually read this before, a few years back. It’s really good and I think you’d like it.”

Castiel gently takes the book and smiles. “Thank you. I actually thought about buying this book recently but I didn’t, so I’m glad you got it for me. I’ll let you know how I like it once I finish.”

Dean smiles big, clearly proud of his gift. “I’m really glad you like it. Now, put some clothes on and let’s get to Gabriel’s place. If you’re having a bad time I’ll make up an excuse and we’ll leave.”

Castiel sets the book on his bed. “Thank you. I think it’ll be fun, I’m just being mopey.”

“Don’t be. You’re twenty-one now, so you don’t have to drink my alcohol.”

Castiel laughs. “I drank one beer of yours after you offered it to me, that hardly counts.”

Dean chuckles. “Whatever you say.” He steps out of the room and closes the door. 

Castiel shakes his head with a soft laugh and opens his closet to grab something to wear. 

Things have been really good with Dean. Castiel worried that after their conversation about relationships that things would be awkward, but they aren’t. There’s a mutual understanding between them, so nothing is unspoken. They still meet up in the library almost everyday, now with Gabriel, who is a good addition to the study group. They eat dinner together at the table every night and take care of the yard together. It’s nice.

Castiel puts on a red button-up shirt and some dark jeans. He walks to his bathroom to make sure his hair isn’t awful. It still stuck up everywhere, but he knew by now that there was nothing he could do about that. 

Dean is sitting in the living room when Castiel walks out. He stands up from the couch and grins. “You look good. Let’s go.”

“Thanks. Are you driving?”

“You know I won’t get in that Prius.”

Castiel rolls his eyes with a chuckle and follows Dean out to the impala. He hops into the passenger seat and looks over at Dean. “You know where we’re going?”

“Yup, Gabriel texted me the address.” Dean starts up his car and pulls out of the driveway. 

Castiel drums his fingers against his thigh. “Knowing Gabriel, there is probably going to be a lot of alcohol.”

“Do you even drink a lot? I’ve only ever seen you with that one beer.”

Castiel shrugs. “I’ve been to a few parties and gotten drunk. Not often, though. Blame it on my upbringing. I was warned about drinking before I came here. I didn’t listen much.”

“You don’t talk about your upbringing a lot. Were your parents super conservative or something?” Dean glances at Castiel, curiosity coming through his deep green eyes. 

Castiel pauses. He didn’t realize how little he had spoken about his parents. “A little, I guess. They’re very religious. They called me their miracle from heaven, since they tried for a baby for years before adopting me.”

Dean swings his head towards Castiel and then quickly back at the road. “You’re adopted? You never told me that.”

“I guess it never came up. I was adopted as a newborn, so I’ve never known another family.”

Dean huffs a bit, a grin curling his lip up on the right side. “I guess it’s not that important to know, but still. I’ve known you for two months now and I’d like to keep getting to know you.”

Castiel smiles to himself. Dean always had a way of showing this tender side of himself that usually stayed hidden. It was gone when they were in the library together or with friends. He wasn’t cold by any means, but he wasn’t nearly as invested in other people like he was with Castiel, enough so that it was noticeable. “What else do you want to know?”

“Any siblings?”

Castiel shakes his head, watching the town of Athens pass them by. “No, just me.”

“I can’t imagine being an only child.”

Castiel looks at Dean and tilts his head. “I didn’t know that you had siblings. You know, you never talk about your upbringing either. I don’t know anything about your parents or your siblings.”

Dean bristled and held the steering wheel tightly. “My family ain’t exactly made up of kittens and rainbows.”

“Oh. I’m sorry. I won’t ask again.”

Dean sighs and shakes his head. “No, it’s okay. I asked you.” He pauses, staring out at the evening sky. “It was just my dad growing up. My mom died when I was four. I have a little brother named Sam. He lives with a family friend in Sioux Falls, South Dakota.”

Castiel listens and nods. “And your dad?”

“I don’t talk to him anymore. He raised me and Sam, but not in the last three years. I sent Sammy to live with Bobby when I went off to college.”

Castiel starts to say something else, but then Dean is parking the car in the lot outside Gabriel’s apartment. It’s one of the nicest apartment buildings in downtown Athens. Athens didn’t have big high rises or massive complexes, but this was as close as they got. The building was about five stories tall and the apartments had massive windows and balconies. 

Dean steps out of the car and shuts the door behind himself. “I’ll say it again, man, if you stop having fun just let me know and I’ll make up some excuse for you to drive me home.”

“You’d let me drive your car?”

“Hell no. I’ll drive.”

Castiel lets out a laugh and sticks his hands in his pockets. “Alright. Thank you.”

Dean gives Castiel one of his charming grins and twirls his keys on his finger. “Let’s get in there.”

Castiel follows closely behind Dean into the apartment building. They take the elevator up to the fifth floor of the building, listening to the chimes as each floor passes them by. Castiel feels nerves bubbling up in his chest from the idea of a crazy party, but he calms them with a reminder of Dean’s promise. He can get out if he needs too. 

Dean knocks three times on Gabriel’s apartment door, the sound echoing through the empty, carpeted hallway. Castiel stares at a fake plant at the end of the hall while they wait. 

The door swings open and Gabriel smirks up at them. “The man of the hour is here!”

Castiel smiles sheepishly and waves. “Hello, Gabriel.”

Gabriel leans forward and grabs Castiel’s wrist, pulling him into the apartment. The inside of the apartment is the last thing Castiel expects. From knowing Gabriel, he expected the place to look like the inside of a frat house, complete with panels of beer boxes taped to the walls. Instead, he finds a modernly decorated apartment with chic furniture and a few houseplants scattered around. The balcony has nice furniture on it, and the doors are open, allowing a gentle fall breeze to make its way into the apartment. 

“Wow, this place is really nice. Did it come like this?” Castiel gapes as he looks around the apartment.

“The furniture did, but I put covers on the couches and chairs. The rest is all me.” Gabriel pulls Castiel into the living room and pointedly pushes him onto the sofa. 

Castiel places his hands on his knees. “Are your roommates here?”

Gabriel chuckles. “I don’t have roommates. I live here alone.”

Castiel looks down both hallways of the apartment, spotting two separate doors, similar to the arrangement in his and Dean's house. “There’s two bedrooms. How do you not have a roommate?”

“Didn’t fill up, I guess. I just don’t.”

Castiel stares at Gabriel in disbelief. “How? This is the best apartment complex in Athens. Everyone wants to live here.”

Gabriel shrugs. “Beats me.” Just as Castiel is about to ask another question, there’s another knock on the door. “I’ll get it.”

Dean sits down on the couch next to Castiel. “Damn. This is really nice. I’m glad he hosted.”

“Me too. I really didn’t feel like vacuuming today.”

Dean laughs and pats Castiel on the back. 

The door opens and a red flash of hair comes through the door. Charlie sets something on the counter before running to Castiel and hugging him tightly.

“Happy Birthday, Cas!”

Castiel smiles and hugs her back. “Thank you, Charlie.”

She takes a step back and grins. “I baked a cake for you. It’s just vanilla with buttercream, I wasn’t sure what you liked.”

“You didn’t have to do that, Charlie, thank you.”

Dean sat up, peering at the counter to see the cake. “Thank you very much.”

Charlie flicks Dean in the shoulder. “Don’t touch it until Cas has some.”

Dean holds his hands up in surrender. “I won’t, scout’s honor.”

Gabriel opens his pantry and starts pulling out food item after food item. He fills a bowl with chips, sets out Chex Mix, crackers and cheese. “Get some food in your system, Cas. I bought you alcohol.”

“I didn’t know you were already twenty-one, Gabriel.” Castiel stared at the amount of food and suddenly felt a little bad that he didn’t bring anything.

“Yeah, I am.” Gabriel opens the freezer and sets out a handle of vodka, Jack Daniels, and takes a case of beer out of the fridge. “We’re drinking good tonight.”

Castiel raises a brow at just how much there is and at how the alcohol isn’t bottom shelf alcohol like he usually drank. The vodka is Grey Goose, the Jack Daniels is pretty nice, and the beer isn’t Natural Light, for once. Dean always bought Bud Light, but Gabriel has some brand that Castiel only recognizes as the expensive beers. They are drinking good tonight.

Gabriel opens the door again and three more people arrive: Meg, Jo, and Ash. With them, everyone had arrived. 

Jo is considered the baby of the friend group. She’s a sophomore and only nineteen, so everyone is protective over her, especially Dean. He treats her like a little sister, much to her dismay. Despite her age, she’s the life of the party. She can beat everyone in the room at Texas Hold ‘Em and holds her liquor better than her counterpart, Ash. 

Ash is practically Jo’s brother, though not by blood. He was adopted by the Harvelle family as a young child, so he grew up in the Roadhouse, Ellen’s bar in Dahlonega, a town in the mountains way up in North Georgia. Dean talked about visiting the Roadhouse as a teenager and how it was the only place he knew in Georgia. Part of his motivation to transfer to UGA was to be in the same school as Jo and Ash. 

Meg walks straight up to Castiel and drops a colorful bag into his lap. “Open it.”

Castiel makes a face, staring up at Meg. “I told you not to buy me a present.”

“Of course I was still going to buy you a present, dumbass. Open it.” Meg crosses her arms over her chest and leans her weight onto one leg. 

Castiel keeps his eyes on Meg for a few more seconds, making sure that she knows how he feels about gifts. He lowers his eyes to the yellow bag and pulls the bright blue glittery tissue paper out of it. He peers into the bag and pulls out two jars. 

“It’s fresh honey from that little fruit stand between Eatonton and Madison, you know, on 441 on the way to Milledgeville? The one that says ‘peches’ instead of peaches?”

Castiel chuckles and nods. “I do remember the ‘peches’ stand. You really drove all the way out there for this?”

“It’s not that far.”

“It’s about an hour, isn’t it?” Castiel smiles. “Thank you. This is really nice.”

Meg smiles back, her face softening slightly for once. “You’re welcome, Clarence. Enjoy it.”

“I will.” Castiel places the honey back in the bag and sets it aside.

Gabriel slaps his hands onto the counter. “I didn’t buy all of this food for it to be ignored. Get over here and eat.”

The group migrates to the kitchen and starts snacking on the various goodies scattered around Gabriel’s kitchen. Jo remarks that they should start drinking soon, since it’s verging on 8pm. 

Gabriel takes out shot glasses and lines them on the counter. “Birthday boy goes first. What do you want?”

Castiel looks at the two liquors available. “For a shot? Give me the whiskey. I’ll only take vodka shots if I’m desperate.”

Gabriel grins and pours Castiel a shot. “Fair enough. Here you go.”

Castiel feels groups eyes on him as he takes the glass from Gabriel. He chuckles to himself and shakes his head before throwing back the shot. He was never the biggest whiskey fan, nor was he very good at shots, so he clicked his tongue and let out a breath through his mouth once it was down. 

Dean cheered and clapped Castiel on the back. The rest of the group poured shots of their choice and took them while Dean stood idly by. Castiel took notice and tilted his head. 

“You’re not drinking?”

“Nah, I’m driving everyone home tonight. I’ll have a beer or two.” Dean leans against the kitchen counter and munches on some Chex Mix, a grin on his face. He looks at Castiel and raises a brow in question. Castiel knows it’s just Dean asking if he’s okay, so he nods. The party is actually fun. It’s a small group and everyone is getting along great.

Gabriel puts on music that blasts through a set of speakers in front of his TV. There’s not much dancing happening, but everyone is drinking, snacking, and laughing amongst themselves. 

Castiel is usually a moderate drinker. He doesn’t like to get super drunk most of the time. He prefers a good buzz that he can control. Tonight, things are a little different. He pours himself several strong Jack and Cokes, and he’s really starting to feel it. He even dances with Meg on the porch, swinging awkwardly to the beat of the music. 

Out of everyone in the room, Castiel is quickly becoming the drunkest. Jo is at a close second with Ash right behind her. Castiel throws back another shot and goes back to the beer he’s drinking. He spots Dean standing in the corner, drinking his own beer and watching the group with a smile. 

Gabriel pulls a card table out from his bedroom and sets it up in the middle of the living room. “Who here can beat me at beer pong?”

Castiel raises his hand. “I’m fairly experienced myself.”

Gabriel grins. “Let’s play in teams. Ash, get over here.”

“Aye-aye, Captain.” Ash struts over to Gabriel’s kitchen and starts helping him fill up red solo cups with a little bit of water. 

Castiel points to Dean with a grin. “C’mon, I know you have to be good at this.”

Dean chuckles and walks over. “I’ll try my best.”

“Don’t tell me you’ve never played!” Castiel sets his beer down and sways a bit as he stands back up. 

Dean sets his beer down on the coffee table and shrugs. “Never participated so I never learned.”

“Don’t worry, it’s easy. I’m good at this, so just follow my lead.”

Dean raises a brow, crossing his arms. “You sure you’re going to be good at it now? You’re pretty drunk.”

Castiel laughs, picking up his beer and finishing it off. “Beer pong is an anomaly. A lot of people get better when they get drunk. I’m one of them. I’m shit at this game when I’m sober.”

Dean nods. “Alright. Why don’t you pause the drinking for a little bit while we play?” There’s a hint of concern in his voice, and his face isn’t quite as happy as it was.

Castiel grins. “Awww, are you worried ‘bout me? That’s real sweet, Dean.” The drunker Castiel gets, the more southern he sounds. Despite being raised by parents from the Midwest with no southern accents, being raised in Georgia means he’s surrounded by the accent. He doesn’t have much of one himself, but parts of the sweet drawl start to peek through now that he’s drunk. 

Dean holds his hands up in surrender. “Just a suggestion.”

Castiel starts setting up their cups in the triangle formation. He pulls out the two ping pong balls that are in one of the cups and hands one to Dean. 

Gabriel stands at the end of the table. “You know eye-to-eye?”

Castiel nods and takes his spot across from Gabriel. They make eye contact and hold their balls up. “Eye. To. Eye,” both of them recite before throwing their balls at the same time. Castiel’s ball sinks into one of the cups on the right and he grins, turning to Dean. “We get to go first.”

“Do they take that cup away?”

“Nope. The real game starts now.” Castiel lines up his shot and throws his ball. It hits the side of the front cup and bounces off. “Damn.”

Dean replaces Castiel at the end of the table.

Castiel watches Dean. “Are we playin’ the bitch cup rule? Do we have to get on our knees if we get bitch cup?”

Gabriel shakes his head. “Nah, we can ditch that one.”

Dean looks at Castiel, his brows scrunched together. “What’s bitch cup?”

“The one in the middle, the easiest one to hit. You can aim for it if ya want. No consequences to hittin’ it first except losin’ your own pride. Bitch cup is free reign once you get any other cup.”

Dean nods and turns his head back towards the cups. He throws the ball and it sinks into a cup in the back row. “Hey, I’m not bad at this.”

And thus, the back and forth begins. Gabriel proves himself to be a well-versed player, sinking a cup on his first two turns. Castiel takes a few turns to warm up, then starts sinking cups like a pro. Dean turns out to be a pretty good player, sinking cup after cup. Ash isn’t the best at cup pong, but he damn sure tries. Jo yells at him to play like she taught him while Meg cheers on Castiel. Charlie stands beside Meg and teases Dean whenever he misses.

Soon, both teams are down to one cup and keep missing. Castiel has fetched himself another beer and is almost done with it. He lines up his shot, and sinks the ball into the last cup. Dean whoops, but Castiel stops him. 

“They can still win. If either of ‘em make this last shot, our shot doesn’t count and we keep goin’.” Castiel finishes off another beer and sways. He sets the can down and leans forward, hands planted on his thighs as he stares at Gabriel and Ash. 

Ash steps up to the head of the table. “I’ve got this, y’all.” He flips the long hair of his mullet over his shoulder and lines up the shot. He throws and the ball bounces off the side of the cup. “Damn!”

Gabriel walks up, holding his arms out. “Guys and gals, watch the pro.” He stares down the cup, and tosses the ball. It hits the edge of the cup and falls off the side, hitting the table. 

Castiel beams and throws his arms in the air. “Hell yeah!” 

Dean holds out a hand and claps it together with Castiel’s, grinning from ear to ear. 

Castiel holds Dean’s hand and pulls him in, grabbing the back of his head and kissing him. It’s short, but he feels Dean kissing back before he lets go. “I think we can be crowned the kings of beer pong now.”

Gabriel, Ash, Jo, Charlie, and Meg are all staring at Castiel and Dean with wide eyes. The room is silent save for the music and Castiel’s giggles. 

Castiel lets go of Dean’s hand and sways where he stands. “C’mon, I can kiss my friends when I’m happy! I’ll kiss everyone in this room!”

Meg laughs and shakes her head. “Clarence, you crack me up. Now quit drinking, you’re wasted and you’re going to puke if you keep downing those beers. How much have you had?”

Castiel pauses, thinking about it. “I dunno. A lot.” Hands hold his shoulders and guide him to sit down on the couch. 

Dean pats Castiel on the shoulder. “Let’s sit and watch a few more rounds of beer pong. You’re cut off for the rest of the night.” He sits down next to Castiel and turns his attention to the table where Meg and Jo have formed a team to take down Gabriel and Ash. 

Castiel pouts and leans on Dean’s shoulder. “Fine.” To Castiel, the room feels like it’s underwater or possibly aboard a boat. Everything sways from side to side, and his body feels big and clumsy. There’s an arm wrapped around Castiel’s shoulders and a hand holding his arm. It feels nice and suddenly Castiel is very sleepy. 

Cheers echo through the room when Gabriel and Ash beat Meg and Jo. Castiel’s eyes are heavy and he’s slumped against Dean. He wants more cake.

Dean moves his arm around Castiel’s chest and stands him up. “I think I need to get Cas to bed. Is everyone else ready to go?”

Meg checks her phone. “It’s nearly two am. I’m ready.”

Gabriel walks over to Castiel and pats him on the back. “You went hard tonight, buddy. I hope you had a good time.”

Castiel gives Gabriel a crooked grin. “I had a blast.”

Ash and Jo grab their things and thank Gabriel for hosting. Jo holds onto Ash, almost as drunk as Castiel is. Charlie stopped drinking early, so she seems fine.

Dean leads the group out of the apartment and down to the impala. Meg, Jo, and Ash all squish together in the backseat while Castiel and Charlie sit in the front on the bench seat. Castiel gets squished in the middle so that Charlie doesn’t have to climb over him.

Castiel feels his body beginning to succumb to sleep. He stares out the window as Dean drops off each of their friends at their respective homes. The purr of the engine starts to lull Castiel to sleep, so by the time they arrive at the house Castiel is pretty out of it. 

He feels his body being lifted out of the car and barely makes an effort to walk. He leans against the body next to him and drags his feet all the way to his bedroom. He falls face-first onto the bed and lays there. His feet are lifted onto the bed and a blanket is laid over him. The lights go off, and Castiel finally sleeps.


	6. Chapter 6

Castiel wakes up to the sound of his bedroom door opening and the light being flicked on. He groans and pulls a pillow over his head. 

“Mornin’ sunshine.” Dean’s voice is kind but a little smug. 

“Why are you waking me up early? We were out so late.” Castiel’s voice is even more gravelly than usual.

“It’s not early, buddy. It’s eleven-thirty. I made you breakfast an hour ago and it’s not gonna stay warm for much longer, even in the oven.”

Castiel rolls over and sits up, rubbing his eyes. His head pounds as he moves and the light feels too bright. “You made food?”

“Mmhm. Pancakes, bacon, and eggs. I figured that you’d have a hangover.” Dean leans against the doorframe, smiling at Castiel in a way that made his chest feel heavy. “You still remember last night, right? I didn’t think you were blackout.”

Castiel nods. “I remember. I wasn’t that drunk.” That’s when Castiel’s eyes go as wide as dinner plates and his face pales. “I kissed you last night.”

“It’s okay.” Dean is awfully nonchalant about the whole thing.

“I kissed you in front of everyone.”

“I kissed back. It’s not a big deal. You were really drunk, Cas. I’m not upset.”

Castiel buries his face in his hands. “I am! What am I supposed to tell our friends?”

“That you were really drunk and you got excited. That’s all it was. You even made a comment about kissing your friends and then offered to kiss everyone in the room. You’re okay.” Dean walks over to the bed and places a hand on Castiel’s shoulder. “It’s not the end of the world, I promise. These things happen. Nothing has to change between us. We’ve done this before, we can do it again.”

Castiel takes a deep breath and lets his hands drop to the bed. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t sweat it. Come get some breakfast and hydrate. I should have made you drink some water last night, but you were practically sleep-walking into the house.” 

Castiel slides out of bed and realizes that his shoes are off. He doesn’t remember taking them off. His curtains are closed and the shoes are carefully placed by his desk. “Hey, thanks for last night. I was pretty messed up and you took good care of me.”

“No problem. I know you’d do the same for me.”

Castiel smiles. “I would.”

He ventures out of his room to sit at the table. Dean hands him a big plate of food and a bottle of Gatorade. Castiel chugs half of the bottle before starting on his food. 

After breakfast, he takes some over the counter painkillers to ease his headache and sits himself on the couch for the afternoon to rest. Dean joins him later and watches the quiet TV with him. Castiel gets a call from his mother that afternoon and she asks him if he’s coming home soon. Castiel promises to visit the following weekend. 

Later, Castiel gets a text from Meg asking if he can drive her to her car back at Gabriel’s place. Castiel throws on some fresh clothes and leaves the house to go pick her up. 

Meg lives in a two person apartment with a girl named Ruby that Castiel was admittedly afraid of. Ruby and Meg were assigned dorm mates back during freshman year and they found that they were good at living together. They weren’t best friends but they got along well enough. 

Meg was already a little scary at times, but Ruby was on another level. She had the kind of attitude that told you that she wasn’t afraid to cut you down if you got in her way. She never seemed to like Castiel very much, so whenever he came over Ruby would either disappear or stare at him until he left the room. It was creepy. 

Castiel hopes he doesn’t have to walk into Meg’s apartment but his hopes are dashed. Meg invites him up so up he goes. The building is much smaller than the one Gabriel lives in. The apartments are quaint and small with just enough room for the two people living there. 

Castiel walks into Meg’s apartment and thanks whatever god there may be that Ruby isn’t there. Meg leads him back to her room and instructs him to sit on her desk chair. Once he’s sitting, Meg starts laying into him. 

“Now, you’re not getting back up until you explain what happened between you and Dean last night. I think you’re leaving me out of some juicy details and I’m hurt.”

Castiel sighs. “There’s not that much to tell to be honest.”

“I’m still not filled in. Tell me: why did you kiss Dean last night? He kissed you back and seemed very okay with it.” Meg crosses her arms as she sits down on the edge of her bed. 

Castiel rests his elbows on his thighs, leaning forward in the chair. “There’s something going on between Dean and me. We both know it and we’ve talked about it already.”

“And you didn’t tell me?”

“Sorry?”

Meg sighs. “I’m playing with you. Tell me now. I’m here to listen.” Despite her pushy nature, Meg is a good friend. She just cares very deeply about Castiel and wants to know what’s going on. 

“It was a while back, after about a month of living with Dean. I was craving Waffle House and I told him I was going. He said he had never tried it so I took him with me. Well, he took me. He won’t ride in my car. He insists on driving his own.”

“That Prius is awful.”

Castiel shrugs. “My parents bought it for me. I can’t complain. I’ve been driving it since I was sixteen. Anyway, we had a really good time. We talked about ourselves and Dean started flirting with me. I tried to flirt back, but we both know how bad I am at that. When we walked outside, he kissed me. It was good. We went back home, and after a few days of not talking about it, we did. We both agreed that we’re not ready for a relationship so we’re staying friends.”

“So you both want it but you’re just going to ignore it?”

“We’re not ready and we don’t want to ruin our friendship with a relationship neither of us are prepared for.”

Meg tilts her head. “What makes you not ready for a relationship?”

Castiel shrugs. “Not a lot. Mostly the fact that I’ve never been in one. I suppose it’s Dean who’s not ready. He shared why in confidence with me so I’m going to have to leave those details out.”

“That’s alright.” Meg uncrosses her arms and sighs. “You both stare at each other with ‘fuck me’ eyes all the time so I can imagine that it’s hard to pause that and wait.”

Castiel nods a bit. “A little, but I’d rather wait and have a great relationship with him than start too soon and we fall apart.”

“I can’t help but disagree. Have you talked to him about last night?”

“We talked some. He was really calm about it. He was actually really sweet last night. I woke up and he had tucked me into bed, taken my shoes off, and closed my curtains. He woke me up at eleven thirty and made breakfast for me.” Castiel stares at the floor while he talks, his lips crooking up into a smile. 

“Oh my god you really are falling for him, fast and hard. That’s terrifying and awesome.”

Castiel nods. “That’s a good way to describe it. It’s great but I’m scared that it won’t work.”

“Don’t let your fear of failure keep you from the things you want to do.”

Castiel stares at his own hands in his lap, pondering their conversation. “So what do I do? He’s not ready and I shouldn’t force him.”

“I’m not saying you should force him.” Meg smiles warmly. It’s a smile that Castiel rarely sees from her and it usually means that she’s being incredibly sincere. “I’m just saying that you need to talk more about your feelings for him. If he’s truly not ready, then that’s the end of the conversation. You can try again later. But, maybe he is ready and he’s just scared. You have to be the strong one and talk to him about it.”

Castiel meets Meg’s eyes, a small smile coming to his face. “You know I’m not good at these things, Meg.”

“Then go be bad at it. Trust me, it’s cute. Go be awkward and just be honest about how you feel. That’s all you need.”

Castiel nods, hyping himself up a little. “Okay. I’ll talk to him.”

Meg’s lips curl up into a cheshire grin. “Atta boy, Clarence.” She slaps her hands against her thighs and stands up. “Now let’s go get my car.”

Castiel stands up and gently pushes the desk chair back into its place. “Right, that is what I came here for, isn’t it?”

Meg shrugs. “I mostly just wanted to talk to you. Ruby could have taken me. She should be getting home any second now.” As if on cue, Castiel hears the door to the apartment open. Meg opens her bedroom door and walks out. 

Castiel follows closely behind Meg and spots Ruby. They make eye contact and it makes Castiel freeze for a few seconds. Ruby has long brunette hair that has a mild wave to it. Her eyes are dark and piercing. Her gaze cuts straight into Castiel’s soul. She stares him down until he finally breaks the eye contact and practically runs out of the apartment after Meg. 

“I still don’t get why you’re scared of her.” Meg chuckles.

Castiel huffs. “Same reasons that I used to be scared of you. She’s very intimidating and she doesn’t like me.”

“She doesn’t like you because you got really stoned and broke the expensive lamp she bought.”

“That was an accident! And I apologized.” Castiel unlocks his car and gets into the driver’s seat. 

Meg slides into the passenger seat beside him. “She holds a mean grudge. Oh, and she thinks it’s funny when she scares you. She probably started laughing as soon as the door closed.”

“Really? So it’s not all hate?”

“Not at all. She may not like you very much but she doesn’t hate you.” 

Castiel sighs. “I should learn to read people better.” He turns on his music and drives back to Gabriel’s apartment complex. He parks beside Meg’s car and turns to her. “Thanks for the advice. I’m going straight home to talk to Dean.”

Meg pats Castiel on the shoulder. “You’ve got this. I believe in you. Good luck.” She steps out of the car, leaving Castiel alone with his music. 

Castiel starts to drive home, then the anxiety hits. He feels a pit growing in his stomach and his heart starts beating faster. His head feels heavy and his hands tingle slightly. He pulls into a gas station parking lot and takes a big deep breath. It isn’t often that his anxiety flares up like this but it always happens at the worst times. 

He lets his head fall back and stares up at the ceiling of his car. He goes over what he wants to say in his head over and over. This can’t be that bad. Even if he gets turned down, it won’t mean that he will never be with Dean. There’s no way he could screw it up so bad that Dean will never want to be with him, right?

After a few minutes of deep breaths and rehearsing in his head, Castiel feels ready. He’s still anxious but his heart isn’t pounding as hard and he feels okay. He drives out of the parking lot and back to the house, staring up at it like a kid staring up at the dentist’s office in terror. 

He can do this. It’s just Dean. He isn’t going to bite or anything. Castiel steps out of his car and walks up to the front door. He walks inside and his eyes move immediately to Dean’s bedroom door. His car is in the driveway and he isn’t in the living room, so that leaves the bedroom as his location. 

Castiel starts to walk to the bedroom door but he stops. He doesn’t want to bother Dean if he’s doing something by himself. He could be napping for all Castiel knows. He sighs and sits down on the couch, resigning himself to waiting for Dean to emerge from his bedroom. 

A few minutes pass while Castiel plays on his phone. He periodically looks over his shoulder at the door, silently waiting for Dean. Castiel checks the time. It’s two pm, so maybe Dean will come out for a snack. 

Sure enough, that’s exactly what happens. Dean walks out of his room and makes a beeline for the kitchen, waving at Castiel as he passes. “Hey.”

Castiel stands up, taking another deep breath through his nose. “Hi. Can we talk?”

Dean stuffs a handful of cheese crackers into his mouth. “Mmhm.”

Castiel wants to be serious but he can’t help but smile a little bit at Dean. He’s adorable when he’s clueless. Castiel puts his hands in his pockets and his eyes avert from Dean. “About us.”

Dean stops chewing for a few seconds, then resumes, then swallows. “I thought we already did this morning.”

“I guess we did. But, I didn’t get to say all that I wanted to say and I’ve been thinking about our situation.”

Dean sets down the box of crackers. “Is something not working? Am I doing something?”

Castiel shakes his head. “No, it’s nothing you’re doing. It’s just...I don’t really agree with our agreement anymore.” He imagines punching himself for that fantastic wording. Who knew an English major could be so bad with words?

Dean frowns. “So, you’re not interested in a relationship anymore?” He wears his heart on his sleeve, despite the tough exterior, so Castiel knows he’s upset. His voice is a little smaller, his shoulders are slumped, and he’s drawn back slightly.

“No! I mean, yes, I’m still interested in a relationship. I just don’t think we should wait.”

“Cas, we already talked about this. I’m going to screw it up if we start now.”

Castiel takes another deep breath. He rehearsed this one in the car. “What is going to be different about you in a few months from you right now? I don’t think that much is going to change. You’re letting fear of failure rule over you. If you’re truly not emotionally ready, I understand that. But, I don’t think that’s the case. I think you’re just scared, and that’s okay, because I’m scared too. I’ve never done this before, but I really like you. I’ve never felt this with anyone and it grows everyday. Everyday it gets harder to just be your friend. So why are we waiting?”

Dean stares at Castiel, lips parted slightly and eyes wide. He’s quiet for a few seconds, comprehending what he’s just heard. Finally, he speaks. “I...I don’t know. I just have this strong feeling that something is going to go wrong. I’ve screwed up before, and the last thing I want is to do that with you.” He walks out from behind the island and leans against the other side of it, hugging his arms around his chest. 

Castiel shrugs. “Well, I can’t get pregnant so…” He immediately regrets saying that and his eyes go wide.

Dean goes from solemn and serious to bent over laughing in a matter of seconds. He places his hands on his knees and laughs for a few more seconds before standing back up. “This is why I like you, Cas. You’re funny, you’re smart, you’re hot as hell, and your presence just makes me happy.”

Castiel’s face flushes bright red and he looks down, smiling to himself. “So why wait? If you want this, then let’s try it. We start slow and build up as we go. We’re clearly meant to be more than friends, but we don’t have to jump from friends to a serious committed relationship. That’s not how these things work as far as I know.”

Dean drums his fingers on the counter and sighs. “You’re right. You’re one hundred percent right.” He sighs and drags a hand over his face. “I just can’t shake the fear.”

“Then let me help you.” Castiel gets a little more brave and walks all the way up to Dean, taking his hand and squeezing it. 

Dean takes his hand off of his face and looks down at the one that Castiel is holding. He squeezes Castiel’s hand back. “You’d be okay if we went really slow?”

“I’d honestly prefer that. Like I said, I’ve never done this before.”

Dean nods, chewing the inside of his cheek. “There’s one other thing. I don’t want to tell our friends yet.”

Castiel tilts his head. “Are you not out to them? If so, that’s completely okay with me.”

“No, I’m out to everyone in our group. I just don’t want the embarrassment in case we end up needing to stop or if this doesn’t work. Once we get more serious, we can tell them. But right at the start? I’d rather keep that to ourselves. Is that okay?”

Castiel thought for a moment. He had to really think if he’d be okay keeping their relationship a secret for some time. He’d do it in a heartbeat if Dean was in the closet, so this didn’t have to be any different. He could do it now just to keep Dean comfortable. He nods. “That’s okay with me. Just as long as we do eventually tell them. I can’t keep the secret forever.”

“You won’t have to. It’s just until we know this is working.” Dean brings a hand up and pushes a stray hair off of Castiel’s forehead. “Thank you.”

Castiel’s head tilts. “For what?”

“For talking about this with me. You’re right, I shouldn’t live in fear of this going wrong. I have to push through it because I want you. You don’t deserve to be left waiting around for me.”

“I’d wait forever for you.” 

Dean lets out a breathy laugh and kisses Castiel’s forehead. “You’re too good for me.”

Castiel blushes and smiles up at Dean. “You missed.”

“What?”

Castiel puts a finger on his own lips. “You missed.”

Dean chuckles and cups Castiel’s face, leaning in to kiss him. Castiel’s arms wrap around Dean’s neck and pull him closer. They stay there for a few more seconds, exchanging several sweet kisses. 

Castiel pulls back and smiles. “So it’s official, we’re giving this a try?”

Dean nods. “Yeah, let’s do it.” He kisses Castiel’s nose, holding him close, as if he never wants to let go. It makes Castiel feel safe and gives him hope that this will work out.


	7. Chapter 7

After their conversation, Castiel and Dean spend their afternoon cuddled up on the couch together. Castiel sits with his arm around Dean while he leans on his shoulder. They pick out several movies to watch and share a pizza at dinner time. 

Now, Castiel is alone in his room, laying on his bed and staring up at the ceiling. He’s thinking about everything that happened today and wondering how he’s going to keep the secret. 

Just as he’s thinking about not telling anyone, Meg calls him. He sighs and answers. “Hello?”

“I’m outside your house.”

“What? Why?” Castiel sits up and starts getting off of his bed. 

“You never called me after you supposedly talked to Dean and it worried me. Is your back door unlocked? I guess I’m about to find out.”

Castiel walks out of his bedroom in time to hear the back door jiggling. 

“I guess it is locked.”

Castiel approaches the sliding glass door and opens it as he hangs up the phone. “You didn’t have to come.”

“Of course I did. You’re my friend and I was worried. Let’s go.” She walks into the house and back towards Castiel’s bedroom. 

Dean’s bedroom door opens and he pokes his head out. He makes eye contact with Castiel and then sees Meg. He looks back at Castiel, his eyes slightly fearful. Castiel knows what Dean is afraid of, so he mouths “I won’t tell her”. Dean nods and ducks back into his room. 

“Come on, Clarence,” Meg calls out from Castiel’s room. 

Castiel joins Meg in his room and closes the door. “I’m here.”

“Spill. Did you actually talk to him?”

Castiel nods. He wants to avoid speaking as much as possible since he’s a horrendous liar. 

Meg raises her brows in question. “And...?”

Castiel sighs and breaks eye contact with Meg, staring at the wall behind her. “He’s not ready. We’re going to keep waiting.”

Meg stares at Castiel, her eyes narrowing. “Look me in the eyes.”

Castiel swallows and meets Meg’s gaze. “Why?”

“Because I think you’re lying.”

Castiel breaks the eye contact again and shoves his hands into his pockets. “No I’m not.”

“You can’t even look me in the eyes while you say that. If you can look at my eyes and tell me that you’re not lying, I’ll believe you.”

Castiel huffs. There were times when Meg’s pushy nature was too much. There were times when he wished she knew how to back off. He forced himself to make eye contact with her. “I’m not lying. He’s not ready.” He holds eye contact afterwards, willing his face to stay sincere. 

Meg stares at Castiel and nods. “Okay. So I guess we wait.”

Castiel nods. “Yeah, I guess we do.” He feels a small pit in his stomach from lying to Meg. There was no situation here where things would be perfect. He could have told Meg the truth, but that would be going back on his promise to Dean. Castiel had to decide that protecting his relationship with Dean was the best option, even if it meant telling a lie to his best friend.

Meg sighs. “I’m sorry it didn’t turn out how you wished it would. Still, there’s hope, right?”

“There is. We’re just waiting for him to be emotionally ready.” Part of that didn’t feel like a lie. They were waiting to tell people because Dean wasn’t ready. Castiel was looking for any way to rationalize the lying at this point. 

Meg gives a crooked smile. “Keep your chin up. It’ll turn out.” She sighs. “Well, now that I know you’re okay, I’ll leave you alone. Text me if you need anything.”

“I will. Thanks for checking up on me.” Castiel leads Meg out of his room and to the front door. 

Meg hugs Castiel. “Take care.” She waves as she walks to her car. 

Castiel closes the door and lets out a heavy sigh. He hears movement and turns around to see Dean poking his head out of the door, a concerned look on his face. 

“Did she ask about us?” Dean’s voice is tight, like he’s scared of his own words.

Castiel nods. “She did. I lied and told her that we weren’t together yet. I’m a horrible liar but I think she believed me.”

Dean’s shoulders relax visibly and his face softens. “Thank you. I’m sorry you had to do that.”

“It’s okay. I’ll do whatever I need to do to make this work.”

Dean grins and leans against his doorframe. “You’re cute, you know that, right?”

Castiel rolls his eyes. “Hush. I am not.”

Dean’s smirk grows. “Of course you are.”

Castiel crosses his arms. “What about you?”

“I know I’m adorable.”

Castiel laughs and shakes his head. “Yes, you are.” He smiles to himself. He could get used to this. “I’m going to head back to bed. Goodnight.”

“Night, Cas.”

Castiel walks back to his room and puts himself to bed with a smile on his face, hopeful about everything to come. 

~~~

The dynamic between Dean and Castiel surprisingly doesn’t change much. They still make fun of each other, but now it’s even more flirty. With classes, they only see each other in the library and in the evenings. They stare at each other more while in the library. Dean occasionally pokes Castiel in the leg with his foot to start a small kicking war. 

At home, they’re more touchy. Dean slides his hand across Castiel’s lower back while passing him in the kitchen. Castiel rests his chin on Dean’s shoulder to watch him cook. 

What’s most surprising to Castiel is how easy all of this is. He always thought that it would be hard to be intimate with someone, but with Dean, it’s easy. He’s easy to talk to and Castiel knows the kind of intimate touches he likes. The day after they decided to try this, Castiel discovered that Dean would just melt when kissed on the neck. It was really cute to watch his face relax and his body scrunch up a little. 

Castiel is making fried rice for dinner. He scoops a serving onto his plate and walks to the table to eat. “There’s extra egg in it for more protein.”

Dean scoops up his serving and sits down across from Castiel at the table. “You know I like eggs.” He starts eating. “You know, it’s been a whole week since we started dating and we haven’t actually gone on a date.”

Castiel raises a brow. “Doesn’t that pose a risk of someone finding out?”

Dean shrugs, swallowing his mouthful of food. “We’re good friends. If someone spots us at a restaurant, we can just say that I’ve never been to that one and you took me.”

Castiel nods, smiling at the idea. “Well, if you’re comfortable with it, I’m very much okay with that.”

“Since we live together, that makes this a little different. We see each other every day, all the time. If you ever need space, tell me and I’ll stick to my room more.” Dean hums. “This is really good, by the way. Thanks for dinner.”

Castiel watches Dean like he’s the most amazing thing in the world. It was hard to believe how fast he was falling for his roommate. “No problem. I’m glad you like it. Also, I can’t really imagine not wanting to spend time with you, but I’ll let you know.”

Dean chuckles. “We’re in the honeymoon phase right now. Everything is new and exciting. Once that feeling passes, you might need some more time for yourself. That’s totally okay too. A lot of couples don’t make it through the more serious phase after the honeymoon phase because things aren’t as exciting. It’s up to us to keep it fun.” Dean smiles. “I think we will. We became good friends before this, so we know each other well. It’ll be once we make it through that dip that things get serious. Then, we can tell everyone.”

Castiel listens closely to every word and nods along. Given that he has no experience with relationships, it feels important that he listens to someone with way more experience. “I think we can do it too. We seem to be a good match so far.”

Dean finishes off his fried rice in record time. “I knew we would be.” 

Castiel takes his last few bites of food and stands up to wash his bowl. He joins Dean at the sink and rinses his bowl out. Dean bumps his hip against Castiel’s, knocking him to the side a bit. Castiel raises a brow and bumps him right back. 

“Careful, you might start something here.” Dean hums, finishing off the dishes.

Castiel grins. “Oh yeah?” He nudges Dean with his elbow. “Bring it on.”

Dean stares at Castiel for a few seconds without moving. He looks like a predator assessing its prey. Suddenly, he makes a move. He ducks down and grabs Castiel around the middle, throwing him over his shoulder. 

Castiel gasps and grabs Dean’s shoulder for purchase, eyes as wide as can be. “Put me down!”

Dean parades around the living room, bouncing Castiel on his shoulder. “Nope! I gotcha now!” He keeps one arm wrapped around Castiel’s middle and uses the other to hold Castiel’s legs to his chest. He swings him back and forth, cackling and grinning from ear-to-ear.

Castiel hangs on for dear life. “Dean, I might puke if you keep doing that!”

Dean finally puts Castiel down on the couch, crawling on top of him. “Fine, fine. No more fun.”

Castiel rolls his eyes and kisses Dean on the cheek. “I never said that.”

Dean presses a few kisses to Castiel’s jaw, hovering over him a little heavier now. The air has changed and now things felt a little hotter. Dean’s breath wisps over Castiel’s neck and cheek like a gentle breeze. 

Castiel’s eyebrows go up and he sits up a little. “Wait, I know where this is going.”

Dean immediately sits up to get off of Castiel. “I’m sorry, I’m going fast, aren’t I?”

Castiel looks away. “A little, yeah.”

“We don’t have to do anything until you’re ready. You were willing to wait on me, I’ll wait for you.” Dean offers a small smile. 

Castiel can’t help but smile back a little. Dean was just too precious. “Thank you. I just don’t think I’m ready for that yet. We’ve only been together for a week and I’d rather wait until we’re more serious, since it will be my first time.”

“Really?” Dean tilts his head. “Not that that’s a bad thing. I just assumed you had at least hooked up with someone before. You told me that you had kissed people before and only told me one story about how you kissed a girl and ran away.”

Castiel chuckles. “No, that and the times I’ve kissed you are the only kisses I’ve had. I’ve never slept with anyone before. I’ve never had the interest.”

Dean nods. “Well, we’ll just have to be sure that your first time is good when the time comes. Until then, come here.” He holds his arms out like a child asking for a hug. 

Castiel smiles and pulls Dean into his arms. Despite the experience and slight height differences, Castiel is the big spoon. They never talked about it, it just happened. Dean just loves to be held and Castiel loves to do the holding. They traded places for a night a day or two ago and it was okay. They liked it, but the usual setup is better. 

They spend the evening glued to each other in front of the TV. They discuss what they want to do for their date and plan it for the upcoming weekend. 

That night, Castiel starts to fall asleep on the couch with Dean in his arms. He looks down to see that Dean is already fast asleep. He debates getting up and inevitably decides that he’s comfortable enough to sleep there. He lets his head rest against the back of the couch and drifts off into a peaceful sleep. 

In the wee hours of morning, Castiel feels movement. He expects to see Dean getting up but instead he sees him writhing in his arms. Castiel sits up and frowns. “Dean, wake up. It’s just a dream.” He gently shakes him and that’s when all hell breaks loose. 

Dean flies up to a sitting position that throws him off the couch. He turns around, grabbing the couch for purchase and his head swings around. His face is twisted in anger, his chest heaving up and down with his heavy breathing.

“Dean, it’s just me. Nothing’s happening.” Castiel keeps his voice low and calm, watching Dean carefully. 

Dean finally looks at Castiel and his gaze goes from angry to concerned. “Cas?”

“Yeah, it’s me. Are you okay?”

“No, no. Are you okay? I didn’t do anything to you, did I?”

Castiel tilts his head in confusion. “No, you didn’t. I don’t think I’m the one we should be worrying about here. You just had a nightmare.”

Dean stands up and brushes himself off, his body finally relaxing. “It’s nothing.”

Castiel stares up at Dean like he’s crazy. “No it wasn’t. Dean, you don’t have to tell me what it was about or anything, just let me take care of you. You were scared and you don’t have to be.”

Dean wraps his arms around himself. “Maybe I do have to be scared.”

Castiel frowns. “Was it about us? Or about your ex?”

Dean pauses. He seems to be thinking over his answer carefully, as if he’s trying to decide whether or not to trust Castiel. “Yeah. It was about Lisa.” The answer is unsure, and Castiel isn’t sure if he believes Dean.

Castiel stands up. “Come on, let’s put some actual pajamas on and go to bed. I’ll lay with you until you fall back asleep. You can even sleep in my room if you want.”

Dean nods. “I’ll come to your room. I’ll meet you there.”

Castiel smiles softly and nods. He walks back to his bedroom and leaves the door open while he changes quickly into a soft t-shirt and pajama pants. He fluffs up his second pillow and waits for Dean. 

Dean walks in a minute later wearing an old t-shirt and boxers. He looks a little embarrassed. “I’m sorry about all of this. I didn’t think you’d have to see it so soon.”

Castiel shakes his head and climbs into bed. “You have no reason to apologize. Everyone’s scared of something or has something to have a nightmare about.”

Dean sits down on the bed and scoots back to where he wants to lie down. “What about you? What do you have nightmares about?”

Castiel lays down and hums. “The ocean. I can’t swim and the ocean is the scariest thing on the planet.”

Dean lays down facing away from Castiel. His body relaxes a little more when Castiel spoons him from behind. “Really? You can’t swim at all?”

“No. I wouldn’t get in the pool as a kid and I still won’t. My worst fear is drowning. I have this nightmare where my body is being forced to walk and I can’t stop. I walk out into this lake and the water slowly goes over my head and then I drown.”

“Jesus, Cas. That’s like a phobia.”

“I wouldn’t go that far but yes, I’m very scared of the water.” Castiel kisses the back of Dean’s neck. “I think I know what you’re scared of.”

“Hm, what do you think that is?”

“Failure. I’ve watched you agonize over your schoolwork. You throw your heart and soul into it and then more. You avoided a relationship because you were afraid of it failing. I think it’s a reasonable fear to have. Failure is scary. But, I think you can push past it. You did with me. If you can push past your fear there, you can do it in other places. It’s okay to fail at things, it’s how we learn.”

Dean is quiet for a moment. “Maybe you're right. If you are, I didn’t even know that about myself. I guess it makes a lot of sense.”

Castiel hugs Dean a little tighter. “Well, you’re getting over that fear, at least a little. If you weren’t, we wouldn’t be here like this right now.”

“Yeah, that’s right.” Dean finds Castiel’s hand and squeezes it. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Any time.” Castiel closes his eyes and rests his head on his pillow. “Goodnight, Dean.”

“Night, Cas.”

Silence falls over the room. The night feels peaceful and cool. The warm blankets of Castiel’s bed cocoon their bodies, which are pressed together so close that they keep each other warm. Both of them succumb to peaceful sleep, curled up together like two peas in a pod.


	8. Chapter 8

It’s Friday, and today is the day of Castiel and Dean’s date. They planned for a six-thirty dinner at a local restaurant that Dean hadn’t been to yet. Castiel spends the entire day buzzing with excitement. Every time they see each other, all they can do is smile. Dean has to leave the library early today to go to his professor’s office hours, so that leaves Castiel alone at their usual table. 

Castiel reads over his paper for the third time, trying to figure out what exactly he doesn’t like about it. He stops when a figure sits down in front of him. He peeks over the edge of his laptop and smiles a bit when he spots Gabriel. “Hello.”

“Hey, Cas. How’s it going?”

“It’s going. I’m enjoying the calm before the storm of finals in a few weeks.” 

Gabriel nods and chuckles. “Me too, kid.” He hums. “How are you and Dean?”

The way the question is phrased makes Castiel freeze and his eyes widen a little. He reminds himself that Gabriel doesn’t know anything about the secret relationship and speaks. “Good. He’s doing good and so am I.”

Gabriel grins and nods. “Good to hear.” He pulls out a laptop. “You got any plans tonight?”

“I do, actually. Dean’s never been to The Place so we’re going tonight.”

“Ooh, nice choice. Let me know how that goes. I need to go back there.” He pulls a bag of chips out of his backpack and starts snacking. He pauses and holds the bag out to Castiel. “Want one?”

Castiel shakes his head. “I’m good. I’m about to go to class, actually.”

“Ah, well, have fun. Is it one of the classes you like?”

Castiel nods and starts gathering his things. “Yeah, British Literature. I like this class a lot. It’s my last one of the day and then I can go home.” He swings his bag over his shoulder. “Good luck with your studying. See you later.”

“See ya, Cas.”

Castiel leaves the library and rides his bike to his class. The class is a discussion about the books they have read thus far and how they connected. Castiel isn’t the best at discussions but since he’s passionate about the subject, it comes more easily to him. 

He rides his bike back to the house after class and decides to shower before Dean gets back. It seems appropriate for a date. He showers and puts on casual clothes, since their date is somewhat incognito. Once he’s ready, he sits himself on the couch to watch TV until Dean arrives. 

At five-ten, five minutes earlier than Dean usually got back, Dean comes busting through the door, eyes wide. 

“Dean? What happened?” Castiel stands up.

Dean drops his bag by the door. “Cas, I’m so sorry. We have to postpone our date.”

“What? Why?”

“It’s my little brother. He flew down here to surprise me. I had no idea he was coming. Apparently he saved up money at his job at the local burger joint to buy a plane ticket.” Dean cups Castiel’s face and kisses him quickly. “And he can’t know about us. Not yet. It’s too soon.”

Castiel nods and takes Dean’s hand. “That’s okay. We can just act like we did before we were together and it’ll be fine. Do you need to pick him up at the airport?”

“Yeah, he just landed. I’m sorry about this, Cas. I’m glad he’s here because it’s been a while but I wish I knew before we planned our date.” Dean sighs and shakes his head. 

“Don’t worry about it. We can plan our date for another night. I would get on the road now. You’re going to hit some really nasty traffic in Atlanta.”

“Great, city driving. My favorite.” Dean’s voice is dripping with sarcasm as he grabs his keys. “I’ll see you later tonight.” He kisses Castiel one more time. 

Castiel kisses Dean back and smiles at him. “See you tonight.” He can admit that he feels a little disappointed about their date, but he knows that family comes first and he’s glad that Dean is getting to see his brother.

He sits on the couch and just before he turns the TV on, he hears Dean’s car starting, and then stopping. Something makes a clicking noise and the engine doesn’t start. Castiel gets up and steps outside to see what’s happening. He sees Dean hit his steering wheel and turn the key again. The engine clicks a few times and Dean sighs, getting out of the car. 

“I’m getting him an Uber. Starter’s busted.” Dean pulls out his phone. 

Castiel frowns. “Wait, I’ll drive you to the airport.”

“You know I won’t get in that Prius.”

“Dean, an Uber from the Atlanta airport to Athens through rush hour traffic is going to cost you nearly a hundred dollars. I can drive you for free. He’ll have to wait at the airport longer, but it’ll save you money.”

Dean stares at Castiel for a moment before groaning. “He’s never going to let me live this down when I come rolling up in a Prius.” He sighs before smiling a bit. “Okay, thank you.”

Castiel reaches inside and grabs his keys off the hook before hopping into the driver’s seat of his car.

Dean slowly gets in the passenger side door. “I’m sorry I hate your car. You gotta understand what it’s like to go from Baby to this.”

Castiel chuckles. “It’s okay, everyone makes fun of me for it. I can’t complain because I’m not the one paying for it.” He starts up the car and pulls out of the driveway. “This might be easier. The airport can be really confusing if you don’t know where you’re going. Also I grew up in Atlanta and learned to drive in the heavy traffic. I’m probably better suited to drive in it.”

Dean nods and buckles himself in. “You’re probably right.”

Castiel drives quietly for a minute, then has a thought. “I know it’s not dinner, but we could call this a date. We’re about to be stuck together in the car for at least two hours. Then we’ll have your brother. We can talk like we’re on a date until he gets in.”

Dean chuckles. “Look at you, looking at things on the bright side. That’s sweet of you.”

“How old is your brother again?”

“Seventeen. He’ll be eighteen in May. He’s a junior in high school.”

Castiel nods. “And his name is...Sean?”

Dean chuckles. “Close. It’s Sammy.”

“Does he go by Sammy or do you just call him that?”

“I just call him that. He’d probably get mad if you call him that, so stick with Sam.” Dean looks around the interior of the car.

Castiel nods and continues driving. “Were you two close growing up?”

Dean nods. “Yeah, really close. Dad worked a lot, so it was just the two of us most of the time. Hell, I practically raised the kid until I went off to college. Half of the reason I went to college was so I could get a good job and provide more for him. He wants to go to Stanford of all places. He’s probably going to get heaps of scholarships, but he’ll still have loans. I want to help him pay for them.”

Castiel smiles a little. He always admired Dean for his selflessness. “What about your own loans?”

“Mine aren’t that bad. I have a few scholarships that are helping a lot. I paid almost nothing at KU. It’s here that I’m paying more, but that’s alright. It’s manageable. My tutoring job helps a lot. It means I actually have grocery money and I can live in this place. It doesn’t cover everything, but it helps.”

Castiel turns onto the highway and settles in for the drive, enjoying the road before it gets trafficky. “I’m going to have a lot of loans. My parents are paying for my bachelor’s, but I’m planning on going to grad school and getting my PhD. It’s going to be very expensive. I don’t mind, though. I like school and I want to earn the highest degree possible.”

Dean smiles at Castiel. “It’s cool to see how passionate you are about school. You work hard.”

“I do my best.”

From there, a conversation around classes and coursework starts. Each of them go on about their classes and the current work they have. Castiel rants about his paper that he can’t seem to get right and Dean talks about his latest computer science project. 

The traffic starts to slow down, and then as they start to see the skyline of Atlanta, they come to a complete stop. They get onto a new highway where the traffic is standstill. 

Dean looks around. “Damn. It really is rush hour. Is this the highway that goes straight through the city?”

“No, this is 285. It goes in a circle around Atlanta. It’s supposed to be a bypass to redirect traffic. It’s by far the most dangerous highway here. There’s constant news stories about accidents here. We might pass one on the way to the airport.”

Dean nods. “Are we going to go by where you’re from? You said you lived in Atlanta.”

Castiel shakes his head with a soft smile. “No, we’re pretty far from Dunwoody, which is just north of Atlanta. We’re going around the south side.”

Dean looks out the window at the skyline, resting his chin on his hand. “Sometimes it’s weird to think about how different our lives were growing up. I moved around constantly and lived everywhere. It was never big cities, sometimes we stayed in the suburbs around the city, but never directly in it.”

Castiel nods. “You dad had a traveling job, right?”

“Yeah, still does as far as I know.”

Castiel had picked up on how Dean didn’t like to talk about his dad much. He got tense every time the topic came up, so Castiel always tried to veer off of it. “So, what’s Sam like?”

Dean chuckles. “He’s a little dork. Actually, I shouldn’t say little. The kid is six two and still growing. He passed me over the summer.”

Castiel’s eyes widen a bit. “Wow, he is tall.”

“Yeah, and he’s a green bean. I think he’ll fill out eventually but right now the poor kid is all arms and legs. He’s wicked smart. He’s never made a B in his life. He wants to go to law school one day.”

Castiel nods with a smile. “He could do that with an English degree. There’s several different majors he can choose from and all of them will get him into law school.”

Dean hums, lips curled into a proud smile. “He’s done a lot of research and I’m sure he’ll tell you all about it if you ask.”

Castiel’s stomach growls and he looks at the time. “We should pick up food on the way back. Has Sam eaten?”

“Probably not. I’ll ask him.” He pulls out his phone and starts typing. A minute passes before his phone buzzes and he speaks. “He hasn’t eaten yet and he says he’s starving.”

“We’re nearly there.” Castiel finally pulls off on the exit for the airport and confirms which terminal Sam is at before driving around to the pickup area. Dean’s phone starts buzzing and he puts it on speaker. 

“Hey, we’re here.”

“We? Did you bring someone?” 

Dean glances at Castiel, who has a concerned look on his face now. “Uh, yeah. My roommate drove me.”

“Which car are you in?”

Dean sighs. “The blue Prius. I see you.” He points to Sam and Castiel drives up in front of him. 

There’s laughter on the phone. “I can’t believe you got in a Prius. I’m telling Bobby.” Sam picks up a duffle bag and gets into the backseat of the car, hanging up his phone. 

Dean turns around in his seat. “Don’t you dare tell Bobby, bitch.” He huffs.

Sam crosses his arm. “Fine, jerk.” He meets Castiel’s eyes in the rearview mirror. “Uh, hi. I’m Sam.”

“Hello, Sam. I’m Castiel.”

Sam nods, mouthing out Castiel’s name a few times. “Are we getting food?”

“Yeah, we are,” Dean says with a relieved tone. “How far is the food, Cas?”

Castiel starts driving out of the airport. “Um, we shouldn’t stop right around the airport. The traffic should have calmed down some so let’s get to the other highway before we stop. It shouldn’t be longer than half an hour.”

Sam nods and buckles himself in. “Okay. Thanks.”

Dean turns back around and settles in his seat. “So, how’s school going?”

“It’s good. We had today off so that’s why I picked this weekend, so I wouldn’t miss any school. AP Statistics is kicking my ass.”

Castiel makes a face. “That was the worst class I ever took in high school.”

Sam looks at Castiel. “Do you not like math?”

“God, no. I’m an English major.”

Sam chuckles. “You two must have opposite classes then.”

“Yeah, kind of,” Dean says with a smile. 

Dean gets Sam started on a conversation about school and the car is filled with a buzz of conversation between Sam and Dean. Castiel focuses on the road and smiles as he listens to the brothers. 

They stop for fast food burgers and eat on the road. Sam rants about his classes and his GPA for a while, then starts to get tired from traveling. By the time they arrive at the house, Sam is nearly asleep. 

Dean sets up the couch for Sam to sleep on, adding pillows and blankets to make it comfortable. Sam’s legs stick off the end when he lays down, but he doesn’t seem to mind. 

Castiel waves to Dean as he retreats to his room to sleep. Part of him still wishes that they could have gone on their date today, but he knows that there would be more time for that later. In the meantime, he sleeps.


	9. Chapter 9

Castiel wakes up earlier than he expects the next morning. He looks at his clock and it reads 7:47. He rubs his eyes and sits up, sliding out of bed to go to the bathroom. He moves as quietly as possible to avoid waking up Sam. When he finishes his business, he starts to make his way back to his room. 

“Hey.”

Castiel looks out into the living room and sees Sam sitting up. “Oh. Hi.”

Sam pushes his blanket off of himself and folds it over the back of the couch. “Do you know where Dean’s food is?”

Castiel nods and walks into the kitchen, opening up Dean’s cabinets. “This is all his. Mine is on the other side. The eggs and milk are communal, so have all of those you want.”

“Thanks.” Sam watches Castiel closely. “I have a question.”

Castiel’s brain is still a little muddled from just waking up. “I have an answer.”

“Actually, I have a few questions. First of all, where are you from?”

Castiel walks into the living room and sits down on the chair beside the couch. “Just north of Atlanta.”

“Huh. I didn’t think you’d be from around here.” He pauses. “This might be a little invasive, but is your family super religious? I’m like ninety percent sure Castiel is an angel name.”

Castiel nods. “It is. My parents are pretty religious.”

“Are they accepting?”

Castiel tilts his head. “Of what?”

“Your sexuality.”

Castiel’s furrows his brows. “How did you-Am I that obvious?”

Sam points at Castiel’s bedroom. “You have a rainbow flag in your room.”

“Oh, right. To answer your question, yes.” Castiel has to admire Sam’s curiosity. He asks a lot of questions and he’s extremely observant. 

“So, do you like my brother?”

Castiel immediately dodges the question. “Of course I like your brother. He’s my roommate and I haven’t asked to move out yet.”

Sam pulls a major bitchface. “You know what I meant.”

“You ask that to every gay man you meet? I’m gay so I must like Dean?” Castiel knows he’s being snarky, but it’s the only way he knows how to lie his way around the question. He knows that Sam will see straight through him if he completely lies. 

Sam frowns a bit. “Sorry, I didn’t think of it like that. I wasn’t trying to be rude.”

Castiel offers a small smile back. “It’s okay. I’m not upset.” He stops there and says a silent prayer that Sam doesn’t ask again.

Sam pauses before speaking again. “So you study English? Is it a fun major? I’ve been considering it. Law schools accept a lot of different majors and English is a popular one.”

Castiel lets out a sigh of relief in his imagination and responds, “It’s really fun. I’ve enjoyed it a lot. You can take a wide variety of classes and choose different concentrations. You can focus more on literature or writing. I have a creative writing concentration. I do love my literature classes, but writing is where my heart is.”

“Do you want to be an author?”

“In a perfect world, I’d be an author and I’d live off those earnings. But, writing novels isn’t a steady job for most people. There’s no guaranteed income. If I spend a year on a book and it flops, I’m screwed. Most authors have other jobs. Some work for publishing companies, and some are academics. I’m going into the academic realm. I can see myself as a professor, so that’s my goal right now.”

Sam seems to listen with interest, eyes curious and waiting for more information. “I think I might do a history and English double major. That would cover everything I could possibly need for law school, and it would look good on my transcript.”

“If you think you can do it, go for it. But, remember that it’s easy to drop one of those to a minor if it’s too much for you. Focus on your GPA and manage your workload.” Once Castiel finishes his sentence, Dean’s door opens. 

“I thought I heard voices out here.” Dean looks at Sam and Castiel with a slight smile. “Whatcha talking about?”

Castiel answers, “We’re talking about potential majors for Sam.”

Sam nods and stands up. “I’m about to raid your food.”

Dean pouts a bit. “Don’t scarf down everything. I just went grocery shopping.”

Sam rolls his eyes and grabs a box of cereal out of Dean’s cabinet. “I won’t.” 

Castiel stands up and stretches his arms over his head. He briefly considers going back to sleep, then decides that he should eat with Sam and Dean. He grabs a box of his own cereal and makes himself a bowl. Since there’s only two chairs at the table, he sits on the counter and starts eating. 

Dean takes the box of cereal from Sam once he’s done and makes his own bowl. “So, Sammy-”

“It’s Sam.”

Dean rolls his eyes. “I was thinking I could show you around Athens today. We’ll take the bus, since Baby still needs a new starter. We can get one while we’re out.”

Sam nods and finishes off his first bowl of cereal. He pours a second one. “Okay, that’s fine with me. When should we leave?”

“Let’s get going once we’ve eaten. There’s a lot to see.”

Castiel finishes his breakfast and puts his bowl in the dishwasher. “If you guys need a ride at any point, give me a call.”

Dean nods to Castiel with a grin. “Thanks, man. I think we’ll be alright.”

Castiel waves and walks back into his bedroom to get dressed. He puts on a t-shirt and bike shorts so he can go for a long bike ride before it gets hot. He leaves the house and starts biking to campus. 

An hour later, Castiel stops downtown and locks his bike at a rack. He gets a cup of coffee from one of his favorite shops and spots Charlie working on her computer at the back. He stops to talk to her for a little while, long enough that soon, lunch time rolls around. 

Castiel eats lunch with Charlie at a barbeque restaurant that they both adore. He bikes home afterwards and crashes on his bed for an afternoon nap. 

After a shower, he works on some of his homework. He works until dinner time. Dinner is a sandwich and some crackers, since he doesn’t feel like cooking. He watches Netflix in his room and hears Sam and Dean return after dinner. He decides to give them time to themselves and stays in his room. He kind of needs a day to himself, so this is nice. 

That night, Castiel is just about to fall asleep when someone knocks loudly on his door. He sits up and looks at the door. “Sam? Dean?” No answer. Castiel gets out of bed and opens the door, looking out. “Hello?”

Sam sits up on the couch, looking at Castiel. “What?”

Castiel looks at Sam and sees that Dean’s door is closed. He must have been dreaming when he heard the knock. “Sorry, thought I heard someone.” He closes his door and drags his feet on the way back to bed. 

The next day, Castiel only comes out of his room for food. He feels like being an absolute couch potato. He stays in his bed with his laptop. The first order of business is to finish all of his homework. Once that’s done, he starts binge-watching Netflix. It’s a good day overall.

That night, he hears a knock on his door. “Come in.”

Dean opens the door and waves. “Hey. I’m driving Sam back to the airport. He has a late flight back.”

“What time is his flight?” Castiel looks at the time. It’s 7:50.

“Ten.”

Castiel raises his eyebrows. “That might be cutting it close. I’d step on the gas if I were you.”

Sam pokes his head around the doorframe. “That’s what I said! I told you!”

Dean elbows Sam in the arm. “We’ll be fine.”

Sam rolls his eyes. “It was good to meet you, Cas.”

“It was nice to meet you too, Sam. Come back anytime.” 

Sam waves before dragging Dean out of the doorframe. Dean pulls the door closed as he goes. 

Castiel chuckles to himself and goes back to his true crime show. 

He falls asleep before Dean returns, curled up in bed. Something touches him and he shoots awake, looking around with wide, startled eyes.

“Whoa, hey, it’s me.” Dean’s voice is soft. “Sorry, I was just trying to see if you were awake.”

Castiel lets out a sigh of relief. “It’s okay. Did Sam make his flight?”

“He had to run through the airport after security, but yeah, he made it.”

Castiel nods and smiles, leaning up to kiss Dean. He wraps his arms around his neck and hums. 

Dean cups Castiel’s face with a smile. “I’m gonna be honest, I missed this. It hasn’t even been that long and we’re already inseparable.”

Castiel takes Dean’s hand and kisses his cheek. “I missed it too. A day to be a couch potato was nice, but I missed being around you.” He pauses. “You can stay in here tonight if you want.”

Dean smiles. “Actually, we could sleep in my room if you want. I have a really big quilt I sleep under that I think you’ll like.”

Castiel nods. “Yeah, let’s do that.”

“Okay, I need to get out of these clothes first, so give me a minute.” Dean kisses Castiel’s forehead before leaving the room quickly. 

Castiel picks up his own pillow, which he knows he wants to sleep on. It’s a big, dense pillow that supports his neck and he loves it. He walks out into the hall and waits outside Dean’s room, pillow in hand. 

The door opens a few moments later and Dean invites Castiel in. The room is sparsely decorated with random knick knacks that Castiel has never seen before. The only things on Dean’s walls are some old pictures pinned to a corkboard and a Led Zeppelin poster. On the bed, Castiel sees the quilt Dean was talking about. It’s red with orange and black patterning and it looks heavy and warm. 

“I know it’s not much in here, but I don’t really have an eye for decoration.” Dean climbs into bed and pulls the quilt and sheet back. 

Castiel sets his pillow on the bed and climbs in. “That’s alright. It’s very you.” He slides his legs under the sheet and quilt and he can already feel how comfortable it’s going to be. He lays down and waits for Dean to turn his back to him before spooning him from behind. Castiel slots their bodies together like two perfect puzzle pieces. 

Dean hums and snuggles back against Castiel. “So, was I right about the quilt?”

“Very much so. It’s lovely.” Castiel notices that Dean is going to sleep with a hand under his pillow. Part of him wonders if he keeps something under there, but given that Dean hasn’t said anything about it, he assumes it’s nothing. 

“Night, Cas.”

“Goodnight, Dean.” Castiel closes his eyes and relaxes, letting Dean’s body heat lull him to sleep. 

~~~

The next day, Castiel and Dean plan a new date. They decide that they can do Tuesday night, and they pick a local burger place that they both like. 

Castiel feels himself getting nervous about the date, but then he reminds himself that he and Dean were pretty much together already and the date is just a formality. Still, it’s important to him and he wants it to go well. 

Dean drives them downtown and leads the way into the restaurant. The banter starts immediately, and the evening is similar to the night at Waffle House. They talk about anything and everything, and smiles never leave their faces. It’s a perfect date, one that Castiel knows he’ll commit to memory forever. 

When they get home, Castiel has a bad tinnitus episode. Sometimes he wonders if the tinnitus is correlated with migraines, because times like this, the sound is so piercing that it gives him a massive headache. Dean sits beside him and comforts him until it finally ends. 

They watch a movie on the couch together, curled up side by side. They talk a little about the upcoming Thanksgiving break, then go to bed in their separate rooms. 

Castiel stares at the ceiling that night with a warm feeling in his chest. It spreads through his whole body and comforts him like a hug from his mom. All he can do is smile and close his eyes to let the feeling run through him. Everything feels right.


	10. Chapter 10

Dates become a regular part of Castiel and Dean’s routine. Sometimes they go out to eat, other times they order in food and spend the entire evening doing nothing but spending time in each other’s presence. 

It becomes hard to keep everything a secret. They frequently have friends over and have to act like they’re still just friends around them. Dean is surprisingly good at playing the part. It’s Castiel who is the weak link. He gets nervous around their friends and chokes on his words every now and then. Despite this, he manages to keep his mouth shut and their friends are clueless. 

Thanksgiving break is the first time Dean and Castiel are truly separated. Dean drives all the way to South Dakota to see his brother and family friend, Bobby. Castiel drives back to his parents’ house for the break. All of his extended family is in Illinois, but they don’t travel there for Thanksgiving. It was always a holiday with just Castiel and his parents. 

Over the break, Castiel and Dean text constantly. It’s only going to be a few days, but they still miss one another. They don’t call each other because as Dean said, “The walls are thin at Bobby’s and Sam will eavesdrop because he’s a little shit.” 

The break ends and Castiel and Dean are reunited in Athens. Now it’s crunch time. Finals are in two weeks and both of them need to study. Dates get put on hold and they spend more time in the library to focus on their schoolwork. Castiel has four papers to work on and Dean has exams to study for. One of Castiel’s classes has a long exam, which he’s a little scared of. Exams were never his forte like essays were. 

Finals week arrives and Dean is a mess. Most of Castiel’s finals are papers, so he only has one sit-in exam on Thursday. Dean, however, has an exam in every class. Castiel provides as much moral support as possible, but mostly gives his boyfriend space to study. 

Friday comes and Dean finishes his last exam. They celebrate at Gabriel’s apartment with a small party, similar to the one for Castiel’s birthday. This time, Castiel is the one driving, so he stays sober while Dean drinks. 

Dean walks up to Castiel, who is standing against the wall. “How’re you feeling now that the semester’s over?”

“Hmm, pretty good. I’m anxious about final grades going in next week. Hopefully I do well. You?”

Dean grins. “I’m peachy. Nothing beats the feeling of being done with exams. I feel good about all of them, so I’m excited to see my grades.”

Castiel smiles. “You’re leaving for Sioux Falls on Monday, right?”

Dean nods. “Yup. It’ll be a good trip. I’ll probably take Sammy on a short road trip around the area before Christmas. I’m coming back the day before New Years Eve for Gabriel’s party.”

“Same here.” Castiel sighs. “This will be the longest we’ve been apart since we met one another.”

“I know. But, we’ll make it. We were fine over Thanksgiving.”

“Yeah.” Castiel pauses as Jo approaches them. 

“What are you two talking about?”

Dean grins. “Christmas break. What are you and Ash doing over break?”

“Just hanging around the Roadhouse, I guess. I’m gonna work there over the break and make some pocket money to bring back. I’ll make great tips closer to the holiday and on it.”

Dean nudges Castiel with his elbow. “If you have a free day, you should go to the Roadhouse.”

“I’m not sure I’ll be able to. My parents keep me busy and I’m flying to see my extended family on the twenty first. I will go visit one day, I promise.”

Jo grins. “You better. Mom wants to meet you.”

Castiel and Dean leave at midnight. Dean only had a few drinks and is already sobering up, but they had come in Castiel’s car, and there’s no way he’s getting behind the wheel of that car. 

Over the weekend, both of them are too exhausted from finals week to do much. They spend Saturday and Sunday lounging around and napping. 

Sunday night, both of them pack their things for the upcoming break. Castiel’s heart is a little heavy about leaving Dean behind. As he zips up his suitcase and sets an extra bag beside it, he sighs and sits down on his bed. 

There’s a knock on the door and Dean walks in. “Hey. You finished packing?”

Castiel nods and looks at his suitcase. “Yeah, finally. You?”

“Yup. I pack light.” Dean sits down beside Castiel on the bed. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay. I’m excited to see my family, but I’m going to miss you a lot.”

Dean turns Castiel’s chin and kisses him softly. “I’m gonna miss you like crazy. But hey, I had an idea. If I walk out in Bobby’s scrapyard, I can have some privacy and call you, so we can talk over the phone.”

Castiel smiles. “That will be nice. My room is pretty private at my house. When I’m at my grandparent’s house with my cousins I’ll probably have to share a room, but it’s a big house. I can find somewhere private.”

Dean presses a few kisses to Castiel’s temple, cheek, and nose. He starts moving more into Castiel’s space. “That’s good.”

Castiel relaxes into the touches at first, then starts to tense up. He knows where this may lead, and he’s not sure about it.

“Hey, you doing okay there?” Dean pauses, his hand on Castiel’s hip. 

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

Dean sits up. “I’m making you uncomfortable.”

Castiel sighs. “I’m sorry. It just makes me nervous. I want to do more, I promise I do, I’m just...I don’t know. I can’t explain it.”

“Then we wait. We’re not going to do anything until you’re comfortable with the idea of it. I don’t care how long that takes. I’ll stop initiating and I’ll let you start something whenever you’re up for it. Sex isn’t the end-all-be-all of a relationship. It’s supposed to be healthy and fun. If it’s not going to be for you, then we wait until it will be.”

“What if I’m just freaking out for no reason and I just need to do it?” Castiel looks at Dean. “I want to, it just makes me so nervous right now.”

“Well, some nerves for the first time are normal, but your reaction just now didn’t look like just mild nerves. I wouldn’t feel comfortable going any further with you feeling like that. I think it’ll pass. We just have to build up more trust between each other. You might be someone who needs that. I’ll be honest, I don’t. I had my phase where I slept around a lot. But not everyone is like that, and there’s nothing wrong with needing a bond with someone before having sex.”

Castiel nods and lets out a deep breath. “I’ve heard of that. Demisexuality, right?”

“Yeah, that’s it.”

Castiel thinks for a moment. “I guess I never really considered it before now. I’ve never been interested in hook-ups or anything like that, and I’ve never been in a serious relationship, so I guess I wouldn’t have known until now. Huh. I learned something new about myself.”

Dean smiles. “I’m glad. And hey, that means that the feeling will pass once we’ve built that bond.”

Castiel smiles back and kisses Dean’s cheek. “Thank you for understanding.”

“Of course. You know how much I care about you. I’m not going to throw that away just because of sex.” He pats his hands against his thighs. “So, you want to spend the night in my room tonight? It’s been a while since we’ve done that.”

Castiel nods quickly. “Definitely. I could use the cuddles before we’re separated.” 

Dean grins and grabs Castiel’s hand, leading him back to his room. He lets go and hops onto his bed. “Get over here and hold me.”

Castiel beams as he climbs into bed. He hugs Dean and kisses his forehead. “You’re so needy.”

“As if you aren’t too. You’re a cuddle monster.”

Castiel squeezes Dean and hums. “Maybe. Maybe I’m just seeing to your needs.”

Dean rolls his eyes and kisses Castiel. “You’re so sassy. Sassy Cassie.”

Castiel flicks Dean in the head. “You know I hate it when you call me that. That’s my mother’s name for me.” He pouts dramatically.

Dean pouts as well. “But it’s cute.”

Castiel shrugs. “Tough.”

Dean buries his face in Castiel’s chest. “Hmph.”

“How would you feel if I called you...Deanie weanie?”

Dean makes a face. “That’s awful. Don’t call me that.”

Castiel grins. “Okay, I won’t, because I respect your wishes.”

Dean rolls his eyes with a chuckle. “Alright, alright, I get it.”

Castiel kisses the top of Dean’s head and pulls the quilt over them. “Goodnight, Dean.”

“Night, Cas.” Dean wraps an arm around Castiel and scoots as close to him as possible. Their legs tangle together and their arms stay wrapped around one another. They fall asleep curled up together, holding on to keep from separating during the night. 

In the middle of the night, Dean shoots awake, which startles Castiel awake as well. He looks up at his boyfriend with half-open eyes, blinking slowly. 

“Dean? What is it?” Castiel’s voice is rough and gravelly from sleep. 

Dean pulls his hand out from under his pillow and stares at the door. “Did you hear that?”

“Hear what?”

“There was a noise in the kitchen.” Dean looks back at Castiel.

Castiel tries to pull Dean back down. “It’s an older house. It makes noises sometimes. It’s nothing. Go back to sleep.” He glances at the clock. “It’s three am.”

Dean slowly lays back down and sighs. “You’re right. Sorry.”

Castiel pulls Dean closer and buries his face in his neck. “It’s okay. Just sleep.”

Dean wraps an arm around Castiel and closes his eyes, falling back asleep peacefully.

Castiel wakes up first the next morning. He looks down and sees Dean still under his arm. His face is fully relaxed and his mouth is hanging open. Castiel smiles at him and kisses his forehead. Looking at him makes Castiel’s heart feel full. Just knowing that Dean was his made everyday life so much sweeter. 

Dean’s mouth closes and his shifts, slowly waking up. He opens his eyes and looks up at Castiel. “You watching me sleep?”

“A little bit. You’re cute.”

Dean chuckles and hums. “What time is it?”

Castiel turns over and looks at the clock on the bedside table. “Seven forty-five.”

Dean groans. “I need to get on the road soon. It’s a very long drive.”

Castiel nods. “You should get some breakfast first.” He kisses Dean’s cheek and hugs him tightly. 

Dean hugs Castiel back and kisses the top of his head. “Fuck, I’m gonna miss you.”

“I’m going to miss you too. Hey, call me while you’re driving if you need entertainment. I’ll talk your ear off while watching Masterchef. I’m excellent at describing TV shows over the phone.”

Dean laughs and hugs Castiel one more time. “Sounds great.” He sighs. “Alright, gotta get up now.” He lets go of his boyfriend and slides out of bed, feet hitting the old carpet with a quiet thud. 

Castiel lays there and watches Dean move about the room. He’s on his stomach with his chin propped up on his hands. His eyes move to Dean’s ass when he bends over to keep packing his duffel. Castiel carefully moves off the bed, his feet as quiet as the night as he moves across the carpet. He winds up and smacks Dean’s ass, the noise ringing out through the quiet room. Dean shoots up and whips around with a stunned look on his face. He pouts and pushes Castiel’s shoulder. 

“Asshole.”

Castiel rolls his eyes. “You like it and you know it.”

Dean’s cheeks flush with color. “Fine.”

Castiel smiles and walks to the kitchen. He knows Dean doesn’t have time to wait for Castiel to cook breakfast, so instead he makes himself a bowl of cereal. He didn’t really feel like cooking anyway. 

Dean comes out of his room dressed and carrying the duffel bag on his shoulder. He grabs a granola bar out of his cabinet and shoves it into his mouth, consuming the entire thing in three bites in gross display of manliness. Once he swallows, he walks up to Castiel and kisses him. “Please be careful when you fly in a couple weeks. You’ll have to text me when you land so I know you didn’t die in a ball of fire.”

Castiel chuckles softly. “I will, love, don’t worry about it. Planes are perfectly safe.”

“There’s always a possibility. It does happen.”

“It’s not going to happen. I promise.” Castiel kisses Dean one more time. “I’ll see you in a few weeks for New Years. Drive safe.”

Dean hugs Castiel. “I will. See you soon.” He pulls away and sneaks one more kiss before finally leaving the house. 

Castiel sighs sadly and finishes his cereal. He’s pretty much packed to go home, but he wants to miss the morning Atlanta traffic, so he decides to wait a few hours before leaving. 

At ten o’clock, after some reading, Castiel gets dressed and hits the road. The drive is only about forty-five minutes long, so he’s home before he knows it. He parks in the driveway of his suburban house and carries his bag to the front door. He remembers the spare key hidden under a fake rock by the bushes and grabs it to open the door. 

As soon as he’s inside, he hears footsteps. His mother comes around the corner and beams. 

“Cassie! You’re home!” Her long, grey hair flies behind her as she runs to hug her son. 

Castiel hugs his mother and smiles. “Hey, Mom. Is Dad at work?”

She nods. “He’ll be back in time for dinner.”

Castiel takes a look around his family home. Crosses hang everywhere and there’s a large painting of Jesus at the end of the hall. Pictures of Castiel are scattered all over the walls and on every shelf. A giant frame with his best senior picture hangs above the fireplace. Everything is decorated with greys and beiges. The house looks like an HGTV advertisement. There’s not a single thing out of place. 

He walks up to his childhood bedroom and sets his bag down. The walls are painted white, which goes well with his brown bedspread. There’s a small TV and entertainment center on the wall opposite from the bed. A massive wooden bookshelf covers half of one wall and a large window covers the other wall. The floors are hardwood with a fluffy rug beside the bed. 

Castiel sets his bag on his bed and sits down on it. It’s always strange to be back home after moving out. He certainly didn’t dislike it. His parents were very loving and they always did fun things together. It just felt weird to come back for weeks at a time over the holidays. This next summer, he’d get to live on his own. He was in student housing for his first two years, so he had to move out after Spring semester. The lease on the house lasted all year, so Castiel would get to stay. 

Castiel’s mother gives him a delicious pesto chicken dish for lunch, leftovers from the night prior. Castiel sits with her and tells her all about school, leaving out the detail that he is in a relationship. 

His father arrives back at the house at five forty-five and comes in to see Castiel and his mother making dinner. 

Castiel excuses himself to his room after dinner, full as a tick. His mother is an excellent cook, so he always eats great with his parents. He closes himself in his room and checks the time, seven thirty. Dean still has a few hours to go. He pulls up his contacts and calls Dean. The phone rings twice before it picks up.

“Hey there.”

Castiel sits on his bed and smiles. “Hey. How’s the drive going?”

“Long. I’m in Kansas City.”

“Missouri, that’s pretty close.”

Dean chuckles. “Yeah, about five hours left. Doesn’t feel all that close.”

“You’re in the home stretch.”

“Yeah.” Dean sighs. “So, how are your parents?”

“They’re good. We just finished dinner.” Castiel taps his fingers against his leg. “I think they want to do an escape room tomorrow.”

“What’s that?”

Castiel’s eyes widen. “Oh my god, I’m taking you to an escape room as soon as you get back. It’s kind of what it sounds like. You go into a room and there’s a bunch of puzzles you solve in order to escape. They’re all really themed and fun. That would be a perfect date. I know we have some in Athens.”

“Huh. That does sound fun. Let’s do it.”

Castiel leans back against his headboard with a smile. “Now, want me to describe an episode of Masterchef to you?”

“That sounds entertaining to say the least.”

Castiel turns on his TV and starts a new season of Masterchef. He starts describing all of the contestants to Dean as they’re introduced. Dean seems very entertained by the whole thing. 

After two episodes of Masterchef, Castiel’s mother calls him downstairs for a movie. Castiel tells Dean goodbye and joins his parents in the living room. 

A little after midnight, while Castiel waits in his bed, he finally receives a text from Dean letting him know that he has safely arrived at Bobby’s. Castiel sends him a goodnight text and finally lets himself fall asleep.


	11. Chapter 11

Castiel flies to Illinois on the twenty-first of December. The flight is at 8am, which he feels is far too early in the morning. Dean texts him several times while he’s in the airport, making sure he’s okay. Castiel texts Dean as soon as he lands to let him know that all is well. Dean is massively relieved. 

Castiel’s grandparents’ house is huge and old. The yard is well manicured with flowers growing in the beds in front of the wrap-around porch. The house belongs to Castiel’s maternal grandparents. His paternal grandparents live only ten minutes away and Castiel’s parents plan on staying with them for a night while in Illinois. 

The house is located about half an hour from Peoria. It’s in a nice little suburb that’s surrounded by farms. Castiel has tons of memories here. He anticipates the snow that’s supposed to fall tomorrow. Georgia almost never gets snow, so getting to see it in Illinois is one of the highlights of the holidays for Castiel. 

Castiel and his parents are the first ones there, so Castiel quickly claims a room with only one bed. Only one cousin gets the privilege of having a room by themselves, and Castiel was eager to be that cousin this year. He sets his bag down and immediately texts Dean to let him know that he scored the room with one bed. 

During the stay, Castiel calls Dean every night. They stay on the phone for about an hour each night, sharing family stories and the events of their days. Dean complains a little about standing outside in the cold every time he calls. Castiel reassures him that they’ll see each other in person soon. 

On Christmas morning, Castiel has to pretend to be excited about Santa for his younger cousins. The youngest is a newborn and there’s three-year-old twins. Castiel’s Christmas list is made up almost entirely of books, and that’s what he receives, that and the sweater his grandma knits every year. 

The day after Christmas is spent at Castiel’s paternal grandparents’ house, and the day after that, they fly back to Atlanta. Castiel makes sure to text Dean as soon as he lands again to ease his anxiety about the plane. 

The next couple days are tense while Castiel waits for the thirtieth to drive back to Athens. Castiel spends the days with his parents, enjoying their company before he leaves.

On the thirtieth, Castiel packs his bag and drives back to Athens in the evening, at seven pm. His mother had insisted he stay for dinner to miss the rush hour traffic. It ends up working out for the better, since Dean isn’t due to arrive in Athens until about ten. 

Castiel arrives at the house close to eight. He unpacks his bag and decides to sit on the couch to wait for Dean. He can barely sit still while he watches TV and scrolls through his phone. Every minute is an anxious hour. He stares at the door over and over, willing himself to hear the purr of the impala in the driveway. 

As ten o’clock creeps closer, Castiel gets more and more excited. He checks the time every couple minutes to watch it slowly approach ten. 

A few minutes after ten, Castiel hears the telltale roar of Baby’s engine. He grins and turns towards the door, propped up on the arm of the couch. He hears the engine cut off and the key turning in the door. It opens up and Dean walks in with a duffel over his shoulder. He beams as soon as he sees Castiel and throws his duffel aside. Castiel jumps off the couch and runs three steps to him, throwing his arms around his neck. 

Dean grabs the backs of Castiel’s thighs and picks him up, spinning around a couple times. “Holy shit, I missed you.”

Castiel wraps his legs around Dean and holds onto him with his thighs. He grabs his face and kisses him sweetly. “I missed you too.” 

Dean sets Castiel down and smiles tiredly. “As much as I’d like to stay up and chat, I’m exhausted from the drive. You want to come sleep in my room?”

Castiel nods quickly, the excitement clear in his face and body. “Very much so. I’m tired too. Let me go change.” He kisses Dean’s cheek and leaves to go to his room. As fast as he can, he puts on a pair of pajama pants and a soft t-shirt before jogging back to Dean’s room. He finds his boyfriend in just his boxers, laying flat on his stomach on the bed. He looks half-asleep already. 

“Sorry, I’m going to pass out if I try to stay awake any longer,” Dean mumbles, looking up at Castiel with half-lidded eyes. 

Castiel climbs into bed and slides under the covers, holding his arms out to Dean. “That’s alright, I’m ready to sleep too.” He wraps an arm around Dean once he’s close enough and holds him close. Feeling the warm body of his boyfriend against his chest again is just what he needs to fall asleep.

~~~

The next day, Castiel and Dean are all over each other. They eat breakfast on the couch, curled up next to each other like two inseparable parts. For lunch, they go out to a local sandwich shop. All afternoon, they sit on the couch and watch TV together.

After dinner, Castiel goes to his room to get ready for Gabriel’s New Year’s Eve party. For this party, no one wants to be designated driver, so they decided to bring sleeping bags to camp out on Gabriel’s living room floor. Castiel doesn’t have a sleeping bag, but Dean offers to lend him one for tonight. 

Castiel dresses in his red button-up and black jeans. He actually makes an attempt to comb his hair down to no avail. It still sticks up like he just rolled out of bed. He gives up and walks out into the living room, spotting Dean on the couch. His boyfriend is dressed in a forest green button-up shirt that makes his eyes pop like nothing else does. 

“I like that shirt on you.” Castiel smiles and sits down next to Dean. 

“I like the shirt you’re wearing too.” Dean kisses Castiel’s cheek with a low hum rumbling from his chest. “We’re gonna have to pack it up with all of this lovey-dovey stuff in a few minutes.”

“It’s going to be hard when we’re both drunk. Maybe we should try to keep apart.”

Dean pouts. “Well I definitely don’t want to do that. We just got reunited.” He smiles. “We’ll be fine.”

Castiel smiles back. “I think we will be too.” He looks at the time, turning his head over his shoulder to look at the clock on the wall. “We should get going. We’re going to be late.”

Dean stands up from the couch and stretches his arms over his head before grabbing his keys. “Let’s get this show on the road.” He leads the way out to the car to drive them to Gabriel’s apartment.

The drive there is short, and Castiel spends the time telling himself to act like just a friend around Dean. It’s never too hard, and he knows it won’t be much longer before they tell their friends about their relationship.

From the ground, they can see the lights from Gabriel’s apartment balcony. He must have gotten his hands on LEDs that change colors. Castiel leads the way up to the apartment and knocks on the door. 

The door swings open and Gabriel grins up at both of them. “Bienvenidos a mi casa!”

Dean tilts his head. “You speak Spanish?”

“I took one Spanish class. Get in here!” Gabriel steps back to let them in. 

Castiel walks into the apartment and spots Ash and Jo already playing beer pong. Meg is on the couch, lounging back with a cup in her hand. 

“Clarence! Get over here and greet your best friend!” Meg stands up with a cheshire grin on her face. 

Castiel beams and walks over to Meg, hugging her tightly. “I missed you.”

Meg hugs Castiel and pats him on the back. “I missed you too.” She pulls back. “Now hurry up and start drinking so I’m not the only drunk person here.”

Castiel laughs and surveys the alcohol selections. He picks up a Smirnoff ice and twists off the cap. 

Dean takes a shot of Jack Daniels and moves to spectate the beer pong game that’s going on. “Jo is kicking your ass, Ash.”

“Shuddup. I’ve got this.”

Charlie arrives a few minutes later, completing the group. She contributes a plate of cookies that gets devoured in ten minutes flat. 

As the night progresses, everyone slowly gets louder and drunker. The music gets louder as well. Gabriel passes out drink after drink, and the snacks slowly dwindle down. By eleven-fifty, everyone is thoroughly drunk and having a great time. Castiel is on the couch, laughing as Meg roasts Ash’s cup pong skills.

“Jesus, Ash, my grandma could drink just as much as you have and throw better than you! You hit the damn TV!”

Ash throws his arms up into the air in defeat, rolling his eyes. “Well excuse me for having my skillset elsewhere!”

Meg leans forward and clasps her hands together. “Go on. Throw one right now. I’ll bet fifty bucks that you don’t even hit one of my cups.”

Ash nods and flips his hair over his shoulder. “Alright, alright. Fifty bucks on the table.” He picks up the ball. “You’re serious? Fifty bucks?”

Meg crosses her arms and pops out a hip. “Dead serious. You gonna make the throw?”

Ash looks Meg in the eyes. “Of course I am.” He stares at the cups and lines up his shot. “I’ve got this.” He throws the ball, and it completely misses the cups. It hits Meg in the chest and falls to the floor. 

“Alright, you owe me fifty bucks.” Meg grins. 

“Well, technically I hit a cup.”

Everyone gasps softly at that comment, and Meg’s face twists. “You owe me seventy-five now.”

Ash shrinks, taking in how bad his joke was. “Alright, seventy-five it is.” He pulls out his wallet and collects the cash. He walks over to Meg and holds it out.

Meg takes the cash and sticks it in her pocket, staring down Ash like a predator teasing its prey. She picks up the ball and throws it, sinking it into Ash’s last cup. “I win.”

Castiel laughs and leans to the side, falling on Dean’s shoulder. He sips on his vodka sprite with a smile. “I love you, Meg.”

Meg looks over at Castiel and her expression finally softens. She smiles at him fondly. “I know you do, Clarence.”

Dean pats Castiel on the back. “How much have you had?”

“Less than you. I’ve been watching.”

Dean laughs. “You’re right.”

Gabriel picks up the TV remote and turns it on. “Let’s watch the ball drop, we have less than three minutes.”

Castiel sits up and watches as the TV bursts to life with the colors of New York City at night. Announcers that Castiel thinks he’s supposed to know talk about how there’s two minutes until the ball drops. 

Gabriel leans against the couch with a whiskey and coke in hand. “I never got the idea of a ball dropping. How did it start?”

Charlie raises her hand. “It’s from a nineteenth century maritime tradition. Ports would drop time balls at noon and ships would use that to know what time it was.”

Jo nods. “And today in information I never thought I’d want to know, we have that.”

Charlie grins. “Come to me if you ever need more useless information.”

Dean shushes everyone. “The countdown is starting.”

Gabriel looks around the room. “Alright, who’s going to kiss me?” There’s a collective groan amongst the group. “Geez, alright then.”

Castiel watches as the clock ticks down on the TV. He takes another sip of his drink and starts counting down with the rest of the group. 

“Five, four, three, two, one!” Castiel holds his drink in the air and looks at Dean. They stare at each other for a second or two, then it happens. They lean in simultaneously and kiss one another. After spending all day together as a couple, and with the influence of the alcohol, the want is too hard to ignore. It doesn’t matter to them that their friends are watching. All they want is this moment together. 

When it ends, Castiel sits back and smiles at Dean like he’s the most precious thing in the room. All he can think about is how handsome his boyfriend looks in his nice green shirt. 

“Uhhh, guys?” Gabriel stares at Dean and Castiel with his brows furrowed and eyes wide. 

Castiel snaps out of his trance and lets out a nervous laugh. “Haha yeah, we just-we thought it would be funny-”

“He’s my boyfriend,” Dean interjects. 

Castiel’s eyes widen to the size of dinner plates and he stares at Dean. “You’re drunk.”

“Yeah, but it’s fine. It’s about time.”

Meg puts her hands on her hips. “How long?”

“Um, since right after my birthday?” Castiel answers, a guilty look on his face.

Charlie points at them. “I knew it! I called it months ago! You two started acting different around each other a long time ago.”

Dean rubs the back of his neck. “Yeah, whoops.”

Jo shakes her head. “And you kept it a secret...why?”

Castiel looks at Jo. “We weren’t ready.” The last thing he wants is for the blame of the secret relationship to fall on Dean. 

Jo shrugs. “Fair enough.” She smiles. “I’m happy for you two.”

Gabriel leans against the wall and takes a sip of his drink. “Me too. You kids are good together.”

Dean wraps an arm around Castiel and pulls him close. “Yeah, we are.”

Castiel looks up at his boyfriend with a warm feeling in his chest. There is an immense amount of relief now that their friends know. The secret is out in the open, and there’s no reason to hide anymore. 

Meg crosses her arms. “I’m not mad, but if you lie to me again you’re toast.” She grins, clearly joking. 

Castiel knew Meg would probably be a little upset, but he promises himself that he’ll make it up to her. “I won’t again, I promise.”

For the rest of the night, Castiel and Dean freely express their affection for one another. It feels good to do, especially after being separated for several weeks. All of their friends are happy to see them together, finally. That night, once everyone sets up their sleeping bags, Dean and Castiel put their right next to one another and sleep with their fingers intertwined.


	12. Chapter 12

The new semester marks a new beginning in Castiel and Dean’s relationship. Now that they’re public, things are a little easier. They openly express their affection around their friends and even go on more public dates. Castiel worried the night of the party that Dean would freak out once he was sober, but he was completely fine, happy even.

The cold doesn’t last very long in Georgia. By February, the days are either a crisp sixty degrees, or down in the forties. It is starting to warm up a little, enough that Castiel didn’t need a big jacket to go to class. All of the trees are still dead, leaving UGA’s pretty campus a dull brown highlighted by the white columns of all the buildings. 

Something happens between them one afternoon in the library. Dean keeps ripping off parts of a sheet of paper and throwing the little balls at Castiel’s head. Every time another one bounces off, Castiel kicks Dean in the leg under the table and stares at him like a mother at her petulant child. Dean just laughs and acts innocent. 

A few minutes pass. Castiel’s focus moves back to his laptop. He types away for a while, and then it happens. Another ball hits him in the nose. He picks it up and chucks it hard back at Dean’s head. 

“You’re an ass.”

Dean laughs and rolls his eyes. “Come on, you love me.”

Castiel smiles to himself, his cheeks heating up a little. “Yeah, I do love you.”

Dean freezes and his eyes widen. “Wait, you mean like-“

“Yes, I mean I love you, dumbass.” Castiel chuckles. 

Dean’s face breaks into a massive smile. “I love you too.” 

Castiel stares at Dean, wishing they weren’t in a public place so that he could pounce on Dean and kiss him to his heart’s desire. Instead, he reaches across the table and takes Dean’s hand, squeezing it. Dean squeezes back and they exchange a knowing look. 

They leave the library together, bumping shoulders a few times from how close they are. Castiel boards his bike and waits for Dean to get on his own, which he had purchased recently. They bike back to the house together and return to their rooms briefly to put away their bikes. 

Castiel walks straight to Dean’s room and kisses him hard. There’s something more behind it this time around. Castiel has known for a few weeks that he loves Dean, but now it felt even more powerful when he knew Dean loved him back. It was potent and it devoured his very being. 

Dean holds Castiel tightly, fingers carding through his ever messed-up hair. He whispers between kisses, “I love you.” 

Castiel whispers back and holds Dean a little tighter. Another feeling has joined the mix. It’s a warmth spreading through Castiel that grows hotter with every passing second. Castiel’s kisses move to Dean’s neck and his hand slides down his boyfriend’s back. 

“Gettin’ a little frisky there, Cas.”

“I know. Is that okay with you?”

Dean grins. “Very much so.” He uses his fingers in Castiel’s hair to pull his head back so he can press his own kisses to Castiel’s neck. 

Castiel starts moving them into the bedroom, taking small steps that push Dean backwards. He knows where this is going, and now, it feels right. His bond with Dean is the strongest it’s ever been, and the desire is strong too. It courses through Castiel like the very blood in his veins. 

They fall into bed together and the clothes quickly disappear. Despite Castiel’s inexperience, he takes charge of the situation. There’s a moment where Dean says something. 

“You know, I top and bottom. I have a preference, but I can do both.”

Castiel grins. He pins Dean to the bed by his shoulders and watches as his eyes dilate. His hands fall above his head and he stares up at Castiel with big doe eyes that make him look ripe for the taking. “I don’t know, you seem kind of like a pillow princess to me.”

Dean pouts and hits Castiel in the shoulder, his face scrunched up like an irritated child. “I am not a pillow princess. Someone called me a power bottom one time.”

“One time?”

Dean rolls his eyes and pulls Castiel in for another kiss. 

Castiel had always worried about what his first time would be like. Everyone told him it would be awful and awkward because neither of them would know what they were doing. With Dean, things were easier than he thought they would be. Sure, there were a few awkward moments where one of them would mess up, but in the end, they just laugh and move on. It takes a few minutes to work out (nonsexual) kinks, but then it’s perfect. 

Castiel falls onto the bed next to Dean, utterly spent and sweaty. He makes himself get up to grab a wet washcloth to clean up with. Dean watches him with a dopey grin, propping himself up on his elbow. 

Once they’re clean, Castiel lays back down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling with a pleased look on his face. He crosses his arms behind his head and his knuckles brush against something hard underneath the pillow. He furrows his brows and sits up, lifting the pillow to investigate. Underneath the pillow lies a handgun with an ivory handle. Castiel gasps and backs up from it.

“Why the fuck do you have a gun in your bed?!”

Dean sits up with wide eyes, mouth gaping. “I can explain! I swear I’m not a murderer!”

“That sounds like something a murderer would say!” Castiel grew up far away from guns. He had only ever seen one in a police holster, never in use or out in the open. He had never touched one himself, until now. 

“It’s just for safety.” Dean picks up the gun, which makes Castiel flinch. He holds it up, keeping the barrel pointing away from Castiel. “The safety’s on. It’s not going to go off.” He pauses. “Have you ever even seen a gun?”

Castiel shakes his head. “Our lease said that we weren’t allowed to have weapons on the property.”

Dean sighs. “I know. You’re not going to rat me out, are you?”

Castiel shakes his head. “I just don’t understand why you even have it. Yeah, downtown Athens can be scary at night, but under your pillow? Has that always been there every time I’ve slept in here?”

“No, I always hid it under the bed when I knew you were coming in here. I didn’t want you to find it and freak out.”

Castiel sighs heavily and drags his hands over his face. “So, why do you have it?”

Dean looks at the gun in his lap, holding it carefully. “Look, my childhood wasn’t exactly kittens and rainbows. I had to be able to defend myself. I’ve been able to shoot since I was seven. I’ve kept a weapon under my pillow for most of my life. I got this gun when I was ten and it’s stayed under my pillow since then. It doesn’t matter where I am, I need to be ready at a moment’s notice.”

“Is someone chasing you? Is that why you left Kansas?”

Dean shakes his head. “No.” He rubs his hand over his face. “You deserve the truth. The whole truth. You already know part of my motivation to leave Kansas, to get away from my past with Lisa. There’s another part: my dad. He lives in Lawrence right now, at least I think he’s still there. What I’m doing now, going to school, this isn’t the life he wants for me, or for Sammy. He wants us to work for him, with the family business. That’s why Sam lives with Bobby.”

Castiel listens and nods, trying to be as understanding as possible. “What is the family business?”

Dean looks at Castiel almost like he pities him. A few seconds pass before Dean speaks. “Dangerous gigs with dangerous people. That’s why we moved around so much, most of it wasn’t legal.”

“Is he an assassin or something? Like a mercenary?”

“No, not really.” 

Castiel frowns. “Where did you live? You’ve said you moved around a lot, but never where you lived when you moved. What kind of neighborhoods were you living in where a ten-year-old needed a gun under his pillow?”

“We didn’t really live in neighborhoods. We stayed in motels or slept in the back of the car, my car.”

Castiel feels his heart grow heavy. “You never told me you were homeless.”

Dean shrugs. “I’m not anymore. I haven’t been in a while. Sam and I went to live with Bobby when I was fifteen. And, I wasn’t always moving around. I had a normal life until I was nearly five, then something happened.”

Castiel tilts his head. “What happened?”

Dean keeps his eyes downcast. “My mom died. The house burned down too. My dad handed Sammy to me and told me to run. I watched the house burn to the ground. My dad barely got out before the whole thing went up in flames. My mom didn’t make it.”

Castiel had known for a long time that Dean’s mom had died. He had mentioned it once or twice. Castiel just never knew what happened. He moves back next to Dean and takes his hand. After some exposure, the gun doesn’t scare him anymore, especially when it’s being held by someone he trusts so much. “Dean, I had no idea growing up was so hard for you. It makes me wish I had been there to help you. All I can do now is be supportive. If you ever need to talk or vent about anything that happened, I’m here. I don’t care how bad it is, I’ll listen and understand. I promise.”

Dean kisses Castiel’s forehead and holds him close, setting the gun aside. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I love you so much.”

Castiel leans against Dean. “I love you too.”

For a few minutes, they both sit there and hold each other. The silence doesn’t feel awkward or tense. It’s a calming blanket that makes both of them feel safe and secure. Once they both start to feel chills from sitting there, still naked, they get up to shower. Dean puts the gun back under his pillow and follows Castiel to the bathroom. They shower together in silence, taking turns bathing one another. It’s incredibly intimate, more so than they thought it would be. 

Castiel feels an even deeper connection to Dean now. Hearing the story of his childhood makes him feel heavier inside, knowing all the pain Dean must have been through. It makes him feel incredibly privileged to have grown up so protected. The gratefulness he feels for his parents grows exponentially. It could have been so much worse.

After their shower, they dress in comfortable clothes and order in pizza for dinner, too emotionally exhausted to cook. It had been an eventful day. 

Castiel holds Dean practically in his lap while they watch Game of Thrones. The volume is on low and they have closed captions on for easy watching. The show could get loud at times and that felt like too much right now. Castiel buries his nose in Dean’s hair and breathes in the smell of his shampoo. 

Suddenly, his tinnitus flares up. It starts off not so bad. He moves a hand to his head and rubs it, willing the ringing to stop. Slowly, it gets louder and louder. The volume of the ringing cranks up in his head and he presses both hands to his ears, face twisting in pain. He can’t even hear Dean trying to talk to him. He can barely feel Dean’s hands on him. 

“Come home, Castiel…” The whispers among the ringing are new and terrifying. Castiel hits himself in the temple, trying to make the voices stop. More chime in, begging him to come home or to come back. Instead of a slow drop off, everything suddenly stops. There’s some residual ringing in Castiel’s ears, but the voices have stopped. 

“Cas? Talk to me, baby. What’s going on?” Dean’s eyes are big and scared. He’s holding Castiel’s shoulder with one hand and Castiel’s wrist with the other. He had stopped Castiel from hitting himself in the head after the first time. 

Castiel meets Dean’s eyes and takes his other hand off of his ear. He swallows. “It’s my tinnitus. It’s never been that bad before.”

“You were hitting yourself in the head. Do you do that every time?”

Castiel shakes his head. “No, I’ve never done that before.”

“Why did you start?” Dean stares at Castiel with concern etched into his features. 

Castiel looks at Dean and considers telling him the truth, that he’s hearing voices. Fear bubbles up in his stomach and begs him to stay quiet. Dean will think he’s insane if he tells the truth. Castiel swallows hard. “It just hurt. A lot.”

“You need to go see health services tomorrow. Make an appointment now. That can’t be a normal amount of pain for tinnitus.” Dean lets go of Castiel’s shoulder and kisses his wrist before putting it down. 

Castiel nods. “You’re right.” He picks up his phone and opens up his student portal app. He makes an appointment at health services for first thing the next morning. 

They spend the rest of the evening curled up on the couch together before migrating to Dean’s room to sleep. Castiel watches Dean put the gun under the bed before getting in. As much as he trusts Dean, he doesn’t feel comfortable sleeping in a bed with a pistol under the pillow. 

Castiel’s alarm goes off earlier than usual the next morning. He leaves Dean in bed and throws on his clothes to go to health services. 

The inside of the building looks about like any other doctor’s office. Most of the system is automated, so Castiel has to spend five minutes at a computer filling out his information and why he’s there. Once it’s done, he sits in a chair for about ten minutes before he’s called back. 

A nurse practitioner looks at his eyes and ears and asks him a dozen questions about his tinnitus. Castiel doesn’t mention the voices for fear of being sent off somewhere. The nurse practitioner tells him that he’s developing migraines and recommends an over-the-counter migraine painkiller for whenever he has one. She tells him that if it gets worse, he needs to go to a neurologist for treatment. Castiel thanks her and leaves the building. 

As he bikes back to the house, he swears he still hears whispering in his ears. He can’t make out any of the words, but the sounds are there. His heart pounds with fear and he feels uneasy as he walks back into the house. Things had just started to work out, and now this. Nothing could stay perfect for long.


	13. Chapter 13

The voices don’t stop over the coming days. Castiel does his best to ignore them, but within two weeks the voices become more than just whispers. Sometimes Castiel whirls around in his bedroom because he swears he hears someone right behind him. Almost every day, the tinnitus gets so loud that he doubles over. It happens in class one time. Each time, he takes the migraine pills health services recommended. They don’t seem to do anything, since the pain only lasts for a minute at the max.

Dean does everything he can to help Castiel when the pain starts, but Castiel still tells him nothing about the voices. Dean is his caring self every time. He lays Castiel down and keeps him from falling or hurting himself on accident. When it’s over, Dean brings Castiel a glass of water and holds him until he calms down. 

Castiel decides not to tell his parents about the migraines during their weekly phone call. It feels like too much to put on them right now. He just tells them about his relationship with Dean, which they were thrilled to hear about. Their excitement didn’t match Sam’s, which Castiel gets to hear over the phone. He claims that he knew they would be a couple and congratulates them. As for the voices still going in Castiel’s head, he stays low-key and tries to hide his symptoms from his friends. 

February moves into March, right around the middle of the semester. Castiel and Dean buckle down for their midterms for a week and then spring break starts. Castiel tells his parents that he’s sick and that he doesn’t want to go on their trip to the Grand Canyon, so he stays in Athens. Dean stays with him. 

The voices start to get to Castiel during spring break. He locks himself away in his room for an entire day and holds his head in his hands. He doesn’t eat all day. He wills that the voices calling to him to come home will shut up. He cries for a while, wondering what went wrong with him. Surely once someone finds out that he’s hearing voices he’ll be locked up in a psych ward forever.

Late that night, his door opens without a knock. He opens his eyes and sees Dean walking in. He has a bag in one hand, a mug in the other, and his quilt draped over his shoulder. 

“Cas, I don’t know what’s bothering you, but you’re not taking care of yourself. You don’t have to tell me what’s going on, just let me help you. I brought you food and tea.” Dean stands at the side of the bed and sets the mug on the bedside table. 

Castiel slowly sits up. The voices aren’t there now, so he’s calmer. He doesn’t really know what to say to Dean. He really doesn’t want to tell him what’s going on, not yet. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. Everyone goes through rough patches. Let’s just get you taken care of, okay?” Dean sits on the bed and wraps the quilt around Castiel’s shoulders. “You’ve got to let someone help you, okay? Whatever you’re fighting, you don’t have to do it alone. If you’d rather talk to Meg, I’ll call her and give you some space.”

Castiel rubs his face and sighs. “I don’t think I want anyone else to see me like this.”

“Okay, that’s fine.” Dean opens the bag and hands Castiel a burger wrapped in paper. “I’ve got fries too.”

Castiel takes the burger and gives a tiny smile. “You know me too well.” He unwraps the paper and takes a large bite from the burger. He hasn’t realized how hungry he is until now. He eats in silence and looks at Dean. His expression is nervous, as is his body language. He’s shifting and picking at his own fingernails. Castiel realizes how this must feel to Dean. “I should probably say that this has nothing to do with you, nor do I want it to affect our relationship. I’m just having a hard time right now.”

Dean lets out a sigh of relief and nods. “Okay. Thanks for telling me. I was getting worried. I’m still worried. You haven’t been yourself for a few weeks.”

“I know. Thanks for sticking with me. I hope this passes soon.”

“I hope it does too. And don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere. Believe me, I’ve been through some really rough spots myself. I know what it’s like. It’ll pass and you’ll feel better.”

Castiel nods and looks down. Part of him knows that this isn’t something that will just suddenly go away. It certainly doesn’t feel like that. Maybe he’ll learn to deal with it and it’ll just be his new normal. 

Once he finishes his burger, he eats all of the fries out of the bag and picks up the mug of tea Dean brought him. He looks at the time and sees that it’s just past ten pm. He’s tired, but not quite ready to go to bed. “Do you want to watch a movie?”

Dean smiles softly and nods. “Yeah, we can finally watch National Treasure if you want. Here, I’ll get the trash.” He picks up the empty bag, carrying it out of the bedroom. 

Castiel follows him, pulling the quilt around his shoulders. He sits on the couch with a sigh. He resists the urge to turn around when he hears a voice right behind his head. He takes a deep breath, calming himself down. There, he can handle this. This is manageable. 

Dean joins Castiel on the couch and tonight, he’s the one holding Castiel instead of the other way around. The movie isn’t very long, so by the time it’s over, it’s about eleven forty-five. 

“Do you want me to stay with you tonight?” Dean asks, brushing Castiel’s hair off of his forehead. 

Castiel thinks about it briefly. His room is pretty messy at the moment, and he’s not sure he washed his sheets this week. “Maybe I should stay in your room. You’ve seen mine. I don’t think you’d want to stay in there.”

Dean shrugs. “I’ve slept in worse places, but yeah, let’s sleep in my room.” 

Castiel follows Dean to his bedroom and watches him put the gun under the bed. Now that he’s seen Dean put it under there several times, it doesn’t frighten him. He throws the quilt back over the bed and climbs under it. Dean joins him and they curl up together. 

“G’night, Cas. I love you.”

“Goodnight. I love you too.” Castiel closes his eyes and hopes that the voices stay away long enough for him to be able to sleep. They had been keeping him up for countless nights the past few weeks, meaning that he was barely sleeping. Tonight, it’s quiet, and he’s exhausted. Sleep comes easily. 

In the middle of the night, a massive crash emanates from the kitchen. Castiel and Dean both sit up. Dean’s hand is under his pillow, looking for the gun. 

“Did we lock the door?” Castiel whispers.

Dean nods and grabs the gun out from under the bed. “Yeah, I always check. Stay here.”

Castiel watches Dean get out of bed and slowly open the bedroom door. He creeps out into the hallway and out of Castiel’s sight. 

“Shit.”

Castiel gets out of bed and peeks out the door. “What is it?” He sees Dean standing there, gun down. He leaves the bedroom to get a look at what Dean’s staring at. He walks out into the living space and looks into the kitchen. The cabinets with all of their pots and pans are open and the contents are on the floor. 

Dean runs a hand through his hair. “Oh my god.”

Castiel lets out a sigh of relief. “I must have stacked those poorly. They just fell.”

“I don’t think they did.”

Castiel tilts his head. “There’s no one in here. Come on, let’s go back to bed.” Just as Castiel turns to walk back to the bedroom, a pot goes whizzing by his head and hits the wall behind him. 

“Cas! Get down!”

Castiel drops to the floor and covers his head. He hears the cabinets opening and slamming shut. Glass shatters and more objects from their kitchen go flying around the room. He looks up in time to see Dean running out of the house, so he gets up and follows him. Just as he makes it to the door, it slams shut in front of him. He grabs the doorknob and tries to open it, but it’s stuck. “Dean!” He yanks on the door as hard as he can, but it doesn’t budge. 

The window next to the door opens and Dean climbs in, a large duffel bag over his shoulder. He opens it and pulls out a large can. “Stand here and stay in the circle!” 

Castiel stands where Dean is pointing and watches as he pours a ring of what looks like salt around him. “What the hell is that supposed to do?!”

“It’s a salt ring, it’ll protect you from whatever this thing is. Don’t move.”

Castiel shakes his head. “I’m going out the window!” He runs for the window, but it slams shut in front of him like the door. 

“Cas! Get in the circle!”

Castiel turns around and one of his ceramic bowls hits him in the stomach. He runs back to the circle and stands in it, trying not to think about how bad that hurt. As ridiculous as the salt circle sounds, he’s scared and nothing makes sense. 

Dean rummages through the duffle bag, hiding behind the couch. He pulls out four little bags and runs to the wall. He kicks the drywall in and stuffs the bag inside. Castiel watches as Dean disappears to other parts of the house and hears him kicking holes in the drywall. As he runs towards where Castiel is standing, a pan hits him square in the head. He falls to the ground with a shout.

“Dean!” Castiel shouts. He starts to run to him, but stops when a kitchen knife whizzes between them.

Dean tosses the little bag to Castiel. “Put it in the wall, right behind you!”

Castiel turns around and steps out of the salt circle. He kicks the wall with the ball of his foot and nothing happens. He turns around and kicks the wall in with his heel. He stuffs the bag into the hole, and then all the commotion stops. The cabinets stop swinging and the kitchenware that’s in the air falls to the ground. 

Castiel runs to Dean and gently cradles the side of his head. “Are you okay?”

Dean sits up and nods slowly. “I’m fine. It’s over now.”

“What the hell was that?” Castiel looks around their house at the items scattered across the floor.

Dean rubs his head. “A poltergeist. It’s been causing all of those noises at night.”

“What? Like the movie?”

Dean shrugs. “Kind of?”

Castiel shakes his head. “That stuff isn’t real. Ghosts aren’t real.”

“They are, Cas. I grew up fighting this stuff.” Dean looks at Castiel with an expression so genuine it’s haunting. “That’s why I keep a gun under my pillow and why I had this duffel bag full of stuff.”

Castiel stares at Dean with wide eyes. “You’re being serious?”

“I wouldn’t lie to you. Especially not about this.”

Castiel looks around the house again. There was no questioning that something was throwing their kitchen supplies around. There was no faking it. It happened, and it stopped when Dean put those bags in the drywall. “How did you stop it?”

“House purification ritual. I packed the bags for the ritual when I moved here just in case I encountered a poltergeist here. You put the bags in the wall in the north, south, east, and west corners of the house. This one wasn’t too powerful yet.”

“It threw our pots and pans at us.”

Dean shrugs. “I’ve seen one throw a couch. This could have been so much worse, trust me.”

Castiel wraps his arms around himself. “So this was the dangerous work your dad did?”

Dean nods. “Yeah. It was mostly ghosts, but sometimes there was a vampire or a werewolf to deal with. We usually booked it out of town if we came across a demon. My dad thinks a demon burned down our house when I was four. He’s trying to hunt it down now.”

Castiel stares with wide eyes. “So every scary monster you read about is real?”

“Bigfoot isn’t real.”

Castiel gives a half-hearted laugh. “If demons are real, doesn’t that imply there’s a hell?”

“There is a hell.”

“And a heaven?” Castiel asks.

Dean sighs. “That, I don’t know about. Angels aren’t real.”

“How do you know that?”

“I’ve never seen one and no hunter I’ve talked to has ever seen one either.” Dean stands up slowly. “Either way, we’re safe now. Let’s go back to bed.”

Castiel stands up and sighs. “We’re going to have a lot of cleanup to do tomorrow.”

“Yeah. I’ll go get some spackle to repair the holes in the walls too. I saw the paint can for the color on the walls in the shed back when we fixed up the yard. I’ll do some painting too.” Dean leads the way back to the bedroom and closes the door once Castiel is inside. 

Castiel climbs into bed. “I don’t know if I can sleep after that. I’m still wired.”

“I know you haven’t been sleeping lately. You look exhausted. Just lie still with me and see what happens.” Dean lays down in bed and waits for Castiel to lay down as well. 

Castiel lays down beside Dean and accepts the arm around him. He closes his eyes tightly as the voices start up again. 

Dean gently strokes Castiel’s hair and closes his eyes. “We’re safe.”

Castiel shakes his head and sits up. The voices are louder now, at a near shout. “I don’t want to sleep.” He holds his head in his hands, rocking back and forth. 

“Hey, I know what just happened was really scary, but I promise we’re safe now. I won’t let anything happen to you.” Dean sits up and puts a hand on Castiel’s back. 

Castiel looks at Dean, trying to ground himself from his fear. He feels like he’s underwater, slowly floating down and away from safety. Dean is at the surface, just within Castiel’s reach. Castiel takes a deep breath and lays down on his back. “You sleep. I’ll try too.”

Dean shakes his head. “I’ll stay up with you. Do you want it to be quiet or do you want me to turn on Netflix?”

Castiel considers that for a moment. “Netflix.”

Dean grabs his laptop off of the bedside table and sets it up between them. For simplicity and humor, he turns on The Office. It’s a comfort show for both of them. Castiel watches the show and does his best to ignore the voices that are coming and going. In his head, he holds himself just at the surface of the water, kicking to keep from drowning. Dean is right there with him, and for the time being, he feels he can conquer these metaphorical demons.


	14. Chapter 14

The next day, Castiel and Dean clean the apartment. They put away all of their kitchen items and sweep up the broken glass and ceramic pieces from bowls and plates. They make a shopping trip for spackle to repair the holes in the wall, and new plates and bowls. 

It’s quiet for Castiel today. There’s whispers, but nothing he can’t handle. He stays calm throughout the day and feels a little better, despite not sleeping at all after the poltergeist encounter in the middle of the night. Cleaning and staying distracted with Dean helps. 

In the evening, the shouting in his head starts again. He hides in his room to keep Dean from seeing how much it’s affecting him. He holds his head in his hands and paces around the room. He hears his own name shouted over and over. He hits the heel of his hand against the side of his head. It grows louder, so loud that Castiel can’t hear anything else. 

It finally subsides just as a few friends come over, just Meg and Gabriel. Castiel emerges from his room with bags under his eyes. He’s in old jeans and a t-shirt, which make him look even more disheveled. Meg and Gabriel look at him funny, but stop when Castiel insists that he’s fine. 

They order in a pizza for dinner and sit around the living room, chatting about classes and school in general. Gabriel is watching Castiel the whole time. It makes Castiel feel like Gabriel knows something, and it’s off-putting to say the least. 

After everyone finishes their pizza, Castiel’s tinnitus flares up horribly. He tries to hide the pain at first, but soon he’s doubled over, covering his ears and trembling slightly. Meg rushes over to him, gently holding him and rubbing his back.

“Castiel? What’s going on?” Meg asks.

“It’s his tinnitus. It’s been really bad lately. Health services think it’s migraines. I’ll go grab his pills for it,” Dean answers, leaving the room.

Gabriel stands up and walks over to Castiel. “Hey, you good?” The moment his hand touches Castiel’s shoulder, the ringing stops. 

Castiel takes his hands off of his ears and looks at Gabriel. “Yeah, I am now. It’s gone.” He blinks. That was a really short episode. 

Dean returns with a glass of water and a pill bottle in hand. “Is it over already?”

Castiel nods. “Yeah, it stopped.”

“Do you still want the meds?”

Castiel nods and holds his hands out. He takes one of the pills with the water Dean brought. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” Dean sits back down on the couch. 

Meg looks at Castiel. “Hey, are you doing alright? How long has that been happening?”

Castiel sighs. “Weeks. Maybe a little more than a month. It’s really annoying.”

“How come you didn’t tell me about it?”

Castiel chews the inside of his cheek. “I don’t know. I didn’t really want anyone to know. Dean knows because he lives with me and sees it happen. It’s happened in class a couple times, so two of my professors and a bunch of my classmates know, which isn’t ideal.”

Gabriel sits back down in his chair. “Is it just ringing in your ears?”

Castiel nods. There’s no way he’s announcing to everyone in the room that he’s hearing voices. “Yeah, it’s just so loud that it hurts. It gives me a massive headache, so I have over-the-counter migraine meds to help. It never lasts for more than a few minutes so I have no idea if the meds help or not. Either way, it’s a nuisance.”

“I imagine so.” Gabriel stares at Castiel for a few seconds before looking back at Dean. “So how’s that one class going? Still kicking your ass?”

Dean groans. “Yes. I love it but the amount of work we have is torture.”

Castiel smiles softly as the attention moves off of him. Meg stays sitting next to him on the couch instead of moving back to her chair. She’s a little more touchy-feely with Castiel today, enough that it’s noticeable. Castiel looks at her and she smiles in a way that isn’t herself. Castiel wonders if she’s really that worried that she’s acting differently. Maybe he should go to her apartment tomorrow to talk to her about everything. She would understand if he told her about the voices. Maybe she could help. 

Meg and Gabriel head out about an hour later, leaving Castiel and Dean alone. It’s late, so they decide to go to bed. They go to their own rooms tonight, as they did on a usual night. Sleeping together was nice, but they like to have their own rooms most of the time. Maybe later down the line they’ll sleep together more, but their relationship isn’t even a year old, so they mostly sleep apart.

Castiel enjoys the silence for a little while. Ever since the tinnitus episode an hour ago, everything has been quiet. It’s a relief to say the least. He showers and puts on pajamas, climbing into bed with confidence that he’ll be able to sleep. He lays down and closes his eyes. His exhausted, sleep-deprived body falls into a deep sleep with ease. 

At about one am, the voices come back with a vengeance. They sound angry this time, screaming at Castiel to come back to them or he’ll pay the price. Castiel shoots up and holds his head, eyes wide and body tense. He rocks back and forth, willing the voices to go away. Tears well up in his eyes and he can’t take it anymore. 

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” He shouts, gripping his own hair in his hands. Tears slip from his eyes and roll down his cheeks, wetting the blankets still covering his lower half. “Leave me alone! Please, please just shut up! Shut up!”

“Cas!”

Castiel hears Dean’s voice, but he doesn’t have the courage to face him. He cries harder, pulling on his own hair. He feels hands on his own, untangling his fingers from his hair. He grabs the hands and holds them tightly instead of pulling his hair. The voices continue to shout at him. “Please! Leave me alone! Shut up!”

Dean tries to let go of Castiel’s hands to back off, but Castiel’s grip is tight on him. “Are you talking to me? Cas, what’s going on?”

Castiel’s body shakes as he heaves out a sob. “They won’t leave me alone!”

“Who won’t?”

Castiel sniffs and starts crying even harder. All the fear comes bubbling to the surface and he hangs on to Dean for dear life to keep from going under. “T-The voices…” 

“Voices? You’re hearing voices?”

Castiel nods and hangs on to Dean. “I’m not crazy! Please, please don’t let go.” Castiel’s grip on Dean’s hands tightens even more. “I feel like I’m drowning. I’m going under and nothing is going to be able to pull me out.”

There’s a moment of silence before Dean’s hands close a little tighter around Castiel’s. “I’m not going anywhere, okay? Just talk me through what’s going on. I’m here.”

The voices start to quiet down, making it easier for Castiel to speak. “It starts with ringing in my ears, and then I hear voices. They’re demanding that I come home, or that I come to them. They shout my name over and over. It comes and goes. It gets loud sometimes, and sometimes they just whisper.”

“How long have you been hearing them?”

“A few weeks, I think. Remember when the tinnitus started getting really bad and I went to health services? It was back then when I heard them for the first time.” Castiel wipes his eyes on his shoulder and sniffles. He finally opens his eyes and looks at Dean. “You think I’m insane.”

“I don’t think you’re insane. I have a theory. Sometimes ghosts get in people’s heads like that. I’m thinking our poltergeist is doing this to you. It may not be completely gone. There’s things we can do to get rid of it, and maybe that will make the voices stop.”

“I thought the bags we put in the wall got rid of it.”

“Well, that usually works. Sometimes it doesn’t. Poltergeists start as ghosts, meaning it was a person at some point. If we figure out who, we can salt and burn the remains and it’ll go away.” Dean squeezes Castiel’s hands. “We’ll fix this, I promise. You should have told me sooner.”

“I was scared. I thought I’d get tossed in the loony bin if I told anyone.” Castiel’s grip lightens as he calms down. 

“That’s a reasonable fear. But I’m not going to let that happen to you. If it is really something mental, we’ll figure that out too. Tons of people do alright with auditory or even visual hallucinations. It’s more common that you’d think. You don’t have to be locked away for it. But, I think it’s our poltergeist. I think it’s attached itself to you for some reason and we can stop it.” Dean offers a small smile. 

Castiel takes in a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “I think I’m going to talk to Meg tomorrow too. I think she’d understand.”

“I think she would too. You need a support system here. Meg is a good friend. She’ll help you too.” Dean squeezes Castiel’s hands. “Do you want to come to my room? You can stay in there until we get this figured out. I feel bad that you’re in your room by yourself trying to deal with this.”

Castiel nods. “I wanted to stay with you through this, but I was so afraid of you finding out.”

“I know. Let’s just get in bed and try to get some rest, okay? Neither of us slept much yesterday. I can function on four hours a night, but I don’t think you should try that method out. Come on.” 

Castiel lets go of one of Dean’s hands and follows him out of his own room. He rubs his eyes and sighs. A big weight is off of his shoulders now. He knows it’ll feel even better tomorrow when he talks to Meg about all of this. She’s his best friend and always has good advice.

Dean climbs into bed and pulls the sheet and quilt over both of them. “If you can’t sleep, just let me know. I’d rather stay up and help you than just lay here and sleep through it.”

Castiel nods and lies down next to Dean. “Okay. Thank you.” He closes his eyes, appreciating the silence in his head right now. 

Dean puts an arm over Castiel and kisses his forehead. “I’m going to do some research tomorrow and help you get this figured out. It’s going to be okay.”

Castiel nods a little and finds Dean’s other hand, holding it gently. “Thank you for understanding. I love you.”

“I love you too. Goodnight.” 

Castiel takes his chance while there’s still silence to fall asleep. He drifts off with ease, falling into a deep slumber.

The next morning, Castiel wakes up somewhat well-rested. He hears whispers, but it’s nothing he’s not used to at this point. He eats breakfast at the table with Dean and reluctantly gets dressed. To clear his head, he rides his bike around campus for a while. It’s the last day of spring break now, so he enjoys the empty space to ride around. 

When he gets close to the area of her apartment, he texts Meg, asking her if he can come over. He gets a response almost immediately, so he bikes over to her apartment. 

Castiel locks his bike at the rack outside the building and walks up the stairs to the door. He sticks his hands in his pockets and ignores the voices that are at speaking level now. They don’t seem to be getting any louder, so he doesn’t worry about it too much. He knocks on Meg’s door and waits for an answer. 

Meg opens the door and smiles. “Castiel! Come in!” 

Castiel takes note of how bubbly she’s being and walks into the apartment. He follows her back to her bedroom and works up a little courage. “I need to tell you about something.”

Meg sits on the edge of her bed. “I know. What is it?”

Castiel sits in the desk chair and takes a deep breath. “I’ve been hearing voices for the past few weeks. It kind of goes with my tinnitus. My ears ring and then I hear them.”

Meg tilts her head. “What are they saying?”

“They say my name a lot. They ask me to come back or to come home.”

“Do you answer?”

Castiel furrows his brows. “Um, no? They’re just voices in my head.”

“Maybe they’re not, Castiel. What if-”

“You don’t call me by my full name. Ever. What’s going on?” Castiel stares at his friend, trying to figure out what’s so different about her. 

Meg’s smile fades. “Hm. Ever the observant one. Regardless, I have you where I want you.” She stands up and pulls a switchblade from her back pocket, flipping it open.

Castiel backs up as far as he can. “Meg! What the fuck?! Put the knife away!”

“It’s not Meg anymore, dear.” Her eyes flash black and Castiel’s stomach sinks. 

“Get away from me!” Castiel gets up to run away, but something grabs him and pins him to the wall. 

Meg, or whatever she is, walks up to Castiel, holding the knife up to his neck. “I never thought I’d get the chance to kill you, angel boy. Do you remember how many of us you’ve killed?”

Castiel’s eyes lock on the knife and he tries to pull away from whatever’s holding him. “I have no idea what you’re talking about! I’ve never killed anyone!”

“And you’re human too. I’m going to bleed you like a stuck pig,” She snaps. 

Before she does anything, Gabriel appears out of nowhere behind her and puts a hand on the back of her head. A cloud of black smoke comes billowing out of her mouth. Castiel finds that he’s not pinned anymore, but he’s too scared to move. He watches as his friend falls to the floor and then meets Gabriel’s eyes. 

Gabriel looks right back at Castiel. “We need to talk, kiddo.”


	15. Chapter 15

“How did you get in here?” Castiel asks, still flattened against the wall in fear. 

“Really? You just watched me exorcise a demon out of your best friend and that’s your first question?” Gabriel picks Meg up and lays her down on the bed. “She’s fine, by the way.”

Castiel swallows. “Well it wasn’t my only question.” He pulls himself off the wall. “Did you say she was a demon?”

“She got possessed a few days ago, I think. We’ll have to ask her what she remembers to figure out when it happened.” Gabriel sits down on the edge of the bed and points to the chair. “You’re going to want to sit down for this, buddy.”

Castiel slowly moves over to the chair. “You still haven’t told me how you got in here.”

“Let’s handle one bombshell at a time.” Gabriel produces a lollipop seemingly out of thin air. “Now, I don’t usually get involved with this stuff, ever. But, heaven is full of douchebags and this was majorly fucked up on their part.”

“You’re not making any sense.”

“Cas, you used to be an angel.”

Castiel’s eyes widen and he stares at Gabriel tentatively. “Angels aren’t real.”

Gabriel chuckles. “Who told you that? Dean? Of course a hunter doesn’t think angels are real.”

Castiel swallows. “How do you know about that?”

“I know about everything.” Gabriel sticks the lollipop in his mouth. 

“Who are you?”

Gabriel smiles. “That’s a good question. I’m exactly who I said I was. I’m Gabriel.”

Years of a religious upbringing finally pay off. “Wait, like the angel Gabriel?”

“Archangel, and yes.” Gabriel leans forward, resting an arm over his legs. “We were friends, actually, when you were an angel. That’s why I’ve been following you for your whole life.”

Castiel raises his brows. “My whole life?”

“Yeah, it wasn’t hard. I was the mailman and I went to your church every Sunday. I even taught your kindergarten class.”

“Then why don’t I recognize you? You look nothing like anyone I’ve ever met.” 

Gabriel smiles. “This isn’t my only face, kiddo. I only look like this so I can infiltrate the college.”

Castiel tries to absorb what he’s hearing. “If I’m an angel, then why am I human now? I can’t remember anything about it either.”

Gabriel taps his finger against the lollipop stick that’s hanging out of his mouth. “That’s by design. See, there’s a few angels who are mega douchebags. Two of them are Zachariah and Naomi. They do messed up stuff all the time, including torture and experiments. You are their latest experiment. You were Castiel, one of heaven’s best soldiers. You started to question your orders when they weren’t so righteous. Zachariah and Naomi trapped you, wiped your memories, and stole your grace. They made you human and gave you the body of an infant.”

A lightbulb goes off in Castiel’s head. His parents had always called him their ‘miracle from heaven.’ “Did they just...hand me to my parents?”

“They did. They picked a couple that couldn’t have their own kids so that you’d most likely be an only child.”

“So, why? I questioned a few orders and they sent me here?”

“They wanted you to see the pain of humanity, which I think has backfired because you seem pretty happy with your life. They’re expecting you to want to come back,” Gabriel explains.

“Wait, that’s the voices in my head? Angels telling me to come back?”

“Yup. It started with the tinnitus, didn’t it? That’s them too. You’ve been able to hear them your whole life. They’re just getting louder now because they’re about to try and win you back.”

“What does that mean? I just leave my life behind?” Castiel asks, tilting his head. 

“Pretty much. Either Zachariah or Naomi are going to approach you and try to get you to reabsorb your grace and return to heaven as their perfect soldier.”

“I don’t think I want that. At all.”

Gabriel nods. “I knew their plan would backfire. Look, you can refuse them. Just tell them you want to keep your human life. Rub it in their faces how happy you are just so I know that you got back at them.”

Castiel takes a shaky breath. “And they’ll just let me stay here?”

Gabriel sighs. “Probably not. The key is going to be that they don’t catch you alone. If I’m there, they won’t touch you. I could obliterate both of them. If they do catch you, just pray to me, even if it’s just in your head. I’ll hear you.”

Castiel nods and takes a deep breath. “This all makes my life feel a little pointless.”

Gabriel shakes his head. “Don’t say that. All human lives have meaning. That’s a message heaven lost a long time ago. If you decide you want to be an angel again, come stick it out with me. Ditch heaven and all of those assholes. I get up to some fun shenanigans and you can come along.”

Castiel sighs. “I can’t just leave my life behind. I had plans, things I wanted to do. And I can’t just leave Dean.”

Gabriel smiles softly. “You know, heaven has had some influence on your life. Part of it was the poltergeist in your house. Yes, I know about that too. They put that there hoping that you’d leave Dean. They thought that you’d think he was crazy. They can’t interfere much, but I know they’re trying to break you two up. The voices are another part. They thought that if you told Dean about them, that he would leave.”

“Why do they want us to break up so badly?”

“Because he makes you more human. To be human is to love. The more you love him, the less likely you are to give up your life as a human.” Gabriel sits forward a little. “Whatever you decide, you’ve got me. I’ll stick around for your human life, and I’ll stick around if you decide to go back to your angel life.”

Castiel sighs and runs a hand through his own hair. “This is a lot to process.”

“I know. Go home and think about it. I’ll stay with Meg until she wakes up.”

“What are you going to tell her?”

“That I’m an angel and she was possessed. Then I’ll offer to wipe her memory so she won’t remember being possessed. She’ll probably say yes. It’s usually not a pleasant memory to have.”

Castiel nods and stands up. “Thanks for telling me all of this. I can’t imagine what this would have been like if I was alone. It’s good to know I’m not crazy.”

Gabriel smiles softly. “No problem, kiddo. Take care and call if you need me.”

“I will.” Castiel leaves Meg’s bedroom and walks out of her apartment. As soon as he’s outside, the thought hits him: what is he supposed to tell Dean? He swallows and gets on his bike, riding it back to the house. 

As he walks up to the door, he tries to think of what to say. There really was no easy way of saying it, so Castiel gives up and decides to wing it. He walks into the house and sees Dean sitting on the couch. 

“Hey, Cas. Did you have a good bike ride?”

Castiel nods and leans his bike against the wall. “Yeah.” He swallows thickly. “I went to see Meg too.”

Dean frowns. “What happened?”

Castiel walks over to the couch and sits down. “A lot. Long story short I know where the voices are coming from now, and it’s not the poltergeist.”

Dean blinks a few times, surprised. “Where are they coming from?”

Castiel takes a deep breath. “So when I got to Meg’s apartment, she was acting weird. She wasn’t herself. I finally said something and then she turned. She pulled a knife on me and some invisible force held me to the wall. Her eyes turned black and she talked about killing me. Then Gabriel appears and black smoke goes everywhere. Meg is fine. She was possessed. Gabriel starts talking to me and tells me everything. He’s the angel Gabriel, or archangel, I think that’s what he said.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. No way. Did he do anything to prove this to you?”

“He made a lollipop appear out of thin air and he knew everything about me. He’s been following me around my whole life.”

Dean shakes his head. “Angels aren’t real, Cas. He’s probably possessed by some big time demon.”

“He told me that I was an angel before my human life started. It’s some sick experiment run by two douchebag angels. They took my grace, which turned me human, then gave me to my parents. The voices in my head are the angels calling me back home. The tinnitus was them too. My whole life, I’ve been able to hear angels talk.”

Dean stares at Castiel with wide eyes. “And you believe him?”

“It makes sense. I don’t see why Gabriel would lie about his identity.”

“I do! He’s probably a demon trying to get you to make some deal! You’ll end up selling your soul for a pair of white fluffy wings and a halo.”

Castiel frowns. “Why don’t you trust me on this?”

“Because I’ve been around, Cas. These kinds of things don’t go the way you think they’re going to go.”

Castiel frowns. He decides to bring in someone better at convincing than himself. He feels a little weird praying to Gabriel in his head, but it’s his only option now. Seconds pass and there’s a flutter of wings as Gabriel appears. 

“Let me guess, a thick-skulled hunter doesn’t believe in angels just because he’s never seen one.” Gabriel hums. 

Dean flattens himself against the couch. “How did you get in here? What are you?”

Gabriel smiles. “Cas called me here. And I’m guessing he already told you who I am. I’m the archangel Gabriel.”

“Prove it.” Dean stares at Gabriel like he’s a monster. He’s more scared than Castiel has ever seen him. 

Gabriel sighs and the lights in the room come on without anyone touching the switches. His eyes glow a soft blue and the shadow of six massive wings appears behind him. He only shows off for a few seconds before stopping. “That enough proof for you? I get it. Hunters don’t think angels are real because angels don’t usually come to earth. I’m an exception.”

Dean swallows thickly. He’s still flattened against the couch. “What happens if I throw holy water at you?”

Gabriel chuckles. “If it’ll make you feel better, go ahead.”

Dean slowly rises from the couch and moves backwards towards his bedroom. He disappears momentarily before emerging with the same duffel Castiel saw him grab when the poltergeist attacked. Dean pulls out a large water bottle and approaches Gabriel. He tosses some of the water at him and backs up again.

Gabriel stares at his now wet shirt. He looks at Dean. “Feel better?” 

Dean shakes his head. He pulls another object out of the bag and unsheathes a deadly-looking silver knife. 

Gabriel nods and grins. “Right, silver. You know your stuff. Hand it here.” He holds his hand out. 

Dean shakes his head. “I’m not stupid. I’ll do it myself. Give me your arm.” 

Gabriel rolls his eyes and rolls up his sleeve, exposing his arm to Dean. “The silver isn’t going to hurt me either. There’s nothing in that bag of yours that’s going to put a dent in me.”

Dean shrugs. “Can never be too sure.” He grabs Gabriel’s wrist and drags the blade over his arm. The cut immediately heals itself, which spooks Dean even more. “What the hell?”

“Self-healing. I can heal you too. For example, you have a concussion. You haven’t said anything about the headaches yet, but I know it’s bothering you.”

Dean huffs. “Get out of my head!”

Gabriel reaches out and touches two fingers to Dean’s forehead. “There, you’re healed. You’re welcome.”

Dean flinches and backs up. He straightens a bit, staring at Gabriel warily.

Castiel watches Dean. “You didn’t tell me your head was hurting. I should have known, you got hit in the head with a pan.”

Dean sighs. “Well, it doesn’t hurt anymore.” 

Gabriel crosses his arms. “Are you done yet?”

Dean takes a deep breath. “So, you’re really an angel?”

“Archangel.”

“What’s the difference?” Dean asks.

Gabriel looks at Dean like he’s spouted a second head. “The big four. Michael, Lucifer, Raphael, and Gabriel. Four archangels to help rule heaven. Of course, one is locked in a box in hell, you already know which one that is.”

Castiel stands up from the couch. “What about the others?”

Gabriel turns his head to Castiel. “Michael is pretty much in charge of heaven, but he’s not super attentive, so we end up with douchebags. Raphael is somewhat dormant right now. He usually leads the garrison, but the garrison hasn’t done anything in millennia.”

“So that’s why hunters have never seen angels? You’ve all been hiding up in the clouds?” Dean asks, crossing his arms.

Gabriel nods. “We were instructed to take a step back from Earth to let humanity do as it pleased. I’ve been on Earth. I don’t associate with Heaven, which is why I’m helping Castiel. I’m actively defying two higher-up angel’s orders by doing so.”

Castiel frowns. “But you’re an archangel, can’t you make them stop?”

Gabriel shakes his head. “Like I said, I’m not associated with Heaven. I never get involved. I’m only doing it now because you were my friend and I hated them for putting you in this position.”

Dean looks between them. “What position?”

Castiel sighs. “The two angels who did this, they want me back. They’re going to try and convince me to go back to Heaven.”

Dean frowns deeply. “Are you going to?”

Castiel wants to say no, but there’s a part of him that wonders if his destiny is to go back to Heaven. He could stay with Gabriel and make a big difference in the world. They could save people and keep douchebag angels out of trouble. The other part of Castiel feels too attached to his current life to leave. He has plans for his future, giving all of that up sounds impossible. He couldn’t possibly leave Dean, right? Was being an angel and helping the world more important than his boyfriend? “I…I don’t know.”

Something shifts in Dean’s face. It’s almost like a part of him just broke. He doesn’t say anything, he just storms off to his bedroom and slams the door.

Castiel runs after him. “Dean! Wait!” He stops at his door. “I don’t want to leave you.” There’s no response.

Gabriel sighs and sticks his hands in his pockets, rocking back and forth from his heel to the ball of his foot. “I should leave you two to talk. If anything happens, just give me a call.”

Castiel nods and rubs his hands over his face. “Okay. Thank you.” He pauses. “Wait, how’s Meg?” 

“She’s fine. Memory wiped, so she’s not going to remember being possessed at all.”

Castiel nods and sighs. “That’s good. Thanks.” He hears a flutter of wings as he sits down outside Dean’s door. He leans against the doorframe and resigns himself to waiting until Dean comes out.


	16. Chapter 16

Castiel takes the time he spends outside of Dean’s door thinking about his decision. He has no idea when Zachariah or Naomi will come for him. In the meantime, the voices aren’t bothering him as much. Even when he hears them, he doesn’t freak out. He knows what they are now, so they don’t scare him as much. He knows he’s not crazy now.

Hours pass as Castiel ponders what to do. As much as he wants to keep his current life, something is pulling him to ditch everything and become an angel. He even has a thought. What if he does become an angel and he keeps his current life? He could still be with Dean and live out his career dreams while doing angel stuff with Gabriel.

Castiel starts to fall asleep outside Dean’s door as the sun sets. He closes his eyes and begins to doze for a few minutes.

The door opens and Castiel’s eyes shoot open when Dean’s feet collide with his outstretched legs. There’s a thud and Castiel sees Dean on the floor.

“Jesus, Cas! Have you been there the whole time?” Dean rubs his hands together, having caught himself on them.

Castiel nods and turns. “Are you okay? I didn’t mean to trip you.”

“I’m fine.” Dean stands up and starts walking to the kitchen.

Castiel scrambles to his feet. “Dean, I get why you’re upset. I just- “

Dean turns around. “Cas, you just admitted that you’re considering breaking up with me to go be a monster! Of fucking course I’m upset!”

Castiel furrows his brows. “A monster? Angels aren’t monsters.”

“They’re not human.” Dean crosses his arms tightly. He looks angry, but he wears his heart on his sleeve. He’s heartbroken.

“So, anything that isn’t human is a monster?”

“In my experience, yes.”

Castiel sighs. “I had an idea. I could have both. I become an angel again, defy Heaven and go off on my own, and keep this life. I can stay with you, stay in school, and still do angel stuff with Gabriel.”

Dean shakes his head. “If that’s what you want, I’m out. If you’re an angel, you’re immortal from my knowledge. You’ll never age, you’ll never die. I’ll get old and die and you’ll still be here. Why would you ever want that?”

Castiel swallows. “I could do a lot of good. I could save people.”

Dean looks away. “You know, that’s what I thought I was doing when I was hunting. I did save a lot of people. There are people that are alive now because of me. But it’s a power trip. I was killing things left and right because I deemed it just. No one should have that kind of power, not even for good. Also, I would have died an early death. I risked my life every day I hunted. Every time I went out there, that could have been the end. I had some close calls too. I know there was good in what I was doing, but I had enough of the self-sacrificial bullshit. Even at seventeen, I knew I needed to stop. You’re about to sacrifice your own happiness for a job that isn’t yours.”

“Then whose job is it? Whose job is it to hunt?”

“Hunters usually have nothing to lose. They’re old men and women with hardened lives that make them leave peace behind. They’re good at what they do. I had a chance at a different life, one that makes me happy, and I took it. I only hunted for two years of my life, from the age of fifteen to seventeen, but those two years changed me. I’ve seen more than anyone should ever see. I couldn’t save everyone, no matter how hard I tried. If you take on a life like that, you won’t be able to save everyone. People are going to die in your hands, and it’ll stick with you forever. You’re such a happy person, Castiel. You’re throwing that away when you take that responsibility. I won’t be around to watch that happen. My heart can’t take it.” Dean wipes at his eyes. “You mean too much to me for me to watch you harden into someone else.”

Castiel feels tears welling up in his eyes. “You know I love you. I can’t leave you.”

Dean sniffs. “Whatever you decide, I’ll respect it. But I can’t be with someone who isn’t going to live a life with me. Being an immortal angel isn’t living a life anymore, even if you pretend to be human.”

Castiel wipes a tear that rolls down his cheek. “You…You’ve changed me. I’ve never known what it’s like to love someone like I love you. It makes me feel so raw and exposed, yet so safe. It makes me feel like a live wire, stripped and sparking. I never thought I could feel like this, not with anyone. I’d do anything to keep you in my life.”

“Even give up being an angel? Being immortal? Look, I get it. I’d be torn too. I just need to know what you choose. I can’t sit around forever and just hope that you’ll stay. It hurts too much. It’s killing me right now.” A tear rolls down Dean’s cheek and he hastily wipes it away. 

Castiel wipes away the tears rolling down his own face. “It’s...It’s too much. It’s too big.”

Dean holds a hand out. “Then let me help you. We’ll fight those douchebag angels together. They can’t make you into their perfect little soldier again.”

Castiel walks up to Dean and throws his arms around him. “I’m sorry this is happening.”

“It’s okay. It’s out of your control, I know.” Dean hugs Castiel back tightly. “So, you’ll stay? You’ll stay human?”

Castiel nods against Dean’s shoulder. In his head, he’s still not sure what he wants. All he knows is that if he doesn’t say yes to being human now, Dean will leave him. It’s not exactly a lie. This very well may be his choice. It’s his most likely choice, but there’s still a part of him that’s drawn to becoming an angel again. “I’ll stay.”

Dean squeezes Castiel in his arms. He lets out a sigh of relief. “Don’t scare me like that again. I can’t lose you, Cas.”

“I can’t lose you either.” Castiel keeps his face buried in Dean’s neck. They stay there for nearly a minute, holding each other tightly. Castiel is the first to back away. “Gabriel told me to look out. Zachariah or Naomi could come for me at any minute. He said to call him whenever that happens.”

“And Zachariah and Naomi are the two douchebags who did this to you in the first place?”

Castiel nods.

Dean pauses. “How are you going to call Gabriel? They’re probably not going to let you get to your phone.”

“The same way I called him earlier today. I pray to him. It sounds weird when I say it like that so I’ve been referring to it as a call,” Castiel explains. 

Dean raises his brows. “Oh. I guess you’ll be able to do that in your head, so he can get to you no matter what.”

“Yeah, that’s what I hope.”

Dean looks at his duffel on the floor. “I’ll defend you if they come, but I don’t think I can hurt them. Gabriel said that nothing in my bag would do anything.”

Castiel shrugs. “Gabriel said he could take them out, so I think we’ll be alright.”

Dean looks at the time. “It’s getting late. Did you eat dinner?”

Castiel shakes his head. “Not yet.”

“Let’s order a pizza. I’m too tired to cook.” Dean takes Castiel’s hand and leads him to the couch. 

Castiel sits down and sighs heavily. He takes out his phone. “I think I’m going to call my parents and ask them about where I came from.”

Dean nods. “Have they ever said anything about it?”

“No, except they’ve always called me their ‘miracle from Heaven.’”

“Oh.”

Castiel calls his mother and puts the phone to his ear. It rings twice before it picks up.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Mom. How are you?” Castiel settles back on the couch, glancing over to see Dean ordering the pizza on his phone.

“I’m fine, how are you?”

“I’m good. I just have a question.”

“Okay, what is it?”

“Where did I come from?” 

There’s a brief pause. “You’re our miracle from Heaven.”

“I know. You’ve said that before. But where exactly did I come from?” Castiel feels a little bad for asking since he already knows the answer, but he needs to know what his parents thought happened. 

“Well, the angels gave you to us.”

“They just handed me to you?”

“They did. They handed you to us and told us your name. They’ve come to you, haven’t they?”

Castiel raises his brows. “Kind of, yeah.”

“When they gave you to us, they said that you’d come home to them one day. I didn’t think it would be this soon, but that’s okay. They said that you would join them as an angel.”

Castiel’s eyes widen. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

She sighs. “We didn’t want to scare you. To tell you the truth, it scared us. Before we had you, your father and I weren’t religious. We were both agnostic. We didn’t believe the angels when they first arrived, but they gave us signs, little miracles in our lives. Then you came, our biggest miracle. We had been trying for children for seven years, you already know that. Once we had you and we knew angels were real, we started going to church every Sunday to thank Heaven for you.”

Castiel takes a moment to process what he’s just heard. “You never told me any of that.”

“Like I said, we didn’t want to scare you. We wanted you to have a normal life for as long as possible. Now you can return to Heaven as an angel.”

Castiel shifts. “Well, I’m not sure I’m going anywhere. I don’t want to leave my life behind.”

“Whatever you decide, your father and I will support you, okay?”

“Okay. Thanks, Mom.”

“You’re welcome my dear. I love you.”

“Love you too. Bye.” Castiel hangs up the phone call and lets out a long sigh. “They knew. The angels literally just handed me to them, told them my name, and told them that I’d return to Heaven one day.”

Dean looks at Castiel. “Whoa.”

“And apparently my parents were agnostic before they had me. They only became really religious because it was literally proven to them.”

Dean leans back on the couch. “Wow. That’s a lot to take in.”

Castiel rubs his head. The voices are getting louder. “Yeah. Today’s been really heavy.”

Dean wraps an arm around Castiel. “I know. You can relax a little now. I doubt you’re going to get anymore bombshells today.”

Castiel leans against Dean and closes his eyes. “I hope not.” He sighs. “It’s getting loud again.”

Dean rubs Castiel’s arm. “You don’t seem as upset about the voices as you were before.”

“Well now I know I’m not crazy, and I know where they’re coming from. It makes them less scary.” He brings his hands up and covers his ears. “They’re just really loud.” He can tell he’s speaking louder now.

Dean holds him close. “I know. I’ve got you.”

Castiel leans against Dean and waits for the voices to pass. He squeezes his eyes shut and tries to relax. A few minutes pass and the voices start to calm back down again. Castiel opens his eyes and looks up at Dean. “They’re going away.”

Dean kisses the top of Castiel’s head. “Good.”

The pizza arrives about twenty minutes later. Both of them eat quickly, hungry from missing dinner time. Castiel stays quiet, trying to think over his decision. He can’t deny that he’s drawn to being an angel. Maybe it’s the part of him that used to be an angel that’s pulling him towards that choice. 

Castiel goes to his own room once they’re done eating, telling Dean that he’s tired. He closes his door and rubs a hand over his face. He needs to talk this out with someone, and he only knows one person.

“You good, kiddo?” Gabriel appears, sitting on Castiel’s bed.

Castiel shakes his head. “I have no idea what to do.”

Gabriel pats the bed. “Talk me through it.”

Castiel sits down on the bed and leans against the headboard. “I know I really don’t want to leave my life behind. I love what I have going here. But there’s this part of me that’s drawn to being an angel. It feels like my destiny or something.”

Gabriel nods. “Well, in a way, it is your destiny. It’s what you’re supposed to do. But you know what I say? Fuck destiny. Fuck the plan Heaven has for you. You have to do what makes you happy.”

Castiel sighs. “When I was talking to Dean, I said that I could save people. He told me that a life of saving people would ruin my happiness, because I wouldn’t be able to save everyone.”

“He’s kind of right. You may be happy every time you save someone, but you’re going to be devastated every time you fail, and you will fail. Not even angels can save everyone.”

Castiel nods. “So what do I do?”

Gabriel smiles softly. “I can’t tell you. Look, I used to be a big believer in destiny. There’s a time in my life that I would have told you that you have to take your grace back because it’s what you’re supposed to do. Now, I believe in free will. It’s actually because of you. You would rant to me about your orders, and you preached that you should have the free will to complete whatever missions you wanted. You convinced me. So now the decision is up to you. You need to do what you feel is right. Either way, I’ll be here to support you.”

Castiel listens and looks away. “I don’t want to give up my life.”

“Then don’t.”

Castiel nods. “You’re right. I won’t be happy as an angel. Not to mention that I’d lose Dean, so I guess that makes it a no-brainer, huh?”

“I guess so.” Gabriel smiles a bit. “Honestly, I prefer you as a human. You have so much passion, it’s amazing to see.”

Castiel smiles a bit. “Thanks.”

Gabriel pats Castiel on the shoulder. “Call me when they come for you, okay? You can’t face them alone, you’ll lose.”

Castiel nods. “I will.” He blinks and Gabriel is gone. He lays down and stares up at the ceiling. With his decision made, he feels content. Sleep comes easily.


	17. Chapter 17

Classes start up again the next day. Castiel rides his bike to campus like he always does. The day is warm and the sky is cloudless. There’s some fear lingering in Castiel’s head. He knows that the angels will come for him, it’s a matter of when. In the meantime, he goes to class. 

This writing class has never been his favorite. His professor, Dr. Adler, is a really hard grader. He gives them obscure assignments that are hard to fulfill. Castiel powers through, knowing that he’s learning because of it. When the lecture ends, Castiel starts packing up his things. 

“Mr. Novak, could you stay after to talk with me?” Dr. Adler makes eye contact with Castiel. His stern face doesn’t look very forgiving and Castiel wonders if he’s in trouble. 

Once everyone has left, Castiel walks to the front of the classroom and stops at the desk Dr. Adler is sitting at. “Yes?”

“Mr. Novak, have you been feeling well lately?” Dr. Adler stares up at Castiel, hands clasped together in his lap. 

“Um, yeah? Has my work been bad?” Castiel holds one of his backpack straps tightly. He starts to wonder if his latest assignments weren’t up to par. With the voices, he knows his work has slipped a little. 

Dr. Adler stands up, pushing the chair back in. “Not bad, per say, just not where it was before. Has something been going on?”

Castiel sighs. “I’m sorry about that. It’s been a little rough lately, but I can pull it back together.”

“Have you been hearing things?”

Castiel furrows his brows. “What? H-How did you-”

“Lucky guess.” Dr. Adler smiles. “Mind if I show you something?”

Castiel suddenly feels a pull in his gut. Something’s not right. He swallows and holds his backpack a little tighter. “Actually, I have another class to get to, so I should get going.” He turns around to leave, but then there’s a hand on his shoulder. He tries to pull away, but when he blinks, he’s no longer in the classroom. 

In front of him lies a lush green field. Trees are scattered until they cluster together at the end of the field, forming a deep forest. Castiel realizes that his backpack is gone as he turns around. Dr. Adler is still standing there, smiling strangely at him.

“Where am I?”

“Don’t you recognize it, Castiel?” Dr. Adler puts on a smug grin. Castiel knows who he is now. 

“You brought me to Heaven, and you’re Zachariah, aren’t you?” Castiel takes a couple steps back. 

“Clever boy. You were just as smart when you still had your grace.”

Castiel starts calling for Gabriel in his head while he tries to stay calm. “I’m not coming back.”

Zachariah tilts his head. “I know what you’re doing. You know, this is the one place your little friend can’t find you. He knows you’re here, but Heaven is big. It’ll take him hours, maybe even days to find you.”

Castiel’s eyes widen and he swallows thickly. He takes a deep breath to calm himself. “It doesn’t matter. I’m still not doing anything you say.”

“Oh, Castiel, you’ve even kept your rebellious spirit. You were an obedient soldier for eons, but you always had this little bit of disobedience within you. When you finally embraced it and fought back, we did what we had to. This was a lesson.”

“Speaking of ‘we’, where’s your friend? I thought there were two of you,” Castiel says, holding his ground now.

“Naomi? She’s on Earth dealing with your ‘roommate’.” Zachariah gives the air-quotes.

Castiel feels a pit in his stomach form. “No, he didn’t do anything! Please, just leave him out of this!”

Zachariah grins. “We will, for a price.”

Castiel shakes his head. “No. How do you know that once you make me an angel I won’t just rebel again?”

“Because if you do, you’ll have a bounty on your head and all of Heaven will be on your ass. Trust me, that’s a position you don’t want to be in. Once we find you, we’ll torture you until you learn the meaning of obedience again.”

Castiel huffs. “Why don’t you just kill me? Why am I worth all of this trouble?”

Zachariah hums. “You don’t remember, but you were one of the best fighters in the garrison. You won wars, dozens of them. If it weren’t for you, Heaven would have lost wars that could have shaped the fate of the universe.”

“Well I’m done with that now. Find yourself a new soldier and don’t touch Dean.” Castiel realizes something. These angels won’t kill him. They value him too much. They could torture him, but Gabriel would find him eventually. He had the high ground. He takes a few steps closer to Zachariah. 

Zachariah laughs. “There’s that fighting spirit I missed so much. Castiel, don’t you realize that this is what you’re destined for? Your human life means nothing. You’re meant to be here, with us. Don’t you want to have that kind of purpose? Don’t you want to fulfill your destiny?”

Castiel glares. “Fuck destiny.”

“Fine, then your boyfriend dies. I don’t have to lift a finger. You already know angels can communicate without seeing one another. I’ll just tell Naomi to snap his little neck and then you won’t have a reason to stay on Earth anymore.”

Castiel’s resolve breaks. He shakes his head. “No, wait, don’t!”

“Not so plucky when he’s on the line, hm?”

Castiel feels tears welling up in his eyes. He looks around, desperate for a way out. He’s alone, helpless, and out of options. “If I do what you say, Dean lives? You won’t hurt him?”

“Not a single hair on his head.” Zachariah grins smugly. 

Castiel lets out a resigned sigh, tears rolling down his cheeks. “Fine. Make me an angel again.”

Zachariah touches two fingers to Castiel’s forehead, and suddenly Castiel is on the floor of the classroom, lying on his stomach. He opens his eyes and looks around. 

“Why did you bring me back here?”

“I just took your soul on a joyride to Heaven. We need your body to give you back your grace.”

Castiel stands up and leaves his backpack on the floor. He wipes the tears from his eyes and lets out a shaky breath. 

“You know, this pain you’re feeling, it’ll be gone soon. Angels don’t feel emotion, not obedient ones. It’ll be over soon.”

Castiel turns around to face Zachariah and sees him holding a small vial full of brilliant blue light. He gulps and watches as Zachariah upcaps the vial and holds it out. Castiel’s mouth opens and the light flows from the bottle into his mouth. He doesn’t feel much at first, but then the warmth starts. He looks at his hands and sees his skin starting to glow. The warmth becomes searing hot heat and he cries out as the light explodes from his body. Sparks crackle through all of the electronics in the room and the lights go out. The shadow of two massive wings appears behind him as his body glows like a supernova.

When it dies down, the memories start flooding back. Castiel takes several deep breaths as he starts to remember everything. He remembers the wars, the millennia of human history, his own defiance, and even Gabriel. He has a different face in Castiel’s memories, but it’s him. 

Castiel looks to Zachariah for orders, but then something grabs him. He blinks and suddenly he’s getting pelted in the face by pouring rain. He looks around and sees the edge of a cliff that leads down to roaring waters that crash against the side of the cliff. They’re on a tall island that’s about half the size of a football field. He wipes the water from his face and looks over his shoulder to see Gabriel and Dean.

“Cas!” Dean runs over to Castiel and hugs him tightly. “Dude, you won’t believe what just happened.” He has to shout for his voice to be heard.

Castiel looks at Gabriel. “Why did you bring us here?” He shouts.

Gabriel snaps his fingers and the storm above them dissipates. The water calms and it’s much quieter now. “This island is hidden. I only bought us a little time. They’ll figure out that we’re here. Also I thought it would be dramatic.” 

Dean pulls back from the hug. “I went back to the house to grab a book I forgot, and this lady was there. She pinned me to the wall and held me there while she just stared at me. Then Gabriel shows up and he stabs her and she dies in a ball of light. It was insane. What happened to you?”

Castiel is still reeling from all the memories that have flooded back. He remembers who he was for eons before his human life. It makes everything in his life feel like drops in the ocean. “I-I...I remember everything.”

Dean furrows his brows and tilts his head. “What do you mean?”

Gabriel looks at Castiel knowingly. “Did he force you?”

Castiel nods. “He said that Naomi would kill Dean if I refused or rebelled.”

Dean takes a couple steps back, his face hardening. “You’re not human anymore.”

Castiel feels tears welling up in his eyes. “I still feel human. Zachariah said that I wouldn’t feel anymore, that it wouldn’t hurt, but it does. I feel everything. I feel the pain of all the things I’ve done, all the wars I’ve seen.” He takes in a shaky breath, tears pouring down his face. He looks at Dean. “I did it because they were going to kill you. They’re still going to if I don’t return to them.”

Dean doesn’t speak. His face is a mixture of terrified and heartbroken. He looks away and wraps his arms around himself. 

Gabriel takes a few steps closer to Castiel. “You really still feel everything? It should at least be dulled down.”

Castiel nods. “It hurts.”

Gabriel sighs. “This whole experiment backfired more than I thought.” He shakes his head. “Okay, here’s the plan. You remember how to fight now, right? Here.” Gabriel pulls a long silver blade from his jacket and holds it out to Castiel. “This can kill an angel. Use it to defend yourself. The memories of using it will come back.”

Castiel takes the blade and holds it tightly. “What about Dean? We’re both going to be hunted down by all of Heaven.”

Gabriel shakes his head. “Zachariah doesn’t have that kind of power. I’m trying to get ahold of his superior. I told him to meet us here, I don’t know if he’ll come. He’s a little flaky. Even if he doesn’t show up, I’ll find a way to fix this. What Zachariah is doing is against what Heaven is supposed to stand for. When his superior finds out that he nearly killed Dean to get to you, it’ll be over for him.”

Castiel nods and takes a deep breath, calming himself down. He looks at Dean, who is still quietly standing to the side. “Dean, I’m sorry. I was trying to save your life.”

“I know,” Dean says, chewing his thumb nail. 

Castiel takes a step closer to him. “I still feel everything, which means I still love you. I still feel all of it. Even with all of these new memories, the best time of my life has been the time I’ve spent with you. I want to make this work.”

Dean sighs and covers his face with his hands briefly. “Why is this so hard?”

Castiel shrugs. “You grew up fighting things that weren’t human, and now your boyfriend is an angel.” When he steps closer to Dean, he starts feeling something. “I can hear your thoughts. Just bits and pieces.”

Dean makes a face. “Can you turn it off?”

“A little bit. I can still tell what you’re feeling.” He pauses. “You’re torn, I know. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you.”

Dean looks at Gabriel. “Wait, if he can do that, have you been able to this whole time?”

Gabriel nods. “Yup. That’s how I knew about the poltergeist and that you two were together.”

Castiel holds a hand out to Dean, ignoring that revelation from Gabriel. “I don’t know what lies ahead, but all I know is that I want you in my life.”

Dean looks at Castiel’s hand and finally meets his eyes. He reaches out and takes Castiel’s hand. “Cas, I-” He gets cut off when Zachariah appears behind him and grabs him. The angel throws him to the side, sending Dean tumbling over the edge of the cliff and down towards the water. 

Castiel runs to the edge of the cliff. “Dean!” He hears Gabriel and Zachariah clashing together behind him. He starts to jump, but then the fear bubbles up in his gut. His fear of water from being human seems to have stuck around. He swallows and runs over the edge, diving down towards the waves below. 

He hits the water and the fear starts to eat him alive. He doesn’t know how to swim, but he remembers one thing: he can basically teleport. All he has to do is grab Dean and get them both out of there. 

He kicks with his legs, searching the water for Dean. He doesn’t feel the need to breathe, but he knows Dean will run out of air eventually. Time ticks by as he kicks down deeper into the water. He spots a dark spot in the water off to the side and swims to it. He sees Dean slowly sinking down, completely limp and unconscious. The impact with the water must have been hard enough to knock him out. Castiel grabs him and holds him tightly.

Castiel flies them back to the top of the cliff and lays Dean’s body down. Just as he’s kneeling beside him and about to try to wake him up, a foot collides with his chin and he’s knocked back to the ground. He looks up and sees Zachariah raising his own angel blade up above Dean’s chest. 

“This is what you get when you rebel, Castiel!” 

“No!” Castiel lunges up and punches Zachariah as hard as he can, his fist making contact with his cheek. He sees Gabriel slowly getting up from where he’s crumpled on the ground. 

Zachariah stumbles back, far enough that Castiel is able to step over Dean and stand in front of him protectively. “You know what? You were right. You’re not worth all of this trouble.” He raises his blade, but Castiel grabs his wrist and shoves him back. 

“So you’re just going to kill me? Good luck with that.” Castiel starts throwing punches, the blade Gabriel gave him in hand. He dodges the first few swings from Zachariah, then he takes a few hits. He wipes the blood from his lip and charges forward. 

“You’re nothing more than a petulant child who wants his way! This pain you feel, it’s only because you disobey. If you fall in line, I can take that pain away from you.” Zachariah swings his arm and manages to land a cut on Castiel’s cheek with the tip of his blade. 

Castiel laughs. “Oh, so now you realize you can’t kill me, so you want me to fall in line again? You know what I say to that?” He kicks Zachariah’s feet out from under him, grabs the wrist that’s holding his angel blade to disarm him, and pauses. “Fuck you.” He drives his own blade into Zachariah’s chest and watches his eyes glow and fade out. 

Gabriel walks up beside Castiel. “I forgot how much of a stubborn bastard he is. I’m out of shape and he kicked my ass.”

Castiel chuckles and shrugs. “I know it’s been a long time for you. Don’t sweat it.” His eyes widen. “Dean.” He turns and runs back to Dean’s unconscious body. 

Gabriel follows Castiel. “Is he breathing? He was underwater for a long time.”

Castiel puts a hand on Dean’s chest to get the water out of his lungs. Dean’s body jerks and he coughs up a bunch of water, sucking in several deep breaths. “Oh thank god.”

Dean opens his eyes and stares up at the sky for a few seconds before making eye contact with Castiel. “Did you just bring me back to life?”

“Kind of. I forced the water out of you.”

Dean finds Castiel’s hand and grabs it. “Did you kill the asshole who chucked me off the cliff?”

Castiel smiles softly and nods. “He’s dead.”

Dean slowly sits up and groans. “I feel like I got hit by a train.”

Castiel touches two fingers to Dean’s forehead and heals him of his bruises from hitting the water. “Better?”

Dean blinks and nods. “Yeah. That’s a handy trick.”

Castiel chuckles. “It is.” He hears the rustling of feathers and turns around to see another angel standing there. He recognizes him immediately. 

Dean’s eyes widen and he hides behind Castiel. “If I get tossed off a cliff twice today I’m going to lose it.”

“I’m not going to harm you, Dean, it’s okay,” The angel says. 

Gabriel crosses his arms. “A little late, Mikey.”

Castiel stands up fully. “I believe we’ve met before, Michael.”

Michael gives Gabriel an annoyed look before turning his gaze to Castiel. “We have. You’ve been through a lot since then.”

Castiel nods. “Yeah, I have.”

Michael looks at Zachariah’s body. “I see you’ve already taken care of the problem.”

“So you’re not mad that I killed one of your subordinates?” Castiel asks. 

Michael shakes his head. “After I heard the story from Gabriel, I planned on taking out Zachariah and Naomi myself. The experiment was conducted right under my nose and I didn’t notice. That’s entirely my fault.”

Castiel nods. “So I assume you want me back?”

Michael clasps his hands together behind his back. “Not necessarily. After what you’ve been through, I feel the best thing I could do is give you a choice. You can return to Heaven and work under me, or I’ll take your grace for safekeeping and you can live out your human life.”

Castiel chews the inside of his cheek. “So I’d have to be an obedient soldier again?”

Michael nods. “If you rebel against me, I’ll send all of Heaven after you. I do have that kind of power, unlike Zachariah. If you want your own free will, you have to give up your grace.”

Dean steps forward and looks at Castiel. “Cas, I know we just talked about making this work, but if you want to go do your angel thing, that’s okay. This is bigger than me. I get it if it’s more important.”

Castiel frowns. “No, I think my choice is obvious. I’m not going back to the life I had before I rebelled.” He looks at Michael. “Take my grace. I don’t want it.”

Michael nods and pulls an angel blade from his jacket. “I understand. If you ever reconsider, you know how to contact me.” He steps forward and tilts Castiel’s head back. He nicks the center of his neck and holds a vial up to it. 

Castiel shudders and feels his body growing weaker. When Michael steps back, Castiel nearly falls to the ground. He’s caught by Dean. 

“Hey, you good?” Dean asks, holding him up. 

Castiel nods. “I’m fine. I just got used to that power, is all.”

Michael puts the vial of grace in his pocket. “If that’s it, then I’ll be on my way.” He turns to Gabriel. “You stay out of trouble or I will put a bounty on your head.”

Gabriel chuckles. “As if you could catch me.”

Michael rolls his eyes and turns back to Castiel. “Goodbye, Castiel. I wish you a good life.” There’s a sound of rustling feathers and Michael is gone. 

Dean looks around. “Is it over?”

Castiel nods. “It’s over.”

Gabriel sticks his hands in his pockets. “Cas, if you want, I can wipe the memories of your time as an angel. I know all of that must be an emotional burden.”

Castiel pauses to think. “As much as I would like to remember the things we did together, the weight of all the wars I have fought is too much. I think it will eat me alive.”

Dean nods. “You aren’t talking like yourself anymore either. You sound way older, more hardened. It’s not you.”

“I know. It’s Castiel as an angel. My human life is only a small blip in all that I remember now. I’d much rather be my human self again. I like him better.”

Gabriel smiles softly. “Alright. You ready?”

Castiel takes a deep breath and nods. “Yes.”

Gabriel touches two fingers to Castiel’s forehead, and Castiel closes his eyes. When he opens them, he doesn’t remember anything about his angel life. All those wars, all the years of human history, gone. 

“Is it you again?” Dean asks.

Castiel nods. “It’s me.” He smiles and looks at Dean. He throws his arms around his neck and kisses him. He feels Dean’s arms around him and finally feels relief wash over him. This whole mess is over, and he can return to a normal life. 

Dean pulls back from the kiss, holding onto Castiel for dear life. “Can we get off this cliff now?” There’s a snap, and then all three of them are in the living room of Castiel and Dean’s house. “Oh thank god.” Dean grabs the back of the couch. “I think I’m permanently afraid of cliffs now.”

Castiel kisses Dean’s forehead with a smile. “I’m still permanently afraid of water, so that’s okay.”

Dean stares at Castiel. “Wait, I thought you couldn’t swim. How did you get to me?”

Castiel shrugs. “I think angel-me knew how to swim a little bit. I just kicked until I found you. Jumping off of that cliff was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done, and will ever do.”

Gabriel plops down in the chair. “I’m beat. Zachariah can eat my entire ass for beating me up so bad. I need to refresh my fighting skills.”

Castiel chuckles. “Well, he’s dead now.” His face drops. “Wait, does that mean I killed my writing professor?”

Gabriel shakes his head. “Zachariah has used that vessel for centuries. He’s always been your professor. The school will notice that he’s missing and will either pass/fail the class or find you a new instructor.”

Castiel nods. “So I didn’t kill an actual person? Just a dick angel?”

Gabriel nods. “Yup.”

Castiel lets out a sigh of relief. “I’m going to get out of these wet clothes.” He quickly changes in his room before returning to the living room. He sees that Dean has also changed clothes. Castiel walks around to the couch. He falls back on it and wraps an arm around Dean once he joins. Everyone sits there quietly, recovering from their harrowing afternoon. Castiel closes his eyes, a small smile on his face. All of this made his relationship with Dean feel stronger. They definitely have stuff to talk about, but they made it through all of this. Their relationship survived Heaven trying to break them up. If they could make it through that, nothing could faze them.


	18. Chapter 18

Castiel and Dean end up dozing off on the couch for a couple hours. Castiel is the first to wake up after an hour of napping. He opens his eyes slowly and looks around. Dean is still asleep against his chest and Gabriel is gone. Castiel yawns and rubs his face. Despite the nap, he still feels exhausted from the day’s events.

Dean shifts and slowly wakes up. He hums and sits up. “God, a nap didn’t even help calm me down from today.”

Castiel nods. “Same here. I think we’re both going to be exhausted for the next week. That was heavy.”

Dean sighs and looks at Castiel. “I still can’t believe you were an angel. I can’t believe I saw you as an angel. It was really weird.”

“How so?”

Dean stretches and looks away. “Well, you weren’t ‘you’ anymore. It wasn’t the sweet Castiel I knew, it was someone else. You seemed so old. You didn’t talk like you used to, you weren’t moving the same way, and you killed an angel. The Cas I know carries bugs outside because he doesn’t want to hurt them.”

Castiel smiles softly at that. “It’s strange, because Gabriel left the memories from yesterday, so I remember what it was like. It was painful. I still had all of my human emotion attached to eons of history and wars. I don’t remember those times anymore, but I know that I was an emotionless, soulless soldier during that time. I know that I saw so much death, and it didn’t faze me at the time. So when those memories came back to a mind that still felt human, it was too much. I could have laid down and cried forever. It may have been cool to know everything about human and angel history, but the weight of that knowledge was something I could never bear as a human.”

Dean nods and takes Castiel’s hand. “I don’t think anyone could remember that stuff and stay sane. You made the right choice to forget it. The only benefit it would have given you is if you changed your major to history. You would ace those classes.”

Castiel chuckles. “I hated history. I was so bad at it.”

“You wouldn’t be if you remembered exactly what happened. I could ask you when George Washington’s birthday is and you’d know it.”

“It’s February 22nd, 1732.” Castiel blinks in surprise at himself.

Dean raises a brow. “I thought you said you were bad at history.”

“I have no idea how I knew that,” Castiel says.

Dean thinks for a moment, brows furrowed together. “How about...Andrew Jackson? His birthday isn’t widely known.”

“March 15, 1767.” Castiel’s eyes widen. “This is a completely useless skill.”

Dean shakes his head. “No it’s not! You don’t directly remember anything, but you can spit out obscure history facts without even trying!”

“What could I possibly use that for?”

Dean opens his mouth, then closes it. “Maybe you’re right. If you can only remember when someone asks, it is pretty useless. It’s still cool.”

Castiel chuckles and leans back against the couch, staring up at the ceiling. “What do we do now? Everything feels so different.”

Dean sighs. “Yeah, it does. I guess we just go back to our normal lives.”

Castiel looks at Dean. “What was it like to go back to a normal life after hunting?”

Dean’s eyes move to the floor. “It was...weird, I guess. It was weird when I started too. I had been dragged all over the country my whole life, and when I turned fifteen, Bobby insisted on taking us in. I stayed for a few weeks, and then my dad came to visit. He talked about the hunts he had been on, and I wanted to be a part of it. I wanted to be a hero. So I ditched Bobby and went off with my dad again. He still made me go to school wherever we were, which I’m grateful for. But after school, I’d hunt.”

“I’m glad you stayed in school for that time,” Castiel says.

Dean nods. “I wanted to drop out, but my dad ordered me to stay in. He said I could be done after high school.” He pauses. “When I was seventeen, there was this one case. It was a ghost possession just outside of Knoxville, Tennessee. A man died in my arms while my dad burned the pocketwatch that was keeping the ghost here. I was trying to stop the bleeding, but I couldn’t save him. It wasn’t the first time I watched someone die, but I knew it had to be the last. I couldn’t take it anymore. I went back to Bobby’s house right before my senior year of high school. Going back to normalcy was hard. I had a hard time making friends because I was scared that they would know about my past. That continued while I was at KU. I didn’t really feel normal until I met you.”

Castiel finds Dean’s hand and squeezes it. “I’m glad my presence could give you that feeling. I’m so sorry you went through all of that. I wish I could take that pain away from you.”

Dean rests his head on Castiel’s shoulder. “It’s okay. Having that experience means that I can protect us if anything happens.”

Castiel kisses the top of Dean’s head. “I think we’re safe. Besides, I have an archangel that’s going to follow me around for the rest of my life.”

Dean chuckles. “It’s going to be so weird to party with him knowing that he’s not human.” His eyes widen. “Wait, can he even get drunk?”

Castiel furrows his brows. “Now that I think about it, he never acts any different when he’s drunk. I don’t think he gets drunk.”

Dean sits up. “This probably explains how he always bought us all tons of alcohol and why he doesn’t have a roommate. He’s a powerful archangel, he can probably get anything he wants.”

“We can’t say anything about it to anyone else in our friend group. They’ll freak out,” Castiel says, a concerned look on his face.

“The only ones that would take that news well are Jo and Ash. The Roadhouse is a hunter hub and they know about that stuff. Hell, Jo wanted to be a hunter at one point. Her mom shut that down quickly.”

Castiel raises his brows. “Really? I never would have guessed that they knew.”

Dean nods, a small frown on his face. “Jo’s dad died while hunting. Ellen, her mom, used to be a hunter. She stopped once she had Jo. The Roadhouse is always full of hunters. We should go sometime. It’s the only part of Georgia that I know and it’s super pretty.”

Castiel smiles softly and nods. “Dahlonega is nice. I’ve been up there for hiking trips a few times. I know Jo will kill me if I don’t go soon, so let’s make it a trip sometime soon.”

Dean stretches and yawns. “Dinner and then movies in bed?”

Castiel nods. “Absolutely.”

They order food delivery for dinner and eat it quickly so that they can make it to the bed sooner. They curl up in Dean’s bed and start a Marvel movie marathon. Castiel makes it about halfway through Iron Man before succumbing to sleep. Dean follows closely behind and their marathon ends before the first movie is even over.

Castiel wakes up the next morning with his face still pressed against Dean’s shoulder. He opens his eyes and rubs them. He sees that it’s fully bright outside, and suddenly his stomach drops. He sits up and starts scanning his hands over the bed to find his phone.

“Huh? What’re you doin’?” Dean mumbles, opening his eyes.

Castiel finds his phone and turns it on. It’s 9:12. “My class started twelve minutes ago! I didn’t set my alarm, fuck!” He starts to jump out of bed, but Dean grabs his wrist.

“Dude, you’re not gonna make it. It’s a fifty minute class, right?”

Castiel nods. “I can make it to the last ten minutes.”

“Look, you haven’t showered since you jumped in the ocean yesterday. By the time you shower, get dressed, get your stuff together, and bike to class, it’ll be long over. You’ve never missed a day of class, not even when you were really struggling. You can miss one class. Your next one doesn’t start until noon, right?”

Castiel sighs in defeat. Dean is right. He’ll never make it. “Yeah, it starts at noon.”

“So take your time. Get some more rest if you need it. Then you can get ready for class and go if you’re up for it.” Dean lets go of Castiel’s wrist. “You had a big day yesterday. Cut yourself some slack.”

Castiel sits back down on the bed. “Maybe I should just take a sick day.” He rubs his hands over his face. Now that the anxiety is gone, the exhaustion seeps back into his senses. He feels like he could lay back down and sleep for another two hours. He pulls up the syllabus for his other class and checks to make sure they aren’t doing anything important. Fortunately for him, today is a review day.

Dean yawns and checks his own phone. “I have a quiz in my 11:00 class today, so I have to get up. I didn’t study last night for this quiz, so I’m gonna have to cram for it on the bus.”

Castiel lays back down. “I’m taking a sick day. I’m probably going to fall back asleep.”

Dean nods. “Okay. I’m getting up to shower. Let me know if you need anything.”

Castiel smiles a little at that as he closes his eyes. Sleep comes back to him in no time, and he’s out.

Castiel sleeps for another two and a half hours before waking up again. He checks the time and hopes Dean is doing alright with his quiz. He runs a hand through his hair and is immediately reminded that it was soaked in ocean water yesterday. He makes a face and walks to his own bathroom to shower.

After a refreshing shower, Castiel ventures to the kitchen to make himself some lunch. He eats a sandwich and returns to his own room to work on some homework. He works for about an hour before returning to his bed for a while.

Hours pass and the day ticks by. Castiel knows that Dean won’t be back until after five, so he has the run of the place. He spends that time laying in bed, watching youtube. It’s just what he needs to unwind from yesterday’s events.

He gets a text later in the afternoon.

**Gabriel**  
I’m throwing another party this weekend. The usuals are coming. You game?

**Castiel**  
I’ll be there

**Gabriel**  
Sweet. Hanging in there?

**Castiel**  
Mostly. Took a sick day from class today.

**Gabriel**  
You needed it. See you Friday night, 8pm

**Castiel**  
See you then

A party sounds like a good way to unwind. Castiel doesn’t want to get super drunk there, but just enough to feel good.

For the rest of the afternoon, Castiel sits on the couch binging House. He snacks on a bag of chips and feels his body finally relaxing. He didn’t realize how tense he was until now.

The door opens at 5:30 and Dean walks in.

“Hey. How was class and work?” Castiel pops another chip into his mouth.

“Well, class was good. Work wasn’t very happy that I never showed up yesterday.”

Castiel’s eyes widen. “Shit, are they going to fire you?”

“No, I told them my roommate was having an emergency and I got caught up in it. They just said don’t let it happen again. It’ll be fine.” He walks over to the couch and sits down, leaning back with a sigh.

Castiel holds out the bag of chips to Dean, smiling a bit when he takes one. “I’m glad everything worked out. Did you get a text from Gabriel about Friday?”

Dean nods. “Yeah, I’m getting wasted. I deserve it after getting chucked off a cliff.”

“I jumped off a cliff. I deserve it too.”

“You became an angel. Get trashed and enjoy yourself,” Dean chuckles.

Castiel laughs softly and closes his eyes briefly. “I don’t think things are ever going to be the same.”

Dean frowns. “What do you mean?”

“Not in a bad way. It’s just a new perspective. The world feels so much bigger and I feel so much smaller. It makes me appreciate what I have. Like you. I wouldn’t be here without you. I’d probably be a soldier again, living a life that I hated. You gave me more reasons to stay human.”

Dean leans over and kisses Castiel’s forehead. “I don’t know where I’d be without you. I’d be lonely. Hell, I might have gone back to hunting. I was considering it briefly when I first came here. Then you happened. You are my reason to stay away from hunting. I could never expose you to that life. You’ve seen enough, been through enough. Both of us have.”

“Now, we move forward. We live our lives, together. I love you, Dean Winchester.”

“And I love you, Castiel Novak, the former angel. My angel.” Dean kisses Castiel sweetly and wraps an arm around him, pulling him against his chest and holding him like a precious treasure.

Castiel wraps his arms around Dean’s neck, and that’s when the sense of normalcy starts to creep back in. None of it is the same as it was before, but Castiel feels like himself again. It gives him hope that everything is going to be okay going forward.

~~~

Friday rolls around and Castiel and Dean are at Gabriel’s place. Dean has had a few beers, and Castiel is close to wasted. He’s stuck to the hard liquor and made himself multiple strong mixed drinks.

Despite his drunken state, Castiel is kicking ass at beer pong. He plays everyone one on one, and the only person to beat him is Meg, who is a stellar player. Castiel isn’t a sore loser, so when he loses, he just laughs and finishes his drink.

Castiel sits down on the couch next to Dean and looks at him with a dopey grin. “I love you.”

Dean chuckles and kisses Castiel’s forehead. “You’re drunk.”

Castiel pouts. “Say it back.”

Dean rolls his eyes with a grin. “I love you too, Cas.”

Castiel puts his head on Dean’s shoulder, his body slumped over. “You know I love you because I jumped off a cliff into the ocean for you.”

Meg’s head twirls around. “You what?”

Dean’s eyes widen and he laughs. “No you didn’t.” He nudges Castiel in the hopes that he’ll shut up.

Castiel laughs. “Yes I did! Zachariah threw you and I jumped in after you. I had wings!”

Jo looks at Dean. “How drunk is he?”

Charlie stares at them with a brow raised. “Did he have a weird dream?”

Dean nods quickly. “Yes! He told me about it this morning. It was a really weird dream.”

Castiel frowns and shakes his head. “It wasn’t a dream. I-” He closes his mouth right as Gabriel’s hand touches his shoulder. He finds himself unable to speak anymore, so he just leans on Dean.

Gabriel looks at Castiel. “I’m cutting you off.” His gaze moves to Dean and he gives him a knowing look.

Dean tries to tell Gabriel how thankful he is with his eyes before turning back to the group. “I’ll play beer pong with someone.”

The group moves away from the topic of Castiel’s “weird dream” and the focus turns to Dean’s absolute annihilation of Ash at beer pong.

Castiel finds his ability to speak again after a few minutes, and he stands up to cheer Dean on. As the night progresses, he starts to sober up a little and his senses come back to him. He realizes what he said earlier and makes a mental note to thank Gabriel for shutting him up.

Dean and Castiel return home that night and decide to sleep together in Dean’s room. After the normalcy of a college party with their friends, things feel like they’re falling back into place. Castiel can’t stop thinking about how grateful he is for the element of choice he had in this. Michael could have easily forced him back into angel work, but instead, Castiel got to choose his human life. All of that makes the little things feel that much more important. It makes his relationship and his friendships feel like magic.

As Castiel falls asleep, he holds Dean tightly, eternally grateful for everything he had given him.


	19. Epilogue

Castiel finally sets down the last box against the wall. He looks around the apartment and lets out a long sigh. It’s going to take forever to unpack. The furnishings are bare and the kitchen is empty save for the appliances. The large windows look out on the city skyline and let in heaps of sunlight that spills across the floor.

Dean emerges from the bedroom, where he’s been unpacking while Castiel had grabbed the last box from the UHaul. He beams when he looks at Castiel. “Now the fun part.”

“You think unpacking is fun?” Castiel groans. “This is going to take forever.”

Dean walks up to Castiel and puts his hands on his hips. “We’ll make it fun. Come on, we’ve got a lot to look forward to.”

Castiel sighs. Dean is right, a lot has happened in the eighteen months since “the angel incident” as they had dubbed it. Today they moved into their new apartment in downtown Atlanta. Dean has landed an internship in the same city as Castiel is getting his masters degree at, Georgia State University. “We need to unpack within a week. My parents come next weekend.”

Dean shrugs. “We can do it. Worst case scenario, we hide some boxes in the closet.” Dean had met Castiel’s parents shortly after the angel incident. He was terrified at first, but Castiel’s parents adored him, so there was nothing to be afraid of.

Castiel takes Dean’s hand and leads him to the balcony that opens up off the living room. He leans against the rail and looks out at the city. They can’t see much except the smaller buildings around them, but it’s still a nice view. The apartment is a one-bedroom, which is saving them a lot of money. Looking for apartments in the city was hard, but they really like where they ended up.

Dean looks at Castiel. “Whatcha thinking about?”

Castiel turns to look at Dean. He looks good. He’s let a little stubble grow on his cheeks and it suits him. “Everything. How far we’ve come. I’m nervous, starting this next phase of my life, but I’m excited to be sharing it with you.”

Dean blushes a bit and looks away. “You ol’ sap.” He smiles and meets Castiel’s eyes. “I’m proud of us. I’m proud of you. You’ve come a long way.”

Castiel looks out at the buildings in front of them and closes his eyes to feel the breeze on his face. “You have too. That internship is going to be great.”

Dean nods with a smile. “Yeah, I never thought I’d land one this good right out of undergrad, so I’m pretty happy.”

Castiel squeezes Dean’s hand and pulls him close. “I’m happy too.” He kisses his boyfriend and hugs him close. “I love you so much.”

Dean hugs Castiel tightly, smiling at him with enough joy to light up the city of Atlanta. “I love you too.”

Castiel lays his head on Dean’s shoulder with a happy sigh. It’s nerve-wracking, starting this next stage of his life. The thing is, he’s not scared. After all he’s been through, he knows that with Dean, he can make it through anything. Life feels like a gift to him, one that he wants to treasure and experience to the fullest. With Dean, all of that feels possible.

THE END


End file.
